Sigh. See, like we said, the problem was that Coop didn't actually write the 40YOV blog post; correspondent Randi Kaye did. Which meant we were looking for jokes that didn't presume our Anderson was the one teaching readers how to become revirginized.

Yes, we saw it, too:

If you're still shopping for a V-Day gift for your favorite newshound — or, hey, if you're looking to buy us a little something — we've found the perfect piece of jewelry: The Anderson Cooper pendant. Priced to move at just $20, this custom-made bauble is, like the man itself, stylish, compassionate, and rightfully indignant (if not, in this case, topped with silver). Plus, we're pretty sure giving it will get you laid.

• Thanks to her lost diary, we all get a glimpse into the frighteningly intellectual world of Lindsay Lohan.
• A Times sports reporter gets unacceptably frisky with a Rangers cheerleader; coincidentally, Times reporter Jason Diamos just happened to be covering the Rangers that night.
• Time Inc. brings the bloodshed, forthcoming layoffs can be considerably less painful thanks to union rules.
• Fake Writer James Frey adds a relatively un-fake author's note to existing and forthcoming editions of A Million Little Pieces.
• Let Fashion Week begin! Just don't feed the models, obviously.
• It was a week of sad farewells: Wendy Wasserstein, Coretta Scott King, and CNN film critic Paul Clinton.
• The New York Sun an innovative new circulation plan, whether you like it or not.
• Go ahead, call Nicky Hilton. She'll be happy to hear from you.
• Wonkette gets itself two new cocks and Gawker Media launches tech geek gossip rag Valleywag.
• Ryan Seacrest is no more or less Gay than last week.
• Anderson Cooper, however, is a little more Gay when he wears his gimp mask.
• Thought Alessandra Stanley's correction rate couldn't get any worse? Think again. And again. And again, if you can bear.

• Human-animal hybrids
• Gas-electric hybrids
• Aniston vs. Jolie
• NYC skyline photos
• Brokeback Mountain
• Cocaine
• Arctic Monkeys
• James Frey: does he use any product on those curls?
• Cats (the pets)
• MacBook Pro
• Cats (the musical)
• Anderson Cooper

• Ooooh, Anderson Cooper is hiring a Production Assistant. Can you handle it when those icy blue eyes demand a latte? Are you ready to make the appointments for his silver mane to be trimmed at Robert Kree? [BrassRing]
• We'll take our drugs however we can get them, but using an innocent puppy as a mule is absolutely unacceptable. So much so, in fact, that it makes us consider climbing on the wagon. [TSG]
• It's not rape if you're too sleepy to say no. [Overheard in NY]
• Blogger Stephanie Klein, who has a lucrative deal with Reagan Books to write about her "sexy" single life, is pregnant. And engaged. Which means Judith Reagan is going to claw her fucking eyes out for ruining the marketing angle. [Greek Tragedy] Our condolences, really.
• You know what would've made Fake Writer James Frey a little less fake? Jesus. [CBN]
• Why are celebrity children allowed to access the internet? We're looking at you, Bobbi Kristina Brown! [Gilded Moose]
• The Village Voice announces its Pazz and Jop awards. [VV]
• Today in sporty brother site Deadspin's Superbowl coverage, we learn that publicists are total assholes who cling to any semblance of exclusivity — even in Detroit. [Deadspin]

The CNN.com homepage at 9:31 p.m. last night, in the middle of the State of the Union:

OK, so we admit it: We sometimes fantasize about our beloved Anderson Cooper, the sexily sanctimonious silver fox of CNN. (Shut up. You do, too.) Recently we've found ourselves taking those fantasies in a leather-daddy direction, and, dagnabit, we realized some visual aids would come in handy. What we'd really love is, say, a video clip of A-Coop dressed in leather and brandishing a whip, perhaps lording it over a short, nebbishy man. O, Internet, can you use your magical powers to deliver this to us?

As you likely expected, James Frey vs. Oprah post-game analysis dominated most of last night's news, with our darling Anderson Cooper devoting an entire hour to the matter with his dapper guest, Smoking Gun editor William Bastone. Much of the time was spent replaying Oprah footage, especially the part where a shocked Oprah and her studio audience are visibly hurt to learn that Frey fabricated details about his love, Lilly, and her suicide.

Why wait till May? Or even till 10 o'clock tonight? The Coop guested for Regis on Live this morning, and an eagle-eyed viewer (watching from a market where the show comes on at 10 a.m.) sent this report:

Now we definitely know what we'll be doing on May 21. Pack your bags, folks, and book your Metro-North tickets early, because it's all aboard to New Haven that day. Word came last night that Anderson Cooper will be the Class Day speaker at dear old Yale.

• As a semi-anonymous blogger, there are plenty of ways to "out" yourself. Doing so by letting the Post profile you as a Dinner Whore — a single woman who casually goes on expensive dinner dates with anyone who can pay for a gourmet meal — is not, perhaps, the best option. We liked you better when we didn't know who you were and what you were up to. [NYP]
• While we've had some miserable professional duties in our time (latte-fetching and call-rolling come to mind), none compare to that of an intern asked to walk a wintery 25 blocks to deliver a box of knishes to Lizzie Grubman's family on the night of her prison release. [VV]
• Has the Daily News caught our libidinous affliction for Anderson Cooper? In a piece on newsmen with gray hair, they call the "trend" the Anderson Effect. Christ, even we'd just call gray hair "old." [NYDN]
• So does this mean that nasty anonymous commenters can be prosecuted for blog-harassment? [Rational Rants]
• As soon as celebrities start flaunting their 8-balls, maybe fairy dust will become as socially acceptable as leafy greens. [CityRag]
• Speaking of blow, if you were a dealer selling to Lohan, would you write about it on a message board? Actually, we bet you would. [Crewcial]
• Why it's better to be Gay. [Genre]
• Related: Sony launches a Gay record label. So, uh, Liza reissues? Madonna mixes? Terrible techno for your methed up night at the Pines party? [Reuters]

• Hurrah: Mag ad revenues were nicely up in 2005. [Folio:]
• Boo: Mag ad pages barely rose in 2005. [Ad Age]
• Kurt Andersen is the godfather of snark, says Jon Friedman. And we fear for the day — and that day may never come — when Kurt calls upon us to do a service for him. [MW]
• Robin Williams made an ass of himself at Jann Wenner's big birthday bash. [WWD]
• TW COO Jeff Bewkes agrees with his boss, that the company shouldn't be split up, rather than with Carl Icahn, who thinks otherwise and is harassing his boss. Shocking news, that. [MW]

(Thanks to Towleroad, who was actually watching 360° last night.)

• On Fake Writer Day, it's not just about the fake writers. Blogger Claire Zulkey, who has interviewed both JT Leroy and James Frey for her blog, crumbles to the floor and realizes her blogging ethics have suffered at the hands of these evil, literary minstrels. [Zulkey]
• We've no idea what sort of club would call itself V.I.P. room and then use Tara Reid as its spokeswhore, but her malformed side-boob defeats any notions of the venue's V or I. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio are 88% compatible. You have a 6% chance, however, of giving a shit. [Jossip]
• Star Jones would appreciate it if you didn't post on her blogs in all caps. It gives hubby Al a headache, you know. [Just Jared]
• We've no complaints regarding the calculated pimping of Anderson Cooper, other than that we'd like to see more jackets in the ads. Why not a bomber jacket? Perhaps a khaki trench? The puffy coat, while warm, just isn't flattering. [B&C] • As for this morning's Blind Item Guessing Game, you all were more silent than a scared altar boy. We're not sure how to punish you for playing poorly, but it'll likely involve force-feeding you complex carbohydrates.

Patrick Phillips of IWantMedia today checks in with the man he picked as 2005's Media Person of the Year, our beloved Anderson Cooper. They talk about the future of TV news, about A.C.'s anchoring style, about Details magazine, and about — natch — premature grayness. Allow us, if we may, to highlight just a few favorite Coop quotes from the exchange:

A reader reports that yesterday's 3:30 US Airways flight to Pittsburgh was a media circus, with weather conditions forcing reporters to then drive to the West Virginia mine where 13 miners have been trapped for over 24 hours. Included in the pilgrimage was, of course, Our Lady in Northface, Anderson Cooper.

We don't know how old this vintage poster for sale on eBay is, we don't know what kind of shape it's in, and we don't know if it's worth any real money. Most important, though, we also had no idea that Anderson Cooper has been doing ad campaigns for French cologne.

Life mag has always been famous for its great photography — back in the old days, by legends like Alfred Eistenstaedt and Margaret Bourke-White and Cornell Capa. So it's nice to see that in its latest incarnation — as a thin, flailing, weekly newspaper insert — Life continues that tradition of groundbreaking images. Like this week, for example, when it splashes on its cover perhaps the only unattractive picture we've ever seen of anchorhunk Anderson Cooper. He looks so sad, so wrinkled, so haggard, so in need of moisturizing. Oh, cheer up, little Andy. You'll be back in dapper Details photo spreads in no time.

• Bid on the charity auction to win a tour of CNN and VIP tickets to Anderson Cooper's show. It's your big chance to show your dream man just how charitable of a stalker you are. [Charity Buzz]
• Cathy Rigby retires from Peter Pan, leaving only one sure bet as her replacement: Clay Aiken in the tights he was always born to wear. [Manolo the Shoeblogger]
• Why were we all completely unaware that Glamour had entered film production? [OAN]
• Just like the city itself, the New York Public Library's "I Heart NY" snowglobe is dirty as hell. [Consumerist]