What's that? What's this? Sweet bubbles to be caught with your little mouth!

You know the feeling: Sure, it's been a fun night out, but you have to work in six hours and you're fading fast. Then suddenly—like a kind of magic—Your Jam comes on and instantly you're back howling with the best of them.

Authorities in Afghanistan are investigating a bizarre incident involving a wild bird outfitted with explosives and surveillance equipment* found walking along a road, NBC News reports.

The ferret's grand ambition was this: to escape his exile on the table and fly free across the great chasm, to the far-off ironing board. His owners ruled everything he could see, but surely they could not rule the sky.

An Idaho biology teacher is facing disciplinary action after Steven Seagal-ing a live rabbit during a lesson for his 10th grade class, Boise's KTVB reports.

Pug, we've been over this: yes, you're slightly more aerodynamic when you crouch like that, and yes, that weird thing you're doing with your tongue does sound a lot like an idling V-twin engine, and no, I don't understand the pink rag on your head, but I'll admit that it's cute as hell. Still, none of that makes you a motorcycle. You're a dog, damnit. A dog.

What does this fuzzy little stumblebum—apparently named Munchkin—want? I don't know, but she's coming right over, fast.

On Sunday morning, one of New York's carriage horses escaped from its reins and went for a leisurely stroll up Eleventh Avenue. Look at the horse, gaily trotting along, and you'd hardly know the police were in hot pursuit.

Early this morning, a tiny-ass British horse strode into the Cheshire Police headquarters in the Winsford, UK. The security guard stationed at the front desk—quite rudely, really—hopped out of his seat, attempting to shoo the guy away, but the horse was undeterred.

An unidentified suspect broke into a poultry plant near Fresno, Calif. on Sept. 19 and allegedly bashed nearly 1,000 chickens to death with a golf club, according to police.

A white tiger being kept at an zoo in New Delhi, India mauled a visitor to death on Tuesday after the man jumped into the tiger's enclosure. The attack, which was caught on video by a witness, reveals that officials did not intervene until it was too late.

"Electronic 'shock' collars might distress your dog." Nah...

Ida Parker and Kristin Orr were kayaking and taking pictures of seals off Plymouth, Mass., last night when a shark bit one of their boats, sending them both tumbling into the water. Both women escaped without injuries.

A monkey who stole money from a home in the Himachal Pradesh state of India reportedly began passing out that money to other people on Sunday, just for kicks! This is a cool monkey who likes to fuck with people.

Richard Henry Lee Elementary school in Glen Burnie, Md. will close at 9:45 a.m. today because—duh, of course, what else—a feral cat is currently terrorizing the campus.

After being attacked by a leopard in the northern state of Uttarakhand in India, a local woman refused to admit defeat, instead returning blows and killing the animal in under a half an hour with only farm tools.

Bees: winged bombs of fiery poison; bright invaders from above; nectar thieves with barbs of fury. We are saddened to report to you that our call for a War on Bees has gone unheeded, and—as a predictable result—Americans have died.

In Slate today, David Grimm asks: How much money can we ethically spend to save our sick pets? An excellent question (for arguing)! Let's try to construct a rough list.

The unidentified Mercedes-driving grey-haired middle-aged California white man "wearing a white-collared shirt and aviator-style sunglasses" who killed a peacock with a pellet gun may be a strong contender for Douche of the Decade in 2020.

Jackson Ault pulled over to the side of the road to help a woman whose car had broken down in Santa Fe recently. When he popped the hood, he found a goddamn 7-foot, 20-pound python inside.