Which is less appropriate: A brand-newmom performing at the Oscars, from bed, or an image-conscious Olympian trying to lay low in a strip club? Decide for yourself.

• Angelina Jolie was seen apartment hunting in Washington Heights. This comes weeks after Angie and Brad signed the lease on a $100,000-a-month home on Long Island. [Us, NYP]
• Michael Phelps has been hanging out at strip clubs, since it's the only place he can go without having his photo being taken. Good thinking. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan showed up to a party at Southern Hospitality on Sunday so she could hang out with Chace Crawford. But then he ditched her and she spent the rest of the night "glued" to model May Andersen. [OK!, P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker says the next Sex and the City movie will have to be more recession-friendly. You think? [Us]

If the numbers truly don't lie, then neither Brad Pitt nor Angelina Jolie will collect Academy Awards on Sunday. But who needs Oscars when America's auction-scavenging elite are on your side?

• Poor Gwynnie will have to brave V-Day alone, since Chris Martin's on tour and she's not sure what continent he's on. [NYDN]
• Chris Brown left Las Vegas yesterday, where he'd been holed up at the Hard Rock. He also updated his Facebook page, changing his status to single and writing, "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!" [NYP, E!]
• Jesus Luz, Madonna's 22-year-old "special friend," is now into Kabbalah. [P6]
• Joaquin Phoenix is still running around town acting crazy; it's still unclear if he's drugged out of his mind or if it's just a big hoax. [NYDN]

If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have been quietly assembling a knife-wielding, multiracial child army, sources indicate that there are about eight newborns who Jolie would like to sic her young platoon on.

• Madonna is supposedly furious with Alex Rodriguez for returning to his ex-wife Cynthia after the steroid scandal broke a few days ago; we're guessing she won't be too happy with the pics of A-Rod partying with a group of girls in the Bahamas the weekend before, either. [NYDN, NYP]
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. [People, P6]
• Cops will reinterview Rihanna and Chris Brown in the coming days. [NYDN]
• Mort Zuckerman had a nice, long, expensive lunch at the Four Seasons right after slashing benefits at the Daily News. [P6]
• Prince Harry has been ordered to undergo "sensitivity training." [People]

Continuing budget woes required the hosts of the BAFTA Awards to cut their little-known backstage daycare room for this year's ceremony. And as presumed, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's fellow hotel guests suffered the most.

• Paris Hilton hasn't given up on her dream of musical superstardom. At a Grammy after-party on Sunday, she accosted Paul McCartney and asked him if he'd be interested in doing a duet with her. Paul politely explained that he didn't think he'd have the time. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow didn't join Chris Martin at any of the Grammy after-parties, so he found another chick to hang out with instead. [NYDN]
• The Chris Brown-Rihanna situation has taken a turn for the worse. Rihanna's injuries are reportedly "horrific," and include bite marks, facial contusions, and a bloody nose. Brown has hired attorney Mark Geragos to defend him. Both stars have cancelled upcoming appearances. And Brown's Doublemint gum ad has already been pulled. [People, TMZ, NYP]

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and his new girlfriend, Helen May, first met during an Outward Bound trip to Machu Picchu in 2005, according to May's husband, Kevin Ward. "I'm just sorry my wife didn't find someone more substantial. There's way less there than meets the eye." [P6]
• Etta James says she "didn't really mean" the stuff about Beyonce; she's still "miffed" at Obama for not inviting her to the inauguration. [NYDN]
• Kelly Cutrone inked a deal with Bravo for a new reality show. [P6]
• Russell Simmons is reportedly dating model Julie Henderson. [NYDN]

• Tom Cruise tried to impress a group of reporters at a press event in Brazil by speaking Spanish instead of Portuguese. Nice one, Tom. [P6]
• Etta James is no fan of Beyonce. She told a crowd in Seattle that she "can't stand" the singer, and that she "had no business" singing "At Last" at Obama's inauguration two weeks ago. Oh, and she's "gonna get her ass whupped," if she keeps singing Etta's songs, too. [NYDN, OK!]
• Paris Hilton wants to date a "big-money man" in LA, but she isn't having much success finding one who's willing to be seen with her in public. [P6]

Rest assured, America: Lawless hippie dope fiend Michael Phelps will not get a pass from the brave sheriff of Richland County, South Carolina. Nor will A-Rod assert independence from Madonna without consequence.

• Bruce Wasserstein tied the knot with a "much younger Asian woman" two weekends ago, although details about the billionaire's new bride remain scarce. [P6]
• Alex Rodriguez is jealous and embarrassed that Madonna has been spending so much time with 22-year-old model Jesus Luz, since it makes him look like he got "dumped for a younger stud." [NYDN]
• The City's Jay Lyon—who was named Brent Tuhton until he changed it—has scored a record contract with Universal. [P6]
• Could Mark Badgley and James Mischka really be breaking up? Who is going to design our Oscar gown? [NYDN]

• The Max Azria dress that Angelina Jolie wore to the SAG Awards? She wore it backwards. [NYM]
• Marc Jacobs is slashing the guest list for his Feb. 16th show. [WWD]
• Target has a temporary McQueen shop planned for next month. [Racked]
• The backstory on why Fabien Baron was pushed out at Interview. [WWD]
• Jane Mayle's store isn't closing; it will be around through April. [Pipeline]
• Two brands doing well despite the recession: H&M and Mango. [WWD]
• Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat is Smithsonian-bound. [SW]

If you were one of the millions of SAG Awards watchers thinking Angelina Jolie looked a little frumpy-dumpy in her Max Azria gown, that's probably because she had the thing on backwards.

Pictured, part of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's family (the Havana Pee-Wee-League girls' softball team had a championship game in Santa Domingo) as they arrive at Japan's Narita International Airport for a promotional press tour.

Everyone's experimenting with a new crowd: Katie Holmes hangs with the bad boys; Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie try a new neighborhood and Gene Roddenberry's remains enter a whole other orbit.

• Is Jennifer Aniston planning to steal the spotlight away from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the Oscars by showing up to the ceremony with John Mayer and with a ring on her finger? Maybe! [Star]
• Alex Rodriguez either spent last weekend hanging out with Madonna at Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld's East Hampton mansion, or he spent it partying with Bill Clinton and Spike Lee in the Bahamas, depending on what you read. [P6, NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says LiLo can't be anorexic since she "ate two full meals" during a recent photo shoot. It's settled! [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says 800 people have already joined her daughter's Tribeca gym, which hasn't even been finished yet. [NYDN]

[Angelina Jolie and Mickey Rourke greet each other at last night's Screen Actors' Guild awards; image via Getty]

Or, you know, she's back on drugs or cutting or something. Her arms are all scratched up. She's tried to hide it with long sleeves, but people have still noticed.

• Lizzie Grubman gave birth to another son yesterday. Little Jack arrived ahead of schedule, though, which must be wreaking havoc on Lizzie's weekend plans. [P6]
• Larry King lost "more than $1 million" to Bernie Madoff. And some sources say Madoff is now contending with some "serious" health issues. [P6]
• Tom Cruise is undergoing an image makeover so he can win back female fans. This will reportedly prohibit him from wearing sunglasses on the red carpet, getting grabby with Katie Holmes, or lecturing TV hosts on psychiatric medications. [Star]