[Yesterday's snow has now melted into puddles of brown nastiness on the streets of New York. Can we talk about something other than snow now? Image via AP]

Charlie Sheen's coke-fueled evening with a porn star and subsequent trip to the hospital has earned him another stint in rehab. He checked into an undisclosed facility earlier today and Two and a Half Men is now on hiatus.

Rep. Dennis Kucinich has settled his case against the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria, which sold him a "dangerous" olive pit-filled sandwich in 2008 that destroyed his teeth. Kucinich announced the settlement with a gross statement this afternoon.

Outgoing White House spokesman Robert Gibbs started his press briefing after hours of delay this afternoon, and man, did he look terrified! Probably because there's a semi-revolution in a crucial American client state, currently. Will American turn on Egypt's president?

In your venturesome Friday media column: Jeff Zucker's rumored to have big plans, People StyleWatch is insanely successful, Demand Media's coming to buy your blog, and Mark Whitaker heads to CNN.

Give them credit: It's only January, but the new Republican-controlled House is already obnoxiously redefining "rape" in pieces of legislation. Under their plan, only abortions from "forcible rape" would be eligible for government funding, instead of the much simpler "rape."

John Paulson, who runs his own hedge fund, made $4 billion in 2007, inspiring the book The Greatest Trade Ever. Time for another book. Last year, Paulson made $5 billion. To put that figure into perspective: that's insane. [WSJ]

Alaska's attorney general has set a May deadline for state officials to release 26,500 pages of emails from Sarah Palin's gubernatorial administration. Can you imagine reading through 26,500 pages of Palin's annoying emails? Drugs would be necessary.

When we last checked in with dinosaurlike "book store" Borders, it was desperately seeking a loan to stave off bankruptcy. Well, they got their $550 million loan! But there's a fair chance they'll still go bankrupt. Showing good effort! [Dealbook]

Gossipy mobster Vincent Basciano, better known as Vinny Gorgeous, is going on trial next month for murder and racketeering, but he's upset about his "cold and moist" jail cell in the terrorist wing of Manhattan's Metropolitan Correctional Center. Poor Vinny.

Kim Jong-il's loafer-loving son Kim Jong-nam, speaking with Japanese reporters, said his father never wanted to hand power over to one of his sons but did so in order to "stabilize the framework of the nation." Yeah, that makes sense.

According to a new report, killer Tracy Province planned to commit 'suicide by bear' in Yellowstone park this summer while on the lam. Instead, he gave himself up. But how does one commit suicide by bear? Here's how!

Egypt's apparent blocking of Twitter and Facebook amid fierce protests this week was nothing: Now it appears they've blocked the entire internet, as well as text messaging. It's got the whole world watching and wondering: What's next?

Indiana Rep. Mike Pence, who has an unusually devout following among conservatives, has announced he won't run for president. Thus concludes an afternoon of speculation that began with a call to his mother.

David Kato, a Ugandan gay rights activist and one of the people outed by local newspaper last October, was found dead in his home. One suspect is in custody and another, who supposedly lived with Kato, is still at large.

In your ice-encased Thursday media column: Sam Zell is done with you media types, Comcast wouldn't dream of touching NBC News, rabbis (in the pocket of George Soros, commie Jew) hate Glenn Beck, and The Daily is coming next week.

Barack Obama's YouTube Q&A session starts at 2:30 this afternoon! Which submitted questions will he answer? Because among the top 200 questions as voted by users, only two aren't about the war on drugs or marijuana prohibition.

Time's Mark Halperin has it "confirmed by sources" that the anonymous author behind O: A Presidential Novel is Mark Salter, the former right hand man to John McCain. He's been hiding in Maine, writing this thing!

Girl Scout Cookies are an apt metaphor for our economy: it was working just fine. Then someone got the bright idea to hugely expand it. Then it collapsed. Soon, there will be just six kinds of Girl Scout cookies left.

Egyptian security forces have arrested as many as 1,000 people over nationwide anti-government protests. What's it like to be in Egyptian police custody? A Guardian reporter recorded his arrest: "We ran a gauntlet of officers beating us with sticks."