David Spade had his sniveling say about the DirecTV commercial he did with Chris Farley's ghost. Now, one of the guys who wrote the commercial writes a fair, reasonable blog post about his intentions. Okay. But he ends with this:

"Do you love chocolate almost as much as you love diamonds?" Yes, and??? Long have I waited to meet others like me: Wealthy lovers of gaudy jewels and cheap candy. If only...

Where was CBS on that whole David Letterman affair scandal, hmmm?? Oh yea: They were airing hours upon hours Letterman's own explanations of it. Which were masterful. Now, CBS News wants to get to the bottom of it. Meh. Don't.

Great. Wonderful. Rush Limbaugh is going to be a celebrity judge at next year's Miss America pageant.

The Associated Press, self-declared enemy of internet evildoers, says it has seen some awesome new Microsoft search technology — top secret stuff — that will return its content to a position of total world domination. Google is so history.

Amazon's a modern day Don Quixote. The company will expand its Kindle service across the globe, but won't look past the device's book-related origins. No touchscreen here. And, thus, no competition for Apple's forthcoming tablet. Silly Jeff Bezos! [Reuters]

Goody, Kiehl's has put up one of those "Make Your Own" cartoon websites, which is always a bad idea, PR-wise. Weird that this was the default text though, right? [via Adfreak]

A 15-year old was charged with illegal tattooing after being "cool" and branding his friend.

John Updike's The Witches of Eastwick has been a book, a film, a sequel and people have twice tried — and failed — to make it into a television series. Now ABC has done just that, but is it wise?

Have the political gods gone crazy? It would appear that way, because the Senate voted to allow Americans, who aren't always the most stable of folk, to carry unloaded and locked guns on Amtrak trains. How can this be good?

Is there anything Arianna Huffington can't do? Well, we'll all see, for the Internet queen's about to jump into prime time television. And, of course, she;s not jumping too far from her roots.

Alright. This has got to stop. After banning smoking in bars, New York City officials are now thinking of extending their totalitarian grip to public spaces. Will the madness never end?

Ashley Dupre and the New York Post have finalized their deal: Ashley will give the Post exclusive interviews and sexxxy exclusive photo shoots in hooker heels. In return, they'll play like they're on her side. Everybody wins, except Ashley Dupre!

There are many ways to memorialize the eighth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. This morning, MSNBC chose the worst: re-airing the tape of their coverage from that terrible morning.

The Republican party wouldn't be living up to its obstructionist reputation if they didn't offer a rebuttal to Obama's health care speech before Congress tomorrow. But rather than letting Bobby Jindal create another PR disaster, they're trotting out a doctor!

Much hay has been made over Hollywood's growing reliance on the remake. Creativity is dead, yes, we know, but, more importantly, the silver screen's recycling kick also acts as an endorsement for mediocrity. And it's all your fault!

DDB Brasil, the ad agency that made the stupid World Wildlife Fund 9/11 ad, had denied making the video version. Oh, actually though, they did make it. And submitted it to the Cannes Festival, for a prize. Woops. [Ad Age]

Sheryl Weinstein thought she had a hit when she wrote about her affair with small-penised Bernie Madoff. She was wrong. The book has sold only 2,000 copies. And other Madoff-related books are also tanking, according to Nielsen BookScan. [AP]

So, Chris Brown appeared on Larry King Live, the go-to show for those looking to rehabilitate their image following scandal. Sadly for Brown, the visit came off as nothing more than a bid at fulfilling the requisite media appearance.

Barack Obama has been having a hard time selling his health care reform, especially now that public option's looking more endangered. What's a besieged President to do? Turn to Rodale and their cabal of politically-friendly titles!