Andrea Peyser, an angry tabloid sex columnist in New York City, is an expert on all matters military, thanks purely to her hatred of gays and Muslims. Today, she uses that hard-earned sexxxpertise to pick apart the most recent outrages against Army and Country by Commie crosstown rag "The New York Times."

Where is the dark black heart from which all things filthy and corrupt emanate to pollute the souls of our innocent children? Andrea Peyser has found it:

Whinging tabloid attack kitten Andrea Peyser really hates the gays. And she really hates the Muslims. But sometimes, life presents her with a situation in which she can't hate both at the same time. Who does she hate more?

If there are two things that reactionary tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser enjoys, they are moralizing voyeurism of sexxxy teens, and blanket condemnations of Muslims. Can she combine both in one sexxxy, finger-wagging, drool-flecked column? This is America! (Yes.)

Today we looked further into the case of the sexy lesbian teachers scandal. This story has sparked much conversation. Some love it, some hate it. But only one person both loves and hates it.

Today we once again discussed our favorite New York column babe, Andrea Peyser. Luckily there was a noble commenter who rushed to defend her honor. We lowly knaves were much humbled!

Andrea Peyser is paid to be a raving, xenophobic tabloid sexpert. Who better to turn to for meta-analysis of economic studies? Have you heard bad things about Wal-Mart destroying small businesses? Andrea has a secret source that disagrees!

Sarah Palin is a strong leader—but not strong enough to unilaterally spout off about "blood libel" and get away with it. No! She needs media supporters for that. Thank god for Andrea Peyser, decrying "fascistic censorship." (By the media!)

Republican sex-fantasizer Andrea Peyser needs a stronger man than weepy Johnny Boehner: "Can you imagine Vladmir Putin of Russia, who rides bare-chested in boots aboard a horse through frigid Siberia, tapping wetly into his deepest fears?" Despotic fascism= sexxxy. [NYP]

Andrea Peyser: "Bring back shame." We're trying!

When you think back on 2010, you may reflect on the elections, or the economy, or the sporting contests. When sexxxy complaint journalist Andrea Peyser looks back on the year, she sees, primarily, gruesome death. And whores! Whores! Whores!

Today just feels...weird, right? You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how lesbian lesbian-obsessed tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser is trying to mock Oprah by insinuating that she (Oprah) is lesbian. Is this opposite day in sexxxy land?

Andrea Peyser, a cheap tabloid columnist who's paid to help stoke the regrettable latent xenophobia and racism that underlies our society, is having a great day: she's found a minority who's in favor of racial profiling. This proves everything!

You can count vocal sex addict Andrea Peyser "in" when it comes to warring on behalf of Christmas, and Jesus. Andrea's teaming up with Catholic pedophilia-dismisser Bill Donohue to teach us all the real reason for the season.

Spectac sex hack Andrea Peyser is a certified expert on landing a man, marrying a man, and pleasing a man. And, now, on making a baby. No matter which way you choose to make a baby, Andrea strenuously disapproves.

Tabloid sex-and-xenophobia commentator Andrea Peyser is, as we all know, America's chief booster of the concept of love. So it pains her to announce that Prince William and his slutty hussy bride-to-be are headed for The Big D (divorce).

Sextacular New York Post relationship consultant Andrea Peyser knows a thing or two about what men want, and she's about to hit you with some sexxxy wisdom, ladies. Rule One: don't be such a slut. She's talking to you, Maddie.

Tabloid sex cheerleader Andrea Peyser has had it with college kids these days who are not constantly fucking each other. Columbia nerds: start boning everyone everywhere at once, or be scolded in your city's semi-literate local newspaper.

From child sex to lesbian sex to sexxxy sex, tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser is America's most trusted hot-blooded sexocrat. So when Andrea Peyser declares Republicans to be "hot," you all better rush out and fuck Republicans, to death.

As you were type-type-typing a love sext to your beloved this morning, you likely wondered: "What does tabloid sexophobe Andrea Peyser think about this new sex-enabling communication technology?" Spoiler: Andrea prefers to talk about sex and dog poop in person.