Trouble, the canine companion of embattled hotel magnate Leona Helmsley, has died at age 12. Trouble inherited $2 million (a judged decreased the award from the $12 million stipulated in Helmsley's will) when the infamous tax evader died in 2007. Trouble's remaining fortune will be diverted to the The Leona M. and Harry B. Helmsley Charitable Trust, and not to Helmsley's two grandchildren who she cut out of her will. His name wasn't Trouble for nothing!

Mitt Romney was a bad Republican last week. We'll tell you what he did, but first, send your children into the other room. Ready? He gave a big old bear hug to Science, by casually acknowledging that climate change may exist and humans may play some role in that. This is a calamitous "gaffe," and now everyone else in the GOP is trying to destroy him anew.

20-year-old Colton Harris-Moore, the "Barefoot Bandit" who became famous for stealing airplanes, boats and other rich people toys while shoeless, has been sitting in jail since his arrest in the Bahamas last July. The Bandit is a prime suspect in over 70 crimes. Originally a plea deal was being hashed out that would give all proceeds from book or movie deals to his victims and their insurance companies. But one of the Bandit's lawyers, John Henry Browne says prosecutors are no longer into the idea. Speaking to the AP, Browne said:

After assuming—from the looks of it, quite wrongly—that his ex-girlfriend had gotten an abortion, Greg Fultz spent $1,300 to have this unique billboard erected along a highway in Alamogordo, N.M. Now he and his silhouette-baby are Internet famous!

Before suspected murderer and confirmed creep Joran van der Sloot allegedly killed 21-year-old Stephany Flores in Peru last year, he was tapped out from gambling and considered selling his services for some quick cash. The mad Dutchman was racking up debts with a hotel and "others," according to the National Enquirer. Things got so bad for van der Sloot that he allegedly wrote to a friend, "I'm in such a serious situation that I would prostitute myself in return for help."

Bad news for Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and idiot Republican candidates on the campaign trail who have nothing better to talk about: They'll no longer be able to scare listeners with the prospect of Democrats reviving the Fairness Doctrine! Because FCC chair Julius Genachowski has agreed to take the dated, unenforced rule out of its books, once and for all.

For some time now, America-in-store-form Wal-Mart has been experiencing declining sales, despite its attempts to use all types of different items as hooks to lure shoppers back in. Great! But Target has problems too. Wherefore the big box store?

The $16 billion battle between retailers and banks over new caps on debit card swipe fees appears to have been won by... retailers! The Senate was unable to pass an amendment today that would've "delayed" (killed) the caps' implementation.

It looks like Rep. Michele Bachmann will be running for president, unless you hire a renowned campaign manager and plan a major rally in the Iowa town where you were born just to get a cruel laugh out of it. We shouldn't rule that out. But she seems ready to run, capable of doing well in Iowa, and willing to have her good friend and possible Iowa competitor Sarah Palin trashed through surrogates.

After searching for two months, Australia's Department of Defense claims to have "lost" all but one of its files concerning UFO sightings, which were requested by a newspaper through the country's Freedom of Information laws. This leads us to two, equally plausible theories:

Don't you just love this new batch of Republican governors? This may be the first crop to produce two governors who've pissed people off by removing paintings of the poor in their first months in office. First there was Maine Gov. Paul LePage, who took down a large labor mural because it gave businessmen the willies. Now our old pal from Wisconsin, Gov. Scott Walker, has removed a painting of poor, homeless, minority kids from his mansion, because he preferred some painting of an old bald eagle instead.

After making a big stink about not hiring any servants, Prince William and Kate Cambridge (is that her name now?) have posted an ad looking for a housekeeper and a dresser. No, that means someone to dress them, not a piece of furniture. Looks like Kate is going to enjoy the leisurely palace life after all.

Former Democratic Sen. Evan Bayh simply had to resign from Congress last year, as our polarized politics were preventing him from singlehandedly saving the world in his role as a mere public servant. "At this time," as he said in his powerful resignation speech, "I simply believe I can best contribute to society in another way: creating jobs by helping grow a business, helping guide an institution of higher learning, or helping run a worthy charitable endeavor." Got it? He would sacrifice his sizable political power to help America, by creating jobs, giving to charity, and advancing higher education.

Britain's most famous old conservative lady, former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, does not appear to have time in her schedule to take a house call from Sarah Palin. Tut, tut. Whatever else shall Palin do during her upcoming trip to London? Meet with that pretender, David Cameron? One would prefer stay at home.

Summer bargain alert! Come Friday, you can treat yourself to 24,199 pages of electronic messages sent between Sarah Palin, her husband/snowmobile maintenance man, Todd, and various Alaska state officials, for the low, low price of $725.97. (Sorry, no Palin-to-English dictionary included.)

A San Diego man named Donny Love Sr. was convicted today in federal court for concocting a courthouse bombing plot that involved asking his "on-again, off-again" girlfriend to bomb the courthouse for him, then trying to turn her into the FBI. Donny Love, you know nothing about love.

Today we watched as congressman Anthony Weiner confessed to sending racy pics to an online lady. Oh brother, another one? Yup, another one. What's the reasoning here, one incredulous commenter wondered.

Roger Ailes, the totally paranoid chairman of Fox News, called up Newsweek/The Daily Beast's Howard Kurtz over the weekend to fight back against some of the bad press he's seen over the last couple weeks. Kurtz dutifully wrote down the things Ailes said irrespective of their truth value, and then published them online.

The documentary about herself that Sarah Palin secretly commissioned, The Undefeated — a.k.a. Triumph of the Grift — will debut in Iowa at some point later this month. And some lucky film connoisseurs, mostly all for conservative publications, have already viewed advance copies! So does it give Errol Morris a run for his money, or is it undiluted shite? Critics are torn.

Maybe-presidential candidate Rick Perry doesn't just have a spirit animal—he is a spirit animal. That's why he's hosting a "solemn gathering of prayer and fasting" for America's governors in August. Inspirational video inside!