Today's NY Times updates us on the progress of the ongoing legal feud between producer Bob Yari, the Crash producer suing the Academy for denying him the opportunity to take the stage after the film's Best Picture win last year and bask in his share of the heavy-handed racism fable's Oscar glory by emotionally declaring, "Tonight, I won't need to drive my SUV into the side of a van full of illegal Chinese immigrants just to feel something," and the whole fucking system trying to keep renegade, studio-eschewing producers like him down, sharing with the world excerpts from an e-mail exchange between Yari's camp and a defiant Bruce Davis, executive director of AMPAS, who says that Yari can pry his next Governors Ball invite from his cold, dead hands:

· The London Film Critics' Circle awarded The Queen its top British film and director awards, United 93 best film and director, and Volver best foreign film, rendering us completely and utterly lost. [Variety]
· This just in: The Carpetbagger thinks Swedish people are "genetically cool." (Hey, you try meeting your post quota for an Oscars-only blog.) [The Carpetbagger]
· The 21st Genesis Awards—the Humane Society's Oscars!—announced its nominees. Movies like Charlotte's Web, Eight Below, and Over The Hedge are nominated in the family feature categories. [THR]

· More 2007 Flackies highlights: CBS President Nina Tassler picked up the Television Showmanship Award, Sony's Michael Lynton and Amy Pascal won the Motion Picture Showmanship Award, and Bob Barker, accepting the ICG President's Award, reminded the crowd "to have your pets spayed and neutered," though the microphone was quickly turned off before he could go on to suggest doing the same for publicists. [Variety]
· An e-mailed conversation between Fox Searchlight's two nominated screenwriters, Michael Arndt (Little Miss Sunshine) and Patrick Marber (Notes on a Scandal). It's billed as "dishy," but we've read it twice now and there isn't a single word about how Abigail Breslin is actually a 48-year-old woman with a growth deficiency. [The Envelope]
· Your completely unsubstantiated Oscars rumor of the day: Diana Ross has been approached to sing one of the three nominated Dreamgirls songs. [Starpulse]
· Honorary Oscar recipient Ennio Morricone thought he'd never win an Oscar, telling the AP, "I have received so many beautiful, incredible prizes, but there was a little hole. Maybe the Oscar fills the hole." Maybe he does, Ennio. Maybe he does. [AP]
· Our favorite Oscar headline of the day: "Botox-aided pianist: Oscar cocumentary nod a 'gas'" No, we are not kidding. [Jewish Journal]

· Mark off May 22, 2008 on your calendars, for that's the day that Indiana Jones 4: Short Round, I'm Really Getting Too Old For This Shit hits theaters. Warner Bros. blockbuster hopeful Speed Racer is also scheduled to open over that long Memorial Day weekend, but we bet the movie will be mysteriously stricken by "post-production problems" that force a move to a safer release date. [Variety]
· The publicists responsible for making sure that every Borat appearance was accompanied by a trashy throng of Kazakh prostisisters and death threats from the president of the constantly mocked Central Asian nation saw their hard work rewarded at yesterday's Flackies, the awards celebrating achievements in the promotional arts. [THR]
· Dakota Fanning makes a bold move to combat being typecast as a preteen rape victim, joining her sister Elle in portraying disabled twins in the drama Hurricane Mary. Look for the ambitious elder Fanning to muscle out her sister to better showcase her acting chops by playing both parts herself. [Variety]
· American Idol plunges from 33.1 million viewers on Tuesday to just 27.6 million on Wednesday, a slide that's temporarily reduced its level of domination of primetime competition from "utter destruction" to "a pretty rough ass-kicking." [THR]
· Borat boosts News Corp.'s studio division, but MyNetworkTV, barely beating public access bulletins about winter-weather school closures in most markets, has clearly shit the financial bed. [Variety]

Eddie Murphy, according to today's LAT and various people not completely charmed by the actor's recent emergence from seclusion to humbly accept a handful of trinkets from various press organizations and professional guilds, might have a problem. While he's the frontrunner™ for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his eye-opening, "Hey, he can act!" turn in Dreamgirls, his peers in the Academy might pause as the quivering tips of their fountain pens approach his name on their ballots, have their minds flooded with unpleasant thoughts about the advisability of bestowing the single greatest honor in the history of human endeavor upon a man whose current project demands a Martin Lawrence-level of craft, and, after recovering from a prolonged vomiting fit brought on by thoughts of being asphyxiated by the disturbingly realistic, dimple-riddled ladyfolds of Murphy's Norbit costume, cast their votes for Djimon Hounsou.

Today, Variety.com unveiled Digital Variety, an "online reproduction" of the Daily Variety paper that allows computer-based users to simulate the excitement of "flipping pages," a luxury once reserved for those idling in the waiting areas of studios and agencies. While the new product lacks the one of most crucial features of the physical paper—an ability to be easily rolled into a glossy cudgel suitable for the bludgeoning of an incompetent assistant—DigiVar (Digiriety?) does finally allow those of us toiling in the ghettos of the blogoweb to have online access to the publication's many fine awards season ads, like the one reproduced here, taken out by Paramount publicists desperate to have the hard work that was largely ignored by Academy voters recognized in a wound-salving win at the Flackies.

When we earlier pointed out today's NY Times story on Hollywood's field trip to Washington, we were so stricken with concern for the plight of the Oscar-nominated working man that we completely missed the illustrating photo of Paramount emperor Brad Grey demonstrating the table-hopping skills that recently have won him so many fans back in Los Angeles. While we obviously can't know what Grey was discussing with Patrick Leahy as he subtly boxed out Warner Bros. chairman Barry Meyer, we imagine that he assuring the senator that wouldn't be disappointed if his peers in Washington choose not to recognize the studios' anti-piracy agenda, as Grey expects to receive a producing credit on the runaway production issue that's the frontrunner to win Congress's approval.

· Oscar rules might not be able to literally pit Leo vs. Leo like at the Globes, but that doesn't mean he can't face off against himself in the trades: Warner Bros. has been using a picture of the actor in their The Departed FYC ads extremely similar to the one they're using in their Blood Diamond Best Actor campaign. Will the confusion benefit everyone, or will Academy members, brainwashed by repetitive Leo conditioning, award DiCaprio every available Oscar, including Animated Short, Sound Design, and Best Picture? [The Carpetbagger]
· But how did it play in Leeds and Humberside? U.K.'s regional film journalists name Pan's Labyrinth their film of the year, with Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker picking up the top acting awards, and Abigail Breslin being named "newcomer of the year." [Variety]
· Everyone involved in the Oscars telecast showed up for the annual production meeting powwow, including 16-year gag-writing vet Bruce Vilanch, who bragged that he can bang out an entire show's worth of one-liners in a night, simply by transcribing the top two drawers of his novelty T-shirt collection. [AP]

· The Academy has finally caught wind of the blogowebs, and they'll just as soon set their petticoats on fire than let Oscarwatch.com confuse readers who might be searching for the official Oscar® blog that updates once every couple of weeks. [The Envelope, Oscarwatch]
· More tidbits from this year's Oscar luncheon: A record 139 nominees showed up, Peter O'Toole got a standing ovation, and the entire cast of Babel can be clearly seen giving the shocker in the class portrait. [Variety]
· The Secret Black Oscars, which Forest Whitaker hinted at in a Newsweek interview, is "not a protest or a statement," he told a reporter at the luncheon. [Reuters]
· 19-time Oscar-nominated bridesmaid Kevin O'Connell, a sound mixer once again recognized for his work on Apocalypto, told fellow nominees never to give up: "I've saved all my acceptance speeches, all the ones I've written on the backs of napkins and programs. They are all in a drawer at home." Martin Scorsese smiled and nodded his head as he listened politely, then leaned over to Mark Wahlberg to whisper, "Do me a favor. If I become that guy, shoot me in the back of the head, will you?" [Hello]
· Thank you BBC, for bothering to report what they actually lunched on: "They dined on a menu of smoked salmon canape with dill mousse, Italian herb marinated breast of chicken and sorbets in a chocolate cup." As Abigail Breslin dove into the final course, Greg Kinnear leaned towards his Little Miss Sunshine co-star to warn her that the frozen dessert will make her too fat to win on Oscar night. [BBC]

Yesterday, the Academy continued its annual tradition of inviting its awards nominees to the Beverly Hilton for a casual lunch, an opportunity to have their picture taken in front of a giant version of the statuette they likely won't be taking home following the ceremony (we're looking at you, Will Smith! ), and a chance to receive an official warning about the dire consequences that await the willfully verbose should they violate their allotted ten seconds of acceptance speech time. While last year's too-gentle admonition about overlong speeches contained an ineffectual warning of a premature orchestra swell, Oscar producer Laura Ziskin now threatens overly grateful windbags with bodily harm:

· Things are looking sunny for Marty: As most had predicted, he picked up the top feature award from the Directors Guild of America, his first win after seven previous nominations. 52 of the past 58 winners have gone on to take the Oscar, though that doesn't completely rule out the possibility he won't get slighted again, at which point a global audience can delight in watching his eyebrows instantly turn ashen white. [Variety]
· Steve Martin, presenting an award to the DGA awards longtime host Carl Reiner, won the Dirty Old Man One-Liner of the Night Award with this comment about Leelee Sobieski*: "I've been backstage trying to convince Leelee Sobieski that the best way to remove double stick tape is with saliva." [The Envelope]
· The 34th annual Evening Standard British Film Awards gives its top acting honor to—muted gasp!—Judi Dench for Notes on a Scandal, not Helen Mirren for The Queen. Daniel Craig nabbed the top actor award for Casino Royale, and his anguished approximation of what it might feel like to have one's testicles whacked repeatedly with a knotted rope. [Reuters]

Because each flagstone on the Path to Oscar™ is such an important part of the journey to Hollywood's Biggest Night that it requires its own media event, the press was invited over to the Hollywood and Highland Grand Ballroom yesterday for a preview of the Governor's Ball, the post-telecast soiree where the Academy attempts to revive Oscar VIPs utterly exhausted from the four hours of congratulatory buggering they've just endured with a free meal. Var's The Knife blog made the trip, reporting that obscure local caterer Wolfgang Puck will be handling the food, and that the gala's organizers have decided to save the industry's most conspicuous awards-season table-hopper from his worst instincts:

· Maggie Gyllenhaal and Terrence Howard are named honory co-chairs of Film Independent's Spirit Awards, as much for their pinchable cheeks and twinkly eyes as for their impressive body of independent film work. [Variety]
· Tom O'Neil is still trying to decipher the Oscar Code (thankfully, this time not from his bed), and comes to the following conclusions: Scorsese will pick up the DGA award, and Best Picture is anyone's to win. Your office pool's a lock! [The Envelope]
· One oddsmaker puts Departed ahead with 5-4 odds, and Sunshine right behind it at 5-2, but it could easily pull ahead, as Academy members looking for some uplift among a depressing field will ultimately prove unable to resist the charms of its suicidal gay uncles and heroin-snorting dead grandpas. [USA Today]
· The Genies (for the uninitiated: Canada's top film award, and no, none of your three wishes will turn it into an Oscar) gives its Claude Jutra Award for best freshman filmmaker to Vancouver's Julia Kwan for Eve and the Fire Horse, and Stephane Lapointe of Montreal for The Secret Life of Happy People. [Variety]
· The Bagger is set adrift by this year's Oscar unpredictablity. Come on, Oscar-prognosticating-monkey, prognosticate for us! [The Carpetbagger]

· Sacha Baron Cohen may be the Oscars' only hope at getting a younger, wider audience to show up to this year's telecast, though of course there's no guarantee any time he spends at the podium won't be filled with references to how convincingly Ellen DeGeneres has hidden her testisatchels. [The Envelope]
· The Oscar ballots are in the mail and must be returned to Pricewaterhouse-Coopers by 5 p.m., February 20, where a small army of accountants will tabulate them and shout things like, "Yup! Another one for Forest!" [Variety]
· "Oscars" has seen a 440% jump in search engine queries since the nominations were announced, with increases for nominees Will Smith, Leonardo DiCaprio, Penelope Cruz, Kate Winslet, and, most popular, "Helen Mirren without underwear." [Earthtimes.org]
· Jennifer Hudson told Oprah she will be performing a song at the Oscar ceremony. And we are telling you it won't be the one you want to hear, but "Love You I Do." And we are also telling you that jokes involving this particular lyric have long overstayed their welcome. [Broadwayworld.com]
· Abigail Breslin also mentioned to Oprah that her date for the evening will be Curious George—her stuffed monkey. Bi-Curious George, meanwhile, still hasn't announced who he'll be bringing. [Hello]

· Taylor "Mr. Helen Mirren" Hackford (don't call him that—he gets touchy) hosts "Shorts!" at the Samuel Goldwyn—not a celebration of the latest in Bermuda, hoochie, board, and cargo styles, but a program featuring the ten Oscar-nominated films in the animated and live-action short categories. [Variety]
· For those of you feeling cheated out of an Oscar fashion show, however, here's a clip from the Andre Leon Talley event we mentioned a few weeks ago, in which Vogue intern and star of MTV's The Hills Whitney stumbles down some stairs modeling Hilary Swank's backless number. [BWE, Reuters]
· WGA West's Animation Writers Caucus is giving Jules Feiffer a lifetime achievement award at this year's Writers Guild Awards. The longtime Village Voice cartoonist also wrote Carnal Knowledge and Popeye. [Variety]
· We know who won Sundance, but what about the satellite festivals? Dylan Verrechia's Tijuana Makes Me Happy picked up Slamdance's top narrative honor, while the Slamdunk Film Festival awarded best fictional feature prize to The Junior Defenders. [THR]

With Oscar front-runners like Helen Mirren, Forrest Whitaker, Eddie Murphy, and Jennifer Hudson scooping up virtually every tacky statue on the awards circuit to this point, the NY Times laments that their inevitable Academy Awards acceptance speeches will probably be nothing but predictable, slightly refined versions of the ones they've already inflicted upon us multiple times. While the Times credits Mirren with professionally executing the classy sentiments honed on various auditorium stages and talk show couches, they seem to dread more of the same on Oscar night:

Upon hearing about how SAG trophy winners like Helen Mirren carried on backstage about how heavy the twelve-pound, yet modestly endowed, Actor statue feels ("'It's the heaviest of all,' she said. 'It's also the most beautiful.'"), an enraged and defiant Academy president Sid Ganis pledged to deliver this year's Oscar statuettes at a more impressive weight, "Even if we have to weld a ten-pound, gilded cock on each one."

While we're generally content to let our wrong-coasted siblings over at Gawker have all the adventures in contextual advertising, we ran across this Little Miss Sunshine For Your Consideration ad in rotation around today's story about What Went Wrong with Paramount/DreamWorks' Oscar campaign for Dreamgirls. (Refreshing the page a few times might also yield a peek at the Dreamgirls FYC spot fighting for too-little-too-late pageviews.) If you watch Fox Searchlight's animated attempt to rub in "Little Best Picture's" nomination triumph closely enough, you may be able to see a single, fleeting frame in which the Sunshine's drug-addled grandpa symbolically shoves Beyoncé out of the film's iconic VW bus.

· Winner Forest Whitaker remembers the lean days fondly: "I could live on somebody's couch and live on ramen. My friends and my family were more concerned than I was." Particularly the friends and family on whose couches he was dripping ramen broth for months at a time. [Variety]
· Curl up with Tom O'Neil, whose post-SAG awards video blog post delivered from his bed was only slightly less disturbing than the Carpetbagger's post in which he lamented Dreamgirls' best picture snub while sitting on the toilet. [The Envelope]
· Jonathan Dayton, co-director of Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture winner Little Miss Sunshine, explains his theory of good comedy: "For humor to really work, 25 percent of the people can't really get it. If it's really funny, not everyone will be in on the joke." So if you didn't find the movie hilarious, you now know it's because you're part of the quarter of the population incapable of getting it. [The Carpetbagger]
· Transcripts of some notable acceptance speeches, including Alec Baldwin's win for 30 Rock, in which he makes special mention of focus puller Jonathan, who "shaves six or eight years off my close-ups." [SAG Awards]
· Moments after a cloud of green smoke had dissipated, nominee and amateur illusionist Will Smith wowed red carpet photographers by successfully transforming his flamingo date into spouse Jada Pinkett-Smitt. [The Envelope]
· Asked if there's a chance of a Little Miss Sequel, screenwriter Michael Arndt admitted he "has been thinking of things," but that he wasn't sure audiences would want to go along for the re-animating grandpa ride. [THR]

Perhaps the ceremony's only true highlight was Grey's Anatomy's star Chandra Wilson's acceptance speech for her Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series win (above, also presented with Spanish voiceover here), in which the actress, moments after a clip played featuring her admonishing co-star T.R. Knight for looking at her "vajayjay", thanked "those 10 cast members sitting over there, and the other one in rehab." Apparently, the requirements of Isaiah Washington's recovery program prevented him from attending the event with his colleagues, allowing him to avoid an uncomfortable moment backstage after the Grey's cast's TV ensemble award, when he might have attempted to demonstrate his speedy progress through Gayhab by repeatedly inviting Knight to join in an open-mouth display of healing.