When Angelina Jolie first came to national attention, it was as a brother-kissing hellion married to Billy Bob Thornton, making her current transformation into near-holy do-gooder all the more unlikely. However, fans of old Angelina need not worry — though the actress has recently made headlines for acts as mundane as scarfing Hot Pocket calzones, she now tells W that she's passed on one of her craziest habits to seven-year-old son Maddox: buying knives!

Is People magazine totally in the tank (like Pareene) for John McCain and his non-English-speaking VP lady? We hear that some staff members of the nation's leading smiling-coverperson mag are grumbling that People is giving too much positive press to the Republican candidates—for example, this feature where they ask readers to submit questions for the Palin family, without once mentioning they engage in moose-killing and other scandalous activities! Or this, with a headline quote that will make you exclaim "Har." Besides, doesn't People know that only Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston are qualified to appear on celebrity magazine covers? Science has proven it!: Forbes did an actual pseudoscientific study of a year's worth of celebrity mags and found that Angelina and Jennifer are the two most successful coverpersons. Britney Spears: nobody cares any more. These conclusions could have also been obtained simply by sitting quietly with your thoughts. In any case, the real question is: Is People in the tank? Feel free to email us if you're an employee who thinks so. Though we would remind you of this:

Remember when actress Minnie Driver took that really humble celebrity baby photo and we all thought it was nice and simple and not showy? Well, dear old Angelina Jolie—actress and professional child-haver—is doing the same, with a just-released beatific, breastfeeding (like Maggie!), earth mama portrait, taken by her hubby Brad Pitt, apparently. Except, oops. She's wearing makeup and it's on the cover of W magazine. So, OK, the intention is good—unadorned, real, human—but the execution is still a bit showy (W is awfully fancy). [CoverAwards] Gawp at a larger version after the jump and judge for yourself.

♦ Angelina Jolie can be seen breastfeeding on the cover of the upcoming issue of W. Brad Pitt is the one who took the pics. He's also the one who convinced Angie to have kids of her own, she says. [NYDN, People]
♦ A judge denied Christie Brinkley's request for a temporary restraining order that would bar Peter Cook for seeing their kids this weekend. He did rule that Cook cannot "expose" them to his 20/20 interview. [People]
♦ Sarah Palin is set to appear on SNL on October 25th. [Cindy Adams]

If there's one thing Angelina Jolie loves even more than Hot Pockets, it's babies. Together with partner Brad Pitt, Jolie collects children as though they were Pokemon, though the self-sired birth of their recent Chosen Blobs has allowed Jolie to engage in one eye-opening new activity: breast-feeding on the cover of W magazine! We'll let the purple prose of the Daily Mail describe the tableau: "The Hollywood star sits with brunette locks tumbling over her shoulders, with the top of her blouse pulled down to expose her breast - which is somewhat covered by the tiny fingers which just reveal the presence of one of her suckling twins." Funny, we saw it a different way. Our analysis and the full picture, after the jump:

Having produced now a total of three individual Rapture-hastening blobs from her fertile loins, Us Weekly—in an Angelina Jolie Junk Food-Gobbling Exclusive!— reports that the actress has managed to lose the Chosen Twins weight. We can hear you now: Angelina Jolie is capable of accumulating unwanted weight? But that's the kind of thing that happens to genetically imperfect mortals who have yet to rescue even a single motherless child from a developing nation! Well, hold on to your hats, as Jolie also reportedly developed an ugly addiction to that mass-market Calzone of Doom, the Hot Pocket:

♦ Michael Phelps is telling people he's single even though he's actually dating Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson. [R&M]
♦ Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters airs on Friday, but Christie Brinkley's lawyers now say he violated a confidentiality agreement by speaking with the network. [OK!, ABC News]
♦ Hugh Hefner says his relationship with Holly Madison began to crumble six months ago when they found out his sperm count was too low to father any kids. Also, he's already auditioning new girlfriends. [E!]
♦ Anna Wintour's latest celebrity obsession? Gerard Butler. [P6]

• Three months after giving birth, 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is said to be pregnant. Everyone's freaking out, "pals are begging her to abort." If only there was a national political leader, preferably experienced with teen pregnancy, who could guide the celebrity family in these trying times. [National Enquirer]

♦ In an interview with Barbara Walters which airs Friday, Peter Cook says it was Christie Brinkley's fault he cheated on her because she wasn't "meeting his needs." Oh, also, he'd like you to know he's really not a pervert. [NYDN]
♦ Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel are back together, although friends say they're "taking it slow." [People]
♦ Angelina Jolie got a tummy tuck, or at least that's what the Star says. [Star]
♦ Amy Winehouse's spokesperson says the singer is not suicidal. In fact, the rep says, "she's fine." Of course she is. [People]

Clint Eastwood took himself and his new film Changeling to its US premiere last weekend at the New York Film Festival. Just like we had for our audience with Mickey Rourke, we sneaked in via a film canister to check out the scene and lob a question his way; still, as lovely and reliably austere as Changeling is, we had more pressing issues on our mind than how little Eastwood rehearsed with Angelina Jolie (answer: hardly at all). To wit: How is a long-time conservative, former elected official and John McCain supporter like Eastwood getting his head around the Celebrity Election of '08 — Sarah Palin's candidacy in particular? Was this a circus anyone could have foreseen 57 years ago when he joined the GOP? He wasn't really going there, we soon learned (he was only slightly more candid at the recent New Yorker Festival, vaguely alluding to Palin's truthfulness in her debate with Joe Biden). But as reformed Republicans go, Eastwood still packs a robust skepticism alongside his tux when he travels."My mortgage is in the toilet, too," he replied. "I haven't been very active in politics. Yes, I started out as a Republican in 1951; I was a young 21-year-old in the Army, and I wanted to vote for Dwight Eisenhower. He, like all politicians, was always promising something, and he promised he would go to Korea and end the Korean War. But the Republican Party, as has the Democratic Party, has changed dramatically in the 50-some years that I've been involved with it, so I've sort of drifted to a more Libertarian point of view. The Libertarian Party never got going as a party — just leave everybody alone. It was very appealing to a guy like myself who came up in the '30s and watched my parents struggle through the Depression and [who] nowadays is wanting for nothing. "Now, of course, everybody is promising everything," Eastwood continued. "That's the only way to get elected: You have to promise to give people all kinds of stuff. You have to give away new cars like on Oprah or something. We'll give you anything to go down and vote. It's kind of perverted politics as far as I'm concerned. Whether Mr. McCain or Mr. Obama... Whatever happens there, who knows? There are a lot of promises going on there, too. It's a very confusing era." We couldn't agree more — we'll be so much happier when no one has to worry any longer about distinguishing Palin from Tina Fey. [Photo: Getty Images]

♦ David Duchovny has left the rehab facility where he's spent the last few weeks receiving treatment for sex addiction. He's now in NYC with wife Tea Leoni. [Us]
♦ Brangelina has left town. The family was spotted walking around New Orleans yesterday. [E!]
♦ Madonna made fun of Sarah Palin at her concert at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. [P6]
♦ Clint Eastwood might think Sarah Palin would make a good VP, although he didn't actually say it in so many words. [P6]
♦ Break out the tissues: Holly Madison says she and Hugh Hefner are no longer together. [TMZ]

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the New York Film Festival, a group of scientists seized upon the opportunity to finally ask the question: Is Angelina Jolie the sexiest woman on the planet? The collective closely examined the speciman in her natural environment, the Gotham premiere of her latest film, Changeling. After much deliberation, the scientists concluded that she is in fact, the sexiest woman alive. Dr. Myers, the lead scientist for the study said, “I mean, it’s all there. The eyes, the lips, etc. All arguments and bets can be settled, science has officially declared Angelina Jolie to be super bangin’.” [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Chelsea Clinton walking in flip-flops with a cup of espresso in hand ... Penn Badgley and Ed Westwick filming scenes for Gossip Girl outside the Palace Hotel ... Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes laughing with friends in Times Square ... Tom Cruise and daughter Suri leaving their apartment ... Rachel Bilson making an in-store appearance at Macy's in Herald Square ... John Mayer leaving his apartment with a big bag ... Madonna's kids Lourdes and Rocco arriving at the Kabbalah Center ... Tim Robbins and Brian Williams outside the Letterman show ... Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel getting in an SUV after Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky's wedding at Le Cirque ... Angelina Jolie outside Lee's Art Shop on West 57th Street with her kids, and later leaving Nobu with Brad Pitt.

• Sean Penn kissed a man for a movie, and for some reason sent an excited, rhyming text message to Madonna about it. [Fametastic]

♦ Rachael Ray's reps are denying reports that Ray has throat cancer, although they do admit she's having surgery for a cyst on her vocal cord in December. [People]
♦ It was a busy weekend for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. With hoards of paparazzi in tow, the couple made an appearance at the premiere of Changeling, where Angelina showed off her newest tattoos (the coordinates of the places where each of her kids was born) and told reporters that she and Brad are planning to have even more kids. [NYDN, OK!, previously]
♦ Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky tied the knot on Friday night at Le Cirque with Billy Joel performing in front of guests like Denise Rich, Joan Rivers, Barbara Walters, and Donald Trump. [NYP, Us]
♦ A fire at Geraldo Rivera's home on Friday didn't singe his mustache, but it did damage the two 1954 Jaguars in his garage. [P6]

Sure, presidential elections are right around the corner, the economy is crumbling, the bailout bill is still up in the air, and the local media is obsessively focused on Mike Bloomberg's plans to run for a third term. But nevermind all that: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have arrived in New York! They touched down with their brood early this morning; apparently Angelina is walking the red carpet at the New York Film Festival on Saturday. Thus far the only photos are pretty grainy (as is this video), but you can prepare youself for breathless updates on their whereabouts as soon as they wake up from their nap and step outside. [Access Hollywood]

♦ Harvey Weinstein may be a million bucks poorer today. Or maybe not! After yesterday's email debacle, Harvey says he'll donate $1 million to the Robin Hood Foundation once he can verify that Scott Rudin's email is "authentic," which means he'll probably conduct an "investigation" into the matter until it blows over. [P6]
♦ Janet Jackson has been released from the hospital. But fiancé Jermaine Dupri doesn't seem too concerned. He hasn't missed any of his scheduled party appearances the past few days. [People, R&M]
♦ Britney Spears' lawyers have been working overtime to quash the sex tape she made with Adnan Ghalib. [The Sun]
♦ Salma Hayek was spotted in Paris with her ex Francois-Henri Pinault, which means it's time to start speculating about whether they're getting back together. [Daily Star]

• People snagged those Clay Aiken baby pictures for $500,000 after newly-frugal OK! dropped out of the bidding. [P6]

♦ Britney Spears' former boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, says he has a sex video featuring him and Britney which he's willing to part with for the right price. And you thought you were done buying sex tapes after the Verne Troyer masterpiece this summer. [NYDN, E!]
♦ Heath Ledger's life insurance company is calling his death "suspicious" and says it won't pay out his $10 mil. policy until it interviews everyone involved, including Mary-Kate Olsen. [NYP]
♦ Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie just had twins. But it's Tuesday, which means they're already thinking of adopting another kid. [Daily Mail]
♦ DJ AM and Travis Barker are both out of the hospital. [NYDN, People, P6]
♦ Janet Jackson checked into the hospital in Canada yesterday. [People]

♦ Natalie Portman is single. She's split up with boyfriend Devendra Banhart. Best of luck, guys! [People]
♦ The son of famed architect Richard Meier says his dad is gay and he was forced into a mental hospital and disinherited for saying so. Richard's friends, meanwhile, say he's definitely not gay and he's actually quite the ladies' man. [P6]
♦ Clay Aiken pocketed roughly $500,000 for his coming-out cover story deal with People. [MSNBC]
♦ Sarah Palin might make a cameo on Saturday Night Live. Also, Hugh Hefner would love to give her a spread in Playboy. [OK!, Daily Star]