As you've undoubtedly heard by now, a "mystery missile" was launched off of California's coast on Sunday night. Or was it just an airplane? At any rate, tonight, Jon Stewart handily mocked the media for their exaggerated reactions. Video inside.

The L.A. Coliseum was barred from holding raves after a 15-year-old died of a drug overdose there earlier this year. The ban was overturned by a commission yesterday because no one died at the last two raves held there.

With his approval rating "hover[ing] in the low 20s" and an election day referendum to reverse his greatest legislative victory, California's steroidal governor is set to leave on a low note. His fancy fingers, however, will continue to shine.

Hollywood, the most original dream factory in the world, is apparently remaking Paul Verhoeven's marvelous 1990 sci-fi adventure Total Recall, possibly with Colin Farrell in the Arnold Schwarzenegger "Quaiiiddd!!" role. Aw, his face won't look as funny all bulged out.

The Jolie-Pitt brood begins school in a fortress of solitude in Budapest. Jennifer Aniston is the world's most eligible single lady. Chelsea Handler goes on a date with 50 Cent. Tuesday gossip is ready to mingle.

[California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger peddles totally ripped California pistachio nuts during a vist to Tokyo today. Image via Getty]

What if George Lucas had gone in a different direction for the voice of Dark Vader? Perhaps you're thinking "Arnold Schwarzenegger would have been amazing! Why didn't that happen?" Here's a taste of what could have been. If only.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger called California's $19.2 billion budget deficit a "fiscal emergency." The state could be broke by October.

The land around the Hollywood sign was going to be turned into luxury estates if someone didn't buy the 138-acre parcel first. A conservation group has now raised the cash. Who was the last-minute donor? The founder of Playboy, naturally.

In the past three years, Apple CEO Steve Jobs has battled liver disease, undergone transplant surgery, and returned to run the multi-billion dollar company he co-founded. Now he's pushing for a state bill that may revolutionize California's organ donor system.

It's been nearly a decade since California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in Terminator 3. Author Edward Jay Epstein looks back at Schwarzenegger's final movie contract, the product of state-of-the-art deal-making and still the gold standard for Hollywood lawyers.

California has finally realized the only way to rescue itself from the sinking tarpit of its fiscal crisis is to pimp out Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's why the Governator is doing ads in Japan, tagged with the slogan "It's-Got-Everything-fornia!"

The trailer for The Expendables (née My Big Fat 90's Action Movie) debuted today and features Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis and a panoply of other names you haven't heard since Demoliton Man was tearing up the box office.

Today at Gawker.TV, John Stamos joins The Beach Boys for a performance on Dancing With the Stars, Rumer Willis' girl-on-girl kiss on 90210, Raquel Welch and Martha Stewart discuss their breasts, and 160 of Arnold Schwarzenegger's best movie quotes.

There is one thing that can be taken away from this video, and it's that Arnold Schwarzenegger is unquestionably the greatest actor of this generation.

There's never been a better time to go on a crime spree in California. To cut the state's $20 billion budget deficit, under a proposed plan convicted felons can be released on parole with no supervision. Not a bad idea!

About damn time this surfaced. The first time we all saw the Karate Kid trailer the only thing that came to mind was "what does Arnold think?" Now that he finally reviewed it, he can go back to breaking California.

Old Hollywood hottie could meet New Hollywood hottie in an upcoming film. What will happen? Will they generate so much heat that the Earth's atmosphere catches on fire? Rounding out a week of late-night news, it's a hottie-filled Trade Roundup!

Accused of skipping meals and wasting away, the leader of the free world protested: Am not, I have naturally fine bones, and I'm under a lot of pressure. Hey Barack, quit stealing Nicole Richie's lines.

This is a real-life, genuine letter from California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to the Sate Assembly, announcing his intention to veto a harmless bill that would've financed the Port of San Francisco. As you can see, it spells out "Fuck You."