A homeless man has been charged with animal cruelty after he killed a pelican with his bare hands.

Chimpanzees are not pets.

Bears breaking into places and behaving like adorable gluttons is totally a thing now. First, the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory incident, and now a Norwegian bear party.

It's the kind of story local news lives for — a black bear breaks into a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and makes off with several mouthfuls of merchandise.

Imagine if you lived with a teenager who went out every night drinking and killing and entering crawl spaces where they could become trapped.

This isn't the first time we've heard rumblings about swine flu, but the CDC wants us on the alert about a new strain that spreads from pigs to people.

Turns out these lap dogs aren't just for decoration: a three-year-old Chihuahua named Bell helped locate three missing girls who had gotten lost in the woods.

Anyone who saw the movie Catfish or has spent longer than 20 minutes online knows that social media is not exactly a paragon of honesty. But it's still a little surprising to learn that there are 83 million fake accounts on Facebook.

Rolo the hamster had quite the adventure over the weekend, apparently. First Rolo fell twelve feet out of a first floor window. Then he (she?) bounced off something called a 'car bonnet,' which sounds painful. And then some fucking cat chased it for a while. Luckily for Rolo, London's finest were standing nearby and on the case.

A Florida man's day went from bad to worse when he got his hand bitten off by an alligator and was charged with illegally feeding the animal.

Just FYI, watch out if you go walking around Maine, because gross pinchy underwater spider monsters are practically overrunning the entire coastline like an army sent from hell to destroy humanity, with claws. The time for hope is past.

When blogger and former Gawker contributor Bobby Finger tweeted, "OH MY GOD A BABY RABID ONE-EYED RACCOON," he had no idea it would bring him international attention.

Above is video of two goats surfing in California. The goats were trained by their owner, Dana McGregor. Said McGregor:

Sadly, no amount of jail time will bring back Viper the police dog, who died when he bit into a package of cocaine. But it still feels like justice is being served — the North Carolina man responsible has been sentenced to 11 years in jail.

The Voice judge and Bond villain Cee Lo Green spends much of his time on the reality TV competition stroking his feline companion, Purrfect. Next season he is swapping her out for a Moluccan cockatoo named Lady — and animal rights activists are not happy about it.

Don't get too attached to the lemurs in this photo.

The Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition (BARC) Shelter is a no-kill nonprofit animal shelter in Williamsburg. They're great! They do the dirty work of taking care of abandoned animals and, hopefully, getting someone to adopt them. That's not always easy.

Rescuers are trying to help a stranded dolphin return to the ocean after the animal got trapped in a narrow wetlands channel off the California coast. Actually, this is nothing like Free Willy, but when you think of marine mammals and miraculous rescues, what other film springs to mind?

Close call, everyone: a German artist has been denied the ability to perform his piece Death as Metamorphosis, in which he was going to strangle two puppies to death on stage. Despite the horrific, seemingly anti-puppy content, the artist claims he had the noblest of intentions.

"You need to see this photo, Drudge Report and Gawker," The Toronto Star tweeted today. The photo in question is of the ugliest mouse imaginable—veiny and bald and resembling an impossibly mutated monster's scrotum—with a tuft of coarse black hair growing from the back of its neck. The hair, the Star writes, is the product of revolutionary "bioengineered hair follicles" created by stem-cell researchers in Japan.