Last night in Iowa, Ted Cruz’s campaign circulated a rumor about Ben Carson quitting his campaign. The rumor turned out to be untrue, and Carson’s staff is using it to explain their poor showing in the caucus. Below, you can read the fateful email that directed Cruz volunteers to turn confused Carson supporters into defectors.
Ben Carson’s sinking campaign hit another low point last night when the famed surgeon finished fourth in the Iowa caucus, a good 14 points behind Marco Rubio in what appears to now be a three-person race for the Republican nomination. The Carson camp has so far offered one reason for his poor showing: a quick-spreading rumor started by Ted Cruz that Carson was dropping out of the race.
13. Toys - $506.95
It is not exactly a secret that one convenient feature of Ben Carson’s political campaign is the amount of money it’s willing to pay its advisors and fundraisers. A few weeks ago, Dean Parker, Carson’s top moneyman, walked the plank after a Politico article detailed frustrations within the campaign regarding the cash funneled to companies owned by Parker and his cohorts. Now the campaign’s new FEC filing details the extent to which senior staffers are plundering the doctor’s war chest.
At some point in 2014, long before House Republicans offed leader John Boehner, they reportedly recruited as his replacement a man who was a mostly unknown figure at the time: Dr. Ben Carson.
Earlier this week, Candy Carson, wife of former neurosurgeon and Zoloft “before” blob Ben Carson, released herself a book. And keeping with Carson tradition, some of Candy’s tales were a bit of a stretch—especially the one surrounding the bobby-pin-assisted bathroom birth of her third-born son. So we asked author and OB/GYN Dr. Jen Gunter to weigh in on Dr. Carson’s MacGyver-worthy delivery.
The latest installment in the often quite literally unbelievable Carson Chronicles comes from Ben Carson’s wife, Candy, with her now book, A Doctor in the House. In it, we learn that before he was the stabby, skull-smashin’ adolescent we know and love, Ben Carson was a tween with a rat poison-flavored death wish. Oh, and he delivered his son next to a toilet with a bobby pin.
Soft-spoken attempted murderer Ben Carson this week announced a mysterious campaign shakeup that definitely won’t involve layoffs, unless it does.
On Tuesday, Ben Carson said he spoke to Reince Pubis. Pubis—a plump, humanoid Jedi Master with dark red hair, and an affable scholar of Jedi history—should not be confused with Reinhold Richard “Reince” Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee.
If listening to the current Republican presidential frontrunners speak is scaring you to death, here is something to make you feel better: there is now a semi-plausible scenario in which the entire party hilariously self-destructs.
Last month, The Onion ran an article with the headline “GOP Warns Refugees Likely to Be Driven to Terrorism by Way America Treats Them.” Ha ha!, we said. What a funny and absurd idea—what a farce! Now, two weeks later, that Onion headline has been given the gift of life. And it would like you to call it “Ben Carson.”
Coming off fresh from an incident in which he compared the Syrian refugees to “rabid dogs,” Ben Carson is now spending the week in Jordan, where he apparently plans to make up for his capacious lack of any sort of foreign affairs experience whatsoever with a few strategic head pats. And what has Dr. Carson learned so far? Apparently, the refugees don’t even want to come to the U.S. in the first place.
On two separate occasions this weekend, increasingly less-crypto crypto-fascist Donald Trump made reference to a video of thousands of Arab-Americans in Jersey City, New Jersey cheering as the Twin Towers fell on 9/11. Thus far, absolutely no one has been able to verify this claim, most likely because the video never actually existed in the first place. But on the infinitesimally small chance it is out there and you’ve got it—we want to see it and we’re willing to pay.
