associated-press

Remainders: Jacob the Dealer

Jessica · 06/15/06 06:12PM

• We just can't believe that anyone calling himself "Jacob the Jeweler," who makes his living crafting massive, diamond-encrusted watches and pendants for the good people of the hip-hop industry, would have anything to do with a drug ring called the Black Mafia Family. [TMZ]
• Introducing our new favorite website: Long Awkward Pose. People look stupid when they pose for pictures, but they look even more stupid when they don't know they're being videotaped during their earnest posing. Hilarity ensues. [Long Awkward Pose]
• Markos Moulitsas of Daily Kos thinks Maureen Dowd is a "catty, insecure bitch," which may or may not having something to do with former Wonkette Ana Marie Cox. Crazy fucking redheads. [The Stranger]
• If a sex shop comes to Soho, it has to be luxe. Kiki de Montparnasse fits the bill — and if it's high-end, the celebrities shall flock. Go and watch Lenny Kravitz buy a high-end dildo, it'll change your life. [NY Sun]
• Daniel Klaidman comes to NYC to be the assistant managing fluffer at Newsweek. [FishbowlDC]
• Associated Press management slowly dehydrates its staff to death. [The Slug]
• Bill Gates announces that in two years he'll go part-time at Microsoft and devote his energies full-time to his charity work. Steve Jobs cackles, John Hodgman weeps. [Forbes]

The 'S' Is For 'Stupid'

Pareene · 10/05/05 12:00PM

Ever since the Associated Press' Current TV-esque ill-advised new youth-targeted newswire asap — all lowercase, no periods — "dropped," as the hip-poppers say, the results, as you'd expect, have been like the scene in an "urban" comedy in which a middle-aged white character actor talks like Snoop Dogg — equally embarrassing to young, old, black, and white.

Everything is Abbreviated

Jesse · 09/20/05 11:02AM

It's day two of asap, the AP's new "younger audience service," and we think we now understand it: Younger audiences like brief, totally inconsequential and news-free items on ridiculously overexposed "young" "celebrities."

Today's AP, Not Just for Old People Anymore

Jesse · 09/14/05 10:30AM

Actually, we didn't know the Associated Press was just for old people — we've been prematurely curmudgeonly since at least our early teens, so we're maybe not the best example — but apparently it is. How else to explain the need for a new, additional AP service geared toward young readers?