A county judge ordered Gemma Wale, of Birmingham, U.K., to stop having raucous, neighbor-waking sex with her boyfriend (more like “Gemma, don’t wail,” amrite?), and I’m sure you’ll never, ever guess what Wale did next and why she went to jail for two weeks.

David Copperfield has a private pool in his 8,000-square-foot Manhattan apartment—something all of his neighbors are now well aware of because he managed to flood the entire building with it this week.

Justin Bieber, transitioning into manhood before your very eyes on Comedy Central this month, won't be allowed to put his juvenile hooligan past behind him just yet. The former neighbor whose house Bieber famously egged is now suing him for an assault that allegedly took place two years ago.

A gossipy new Christine O'Donnell profile investigates the men in her life—from the lawyer who bought her a house and frequently spent the night ("the walls upstairs are very thin") to her new male roommate: a Christian rocker.

Yesterday, we introduced you to successful eye surgeon Dr. Emil Chynn. You read the 2,7000 word email litany he wrote detailing his West Village neighbor's sins. Today, we learn he once commissioned an ice sculpture of his Corgi, Hershey.

As a Harvard-educated eye surgeon, Dr. Emil William Chynn has perfected the art of LASIK surgery. And after years of raging against the wealthy owner of a derelict building on his block, he's perfected the angry email screed. Behold.

It's time to play "Which snippet from the Times Real Estate section makes you most want to assault the person in the story?" There are two entrants this week, and it should be a tight race. First, imagine living next door to a pair of bastard attorneys who slip a note under your door saying, "As you may not be aware, we are both lawyers and both litigators, for whom the usual barriers to litigation are minimal." The crime? Purported secondhand smoke, which was purportedly "endangering" the bastards' four-year-old son, who I imagine is named Jebediah. The kicker: "The neighbor, a chain smoker, said she had tried to respond to their complaints and had even bought air purifiers to reduce the amount of smoke. But the lawyers complained that she had failed to provide them with receipts proving that she had made the purchases." I feel some serious assault coming on. But damn, how about this one: