Tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser has never been accused of being honest, or a deep thinker. But her column today squeezes so much anti-gay, xenophobic rhetoric into so little logic that we feel we must comment upon her arguments.

Andrea Peyser warns of "narrow-minded racism that rules a network," one with "a culture not of inclusion and acceptance, but one of fear." We commend her for calling out Fox News...oh, this is supposed to be about NPR? Huh. [NYP]

Tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser, who frequently writes about her dislike for gays, would now like to share her opinion on the Tyler Clementi suicide. Her main point: let's not sully Tyler's memory by lumping him in with some minority.

Intrepid sex journalist Andrea Peyser has uncovered the latest plot by radical Islamic fascists to brainwash good Christian children into bomb vest-wearing terror robots: a Saturday morning cartoon. With Muslims in it! Isn't that illegal, here in the USA?

Andrea Peyser admonishes hooker-teacher Melisa Petro "keep [your] sexy career on the down-low." Pot, kettle.

Confused about why Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg gave $100 million to Newark schools just as an unflattering movie about him was hitting theaters? It's not what you think! Allow tabloid sexpert Andrea Peyser to break it down for you.

Poor St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church, which sat right down by the World Trade Center, was destroyed on 9/11. It still hasn't been rebuilt. You know whose fault that is? That's right: hateful Muslins and their Muslin-loving supporters.

New York Fashion Week is just a boring party for gays—until New York's greatest tabloid sex teacher, Andrea Peyser, shows up! Then, Fashion Week transforms into one big orgy, the quality of which Andrea will opine upon.

When tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser is not being inappropriately sexual about adults, she's worrying about The Children. What's their future? Will they fall victim to gays? Will they tap that? Will they be denied their right to sexxxy time?

Fiendish villains! Lowest of the low! What rogues would dare to kick New York's most respected tabloid sex journalist, Andrea Peyser, out of a golf tournament, simply for a minor breach of security? Tiger Tiger Woods, yall!

Tabloid sex writer and bubbling vat of ill-concealed self-loathing Andrea Peyser refuses to bow to Hollywood's liberal sex standards. Maybe Jennifer Aniston is happy fucking a turkey baster—but for Andrea Peyser, only a live human male will do.

Tabloid hussie-hisser Andrea Peyser usually ends up writing about sex fiends, but that's only because sex fiends are the city's greatest menace. She is always alert for other menaces. Like bicyclists—foreigner bicyclists.

Tabloid sex fiend Andrea Peyser can most accurately be summed up as a ball of ill-concealed sexual repression who constantly lashes out at delusional symbols of impropriety, out of guilt. Sad, really. Today: why are all young girls sluts, 100%?

New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser is doing her very best to win "Most Hysterical Anti-'Ground Zero Mosque' Column of the Day." Did it contain the word "perverted?" Check. "Erect?" Check. "Ball gag?" Check. Andrea, you win!

Wake up, slumbering moviegoers! As you chew your buttery popcorn and enjoy Hollywood's latest "entertainment," The Kids Are All Right, your innocent children are being mentally imprisoned by gays. Sniffing coke and having gay sex, for kids? Andrea Peyser reports!

New York Post columnist Andrea Peyser is an expert in both the sweet arts of sexy time, and the dark arts of informational subterfuge. You should therefore trust Andrea when she tells you: spies do not need to be whores.

New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser is positively smitten with America's heartthrob, Lindsay Lohan. It's so obvious. Andrea's just like a little kid, spewing false insults at her crush object to cover up her undying love.

Andrea Peyser is but a simple tabloid sex columnist. But she knows one thing: well, she doesn't know what she "knows," because that would be an epistemological question (epistemology=bad). But she's against filling kids' minds with trash like "thoughts."

Tabloid sex talker Andrea Peyser has been hearing nothing but "Hottie Banker" this and "tits on a stick" that and "hot female bodies are calling you, Andrea" for weeks now. She's sick of it. Where's the respect for large breasts?

Investigative reporters earlier this week firmly established the desire of today's high school kids to tap that. Could anyone object to this most basic expression of love, jealousy, and horniness? Sexpert Andrea Peyser will try to pretend she does.