Sigmund Freud theorized that humans have a death drive, a latent desire for self-destruction. In a media ecosystem rife with celebity death pictures, celebrity death bets, Celebrity Rehab, I'd say we have a culture-wide "death drive," too. The reaction to Whitney Houston's death two weeks ago, reported the day before the Grammys, underscored our obsession with such celebrity tragedies. What would be the Oscars' version of that particular fallout?

But soft! What light through yonder White House window breaks? It is the Oval Office, and Brangelina is meeting with President Obama, New York Times photographer Doug Mills tweets. This rare alignment of stars can only mean one thing: Tense negotiations between the American government and NAFTA, the Notables Adopting Foreign Toddlers Association. For all the babies in the Mariana Islands, Brad Pitt will solve the recession by gazing deeply into its eyes and whispering something sexy.

In the Land of Blood and Honey is being billed as Angelina Jolie's "writing and directorial" debut, but did she actually write it? Or did she adopt the movie's storyline from Bosnian-Croatian journalist/writer James J. Braddock's 2007 novel The Soul Shattering without his permission?

Pippa Middleton steps out with two, yes two, boys at once. J.Lo had a lovely holiday with her new hunk. Jennifer Aniston and her beau nearly ran into Brad Pitt. Justin Bieber's fake babymomma's ex boyfriend is causing drama. Monday's gossip needs relationship advice.

Bob Simon profiled Angelina Jolie on tonight's 60 Minutes. In addition to stating that she once dreamed of being a funeral director, Jolie also shared that—given her past transgressions—she's surprised to still be alive: "People can imagine that I did the most dangerous, and I did the worst, and for many reasons, I shouldn't be here."

Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.

Angelina Jolie is a frail, skeletal wisp of a woman. A beautiful skeletal wisp, but a wisp nonetheless. And now it appears that she is getting wispier, on account of the fact that, well, she just plum "forgets to eat."

Kris Humphries hired a divorce lawyer, so it looks like the Kardashian wedding is finally over! But was it ever "real"? Meanwhile, Angelina and Brad hit up Vietnam. Saturday gossip is letting steak sauce drip down its chin.

Here's a trailer for In the Land of Blood & Honey, a Bosnian War-set drama that marks the writing and directorial debut of world's most famous lips-haver, Angelina Jolie.

Ashton and Demi face divorce and cheating rumors, while their "other woman" prepares for a payday. Jessica Simpson takes 10 pregnancy tests and considers postponing her wedding. Holly Madison insures her boobs for $1 million. Thursday gossip surveys the wreckage.

Finally getting hip to the fact that it is the world's sexual barometer, Google has introduced its own sort of gaydar, which will tell you which celebrities are gay and which are straight. But how reliable is it?

Behold, a play date that will make a thousand social-climbing mommies seethe with envy: Angelina Jolie brought her brood to Gwen Stefani's London home today, for a play date and dinner. Looks like Kingston and Shiloh got into one of their moms' makeup kits?

For the past seven days Fashion Week took over New York, so there were plenty of stars in town who needed their outfits critiqued. Watch the latest episode of Gawkerazzi where we take Beyoncé, Angelina Jolie, Nicki Minaj, Kelly Osbourne, and others to task for what they wore to sit by the runways.

Brad Pitt laments the years he spent sitting around getting high with Jen. Lindsay Lohan throws a drink at a photographer. A tween star dresses his penis up like an elephant. Anna Faris: "I hope somebody roofies me tonight!" TGIFriday gossip.

Lindsay Lohan propositions Chris Brown. Kim Kardashian "wants babies." Timberlake romances Jessica Biel again. Lauren Bush's wedding will feature a rodeo and a saloon. Tuesday gossip gets back on the horse.

The universe's most perfect couple, professional make-believers Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, have put their Malibu dream mansion on the market for an affordable $13.75 million. They're selling the 4,000 square-foot, four-bedroom home presumably because they tend to spend most of their downtime at their 900-acre chateau estate in France. You know how that is. [Real Estalker, photos via PCN and Getty]

Paula Abdul's personal mantra is also her staff's. Adam Sandler is accused of dining and dashing. The cast of The Help likes to skinny dip. Angelina Jolie is "as kinky and insatiable as ever." TGIFriday gossip is titillating.

Reggie Bush texts Kim incessantly, begging her ditch Kris at the altar. George Clooney's female wrestler lover sleeps over. Angelina dodges rioters in London. Ali Lohan is officially more bankable than Lindsay. Wednesday gossip is the one that got away.

Brad is afraid Angie will stab him in his sleep. Kelly Rowland has a double nip slip. Kate Gosselin lures a man with cupcakes, and fails. Jennifer Lopez wears four pairs of Spanx at once. Tuesday gossip draws shallow breaths.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a very awkward birthday with Maria Shriver. Al Pacino's got family trouble. Ashton Kutcher stole Will Smith's trailer, we think. Yes! It's Sunday gossip.