On Saturday, Australia will hold its federal election. The current conservative government—a center-right coalition led by the Liberal Party—is narrowly slated to win out, despite the fact that the Liberal Party appears to have laundered taxpayer money through a company the party owns.

In one of Australia’s biggest drug busts ever, 50 gallons of liquid methylamphetamine were discovered inside silicon push-up bra inserts shipped from mainland China. An investigation lead to 140 more gallons (worth $900 million in total) inside some art supplies stashed in five storage units in Sydney, the AP reports.

“Piercing screaming and shouts of ‘I’m going to kill you’ prompted Australian police to rush to a Sydney home at 2am, only to find an embarrassed man and a large spider.”

Employees ejected a group of black teens from a Melbourne, Australia, Apple Store this week, telling them that store staff were “just worried you might steal something.” One of the boys, Francis Ose, posted a video of the incident on Facebook with the title “Simply Racism—made them apologize tho.”

Detainees at an Australian-run detention center on Christmas Island rioted this weekend following the death of a Kurdish Iranian refugee, setting fire to parts of the facility as guards fled early Monday morning, the New York Times reports.

Two Brisbane, Australia blokes who review golf courses on YouTube, James Macklin and Connor Reeves, just wanted to have their shot at Queensland’s Hervey Bay Golf Club, but this kangaroo wasn’t having it, mate.

Essena O’Neill, an 18-year-old from Australia, is an Instagram celebrity—that is, an otherwise normal high-schooler who’s racked up almost 600,000 followers by posting photos of herself on the app. Last week, however, she announced to her fans that she’s quitting social media because it is “not real life.”

Australia has formally denied Chris Brown’s visa application to tour in that country on character grounds, the Guardian reports.

How big was that shark? That shark was so big it scared famed Australian television personality Karl Stefanovic out of the water forever: “That’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Uh-oh, is there a doctor in the house? Because I think I’m having a cute-mergency!

On Friday, an Australian woman uploaded a chilling 43-second video showing her narrow escape from a relentless, seemingly unstoppable beast.

There’s an old adage in journalism, probably: “Sometimes you chase the story, and sometimes you become the story [because a witness in a murder trial just used your face as an ashtray.]”

According to Phys.org, researchers have discovered two new species of antechinus, a marsupial whose breeding period is characterized by weeks of frenzied, 14-hour fuckfests until the males get so stressed out they literally die.

Industrial rock guitarist, liar, and accused international canine trafficker Johnny Depp may face up to 10 years in prison or a maximum fine of $340,000, The Sydney Morning Herald reports, penalties related to sneaking his dogs into Australia in April.

A Melbourne, Australia mom posted a warning to Facebook last week about a creepy man who, she believed, had taken a picture of her kids in the children’s clothing section of the local mall Target. She followed the man and took his photo, she said, and police and mall security were on the case.

As you watch this poor pup go around and around in his dinghy, your heart, too, will spin circles. Do you take pity? He’s trapped on that tiny boat, and all that motion is surely wreaking havoc on his tummy. Do you laugh? Dumb dog! Or do you feel envy? Dinghy donuts are probably more fun than lots of things, such as watching YouTube videos of dumb dogs.

Australia finally has a reason to be proud. After spotting the camera-mounted Google Street View car roaming through her Port Pirie neighborhood, Karen Davis stepped up to share her enormous boobs with the world [NSFW pics below].

In this life, you flail blindly, pummeling your way from one day to the next through alternating periods of heroic effort and helpless inertia, unwilling or unable to behold the world beyond the lonely confines of your own ego. In this way, you resemble an idiot kangaroo with a watering can stuck on its head.

In terrifying footage caught on a skydiver's helmet camera, Christopher Jones can be seen having a seizure mid-air, his convulsing body tumbling to the ground until his partner is able to trigger his parachute.

After a rash of wildfires burned through Victoria and South Australia this month, poor baby koalas have been getting their paws and their "rumps" singed when hanging out, minding their own business in trees. The only solution: mittens with cartoon koalas on them! Cute!!!