Czech president Vaclav Klaus embarrassed his country by stealing a pen during an official signing ceremony. But the Czech people have risen up admirably to mock him: More than 5,000 Czechs have signed up on Facebook to mail Klaus pens. According to the Facebook page, participants will send the presidential office writing implements on May 2 because "Mr. president obviously has nothing to write with." [via Daily What; image via AP]

So the deal for the "largest spending cut in history" that no one knew the components of until ~5 minutes ago is coming up for rubber-stamping today, to avoid a government shutdown. The votes are expected to be there. But maybe we'll get lucky and the government of the greatest nation in the history of the world will shut down anyway, over confusing math.

Barack Obama's major deficit reduction speech this afternoon was certainly better than expected.

Delirious old coot Sen. Jim Inhofe has a flying license! Who knew? What's even more amazing is that he was able to keep this license after choosing to land his Cessna on a closed runway last year, even though there were "men and equipment on the runway," over whom he "sky hopped" after the first touch down. Wow. And yet, so in-character for Jim Inhofe! It's pathetic that this doesn't even surprise us.

The framework for deficit reduction President Obama will lay out Wednesday is a mixed bag for members of his party. It borrows heavily in some areas from the conservative-leaning Bowles-Simpson recommendation, but commits elsewhere to enhancing the cost-cutting programs in the health care law and rejects Republican proposals to privatize entitlements, or maintain or reduce the tax burden on the upper class.

Okay, banksters, let's call a temporary truce: We'll stop calling you sociopathic bloodsucking hell monsters for a few weeks, if you can just get Speaker John Boehner to stop using the impending debt ceiling vote as leverage to cut basically every entitlement program. We're all in this together against the dingbats who don't understand that failing to raise the debt ceiling means Global Apocalypse, not "tightening our belts" or whatever other homey metaphor that doesn't apply to macroeconomic reality.

Most Americans think of our neighbor to the south, the land of Meh-hee-ko, as a place primarily populated by taco-wielding mariachi bands passing out tequila shots in a welcoming spirit of friendship, speaking "espanyole." We regret to inform you that that impression may be overoptimistic.

Leave it to Big Government to take all the fun out of sporting in Alaska. Last week, the state's Department of Fish and Game proposed banning the use of tasers on wild animals — such as moose and grizzlies — after "media attention" shed light on what some fear is a rising problem. One issue that could arise, according to the Fish and Game Department's "Taser expert," biologist Larry Lewis:

Deposed Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarak was detained today, after his well-timed "heart attack" during questioning over allegations of corruption and for ordering the violent crackdown on pro-democracy protesters earlier this year. Last night his klepto sons, Gamal and Alaa were arrested and taken in for questioning in Sharm el-Sheikh, where the family has a massive compound, presumably built with money stolen from the state. In a statement, Egypt's prosecutor general said:

Fresh off last week's down-to-the-wire spending showdown, President Obama and Speaker John Boehner are locking horns again on fiscal matters — and this time the stakes for the U.S. economy are even more monumental.

Texas' legislature is moving a bill to increase the speed limit on certain highways and rural roads to 85 miles per hour, the highest in the country. Throw in your "free 10," and you'll be able to drive 95 mph in Texas without much chance of getting pulled over. Maybe even 100, depending on how much speeding ticket revenue is needed to fill local budgetary gaps. You know what? Just floor the goddamn thing and forget the limit altogether. It'll catch up to you in a few more legislatures.

The French rolled up in more than 30 armored cars to the compound of Ivory Coast 'strongman' Laurent Gbagbo today and finally arrested him. All hail the French! The civil war sparked by Gbagbo's refusal to step down following his election loss last November is hopefully reaching its conclusion. This will come as terrible news to several prominent evangelical Christians back here in America.

Remember the "voluptuous blonde" Ukrainian nurse described in a Wikileaks cable about Colonel Muammar Qaddafi? Well, he had a bunch of them, most of whom fled Libya as the rebellion grew stronger. And luckily for us, Newsweek tracked one of them down. According to 24-year-old Oksana Balinskaya, Colonel Qaddafi:

This government budget crisis has produced at least one very welcome offshoot for Barack Obama: It gives him an excuse to cancel a family vacation to lame Colonial Williamsburg. Maybe that's been the goal all along?

Notorious Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle is already making a name for himself during his freshman House term. Unfortunately, most of that is due to his terrible standup comedy. But the boy wonder now has an opportunity to redeem himself and restore the Quayle family name to its fading 1980s glory. He's been tasked with ensuring America's earthquake preparedness, from his chair in a House subcommittee.

Here's a cheap mid-afternoon giggle for federal workers: A hot-off-the-presses White House proclamation declaring next week — when the government may be shut down — National Volunteer Week. It's that patented Hawaii dry humor, folks; don't try it at home.

If a government shutdown happens, it'll be because Republicans are demanding policy restrictions in addition to spending cuts before agreeing to fund the government through September. These policy restrictions would target abortion providers and seek to limit the reach of the Environmental Protection Agency.

Confederate racist ex-Senator George "Macaca" Allen is running to reclaim the Virginia Senate seat he lost in 2006 by being racist, or at least widely interpreted by everyone as such. But that's all over now! No more needless racial flare-ups on this campaign! Except for the comical one that just happened, and maybe more down the line.

A new tsunami warning has been issued after a 7.4 magnitude aftershock hit off the coast of Japan, 73 miles from the nuclear plant at Fukushima. The Japan meteorological agency warned of a wave up to six feet. The tsunami generated by last month's 9.0 earthquake was estimated to be over 120 feet. [Image via AP]

The president has convened a late night (for Washington) meeting tonight to solve the budget crisis before tomorrow night's government shutdown. 8:45 p.m. White House. Harry Reid and John Boehner will be there. Will you? Obviously not, because you're just some random person reading this website.