Even though Swine Flu is definitely sort of over, it's still in the news! This time, researchers say that H1N1 can trigger fits of narcolepsy. It was previously believed that swine flu vaccinations caused this. Either way... be afraid!

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

After months of trying, rebel forces finally and quickly entered the capital city of Tripoli—busting through 42-year dictator Muammar Qaddafi's "ring of steel defense." Ecstatic Libyans are celebrating in the streets, honking their horns, jumping up and down, and chanting "down with Qaddafi! or Khaddafi! or however the fuck you spell it ... Gah!"

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann says the reason why she confuses Elvis Presley's birthday with his death day, and Russia for the Soviet Union, and herself with John Wayne Gacy when she means John Wayne—John Wayne, guys—is because "when you speak six times a day, slip-ups can occur."

Instead of creating cuddly animals that people might actually want (mini-giraffes for the home, hamsters large enough to put on a leash and take for walks), some Harvard University scientists are mixing up chicken DNA to make "embryos with alligator-like snouts instead of beaks." Great!

Libyan leader/fashion icon Muammar Gaddafi might have to file for unemployment soon, as it seems rebel fighters in his country—emphasis on "his," at least until now—have put down their bongs and taken control of several cities. Now they're gearing up to take over Tripoli, the Libyan capital city. Like, for real this time.

If mass graves filled with the bodies of murdered tourists haven't dissuaded you from making Acapulco your vacation/honeymoon/extramarital affair destination yet, this might do the trick: headless corpses have been turning up all over the seaside town, according to Mexican authorities.

The 45,000 or so unionized Verizon workers who have been on strike since August 7 will go back to work on Tuesday under an extension to their existing contract, while negotiators for both sides are still trying to agree on a new and not necessarily improved contract.

Earlier this week we learned that dogs are good for your respiratory system because they can smell your lung cancer. But are dogs also maybe bad for your lungs, because they manufacture poop that's loaded with airborne bacteria?

American princess Kim Kardashian and her towering beau are changing their tax status. Charlie Sheen and his once-upon-a-time bride Brooke Mueller are celebrating sobriety, of all things, in Mexico. Lady Gaga's been surfing. Today's Gossip Roundup is strutting down the aisle in a satiny white gown, taking your breath away.

Without presenting any evidence whatsoever to back up their claim, Iranian authorities have sentenced American hikers Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer to five years in prison for spying for the United States. And you thought American justice was bad!

Why did Michele Bachmann hire an accused terrorist and ex-spy who pals around with a central figure in the Ugandan effort to make homosexuality a crime punishable by death?

The reaction to the Obama Administration's decision to send Vice Talker Joe Biden to China on a supremely delicate diplomatic mission was pretty universal: Fuck! Please please please tell us that he didn't terrify them with awkward jokes about their large holdings of U.S. Treasuries?

Texas is a wonderful place to govern for 11 years, as it turns out: there's no ban on receiving gifts.

The mysterious and, frankly, menacing mystery orange goo that coated the shores of Alaska recently in a mysterious and menacing fashion has finally—at long last—been positively identified. It's not your mom!

Major fast food chains generally prefer to have kiddie touchers for mascots. But trend-setting Burger King has had enough with its "creepy" king. Get ready to experience what one expert calls "the Whole Foods effect":

President Obama is beginning his third consecutive annual family vacation to Martha's Vineyard, in August, when literally nothing happens anywhere. On a scale from 10 to 10, how furious does this pretend to make you? Because it makes some people very pretend unhappy!

A staffer working for Rep. Darrell Issa's Oversight Committee on financial regulation issues has come under scrutiny by ThinkProgress for changing his name after he left his previous position at Goldman Sachs. The story implied that he changed his name three years ago to hide his background with the company.

Usually Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma is a classy guy. He's long been one of President Obama's good Republican friends, he's open to raising more tax revenue, and he actually called Nancy Pelosi a "nice lady" once. So it's strange to see him now making jokes about shooting all of his colleagues, claiming that Medicare makes things worse for old people, and making gross generalizations about black people, all in one lovely summer day of townhallery.

Listen up, poors: important "news you can use" about how the government will take your children away from you, for some bullshit. They can't technically take your kids away just for being poor, but god forbid you smoke a spliff.