america

Max Rivlin-Nadler · 11/10/13 01:38PM

Classic news story: Man shoots friend, brings friend to hospital, denies he shot friend, later admits he shot friend.

Americans Done With U.S. Democracy, But What Will They Choose Instead?

Ken Layne · 10/22/13 12:47PM

Having learned what happens when giant babies are elected to govern the United States, Americans are very disgusted with their government. They like the Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security and Obamacare and Prescription Drug Benefits, but they don't like democracy, which is a pretty weird way to run a country.

America's Greatest Hero Shoves Old Man Over Ranch Dip Charge

Cord Jefferson · 10/16/13 03:10PM

A contemporary American tale of woe: A Seattle Jack in the Box customer flew into a rage on Monday after being told that his third tub of ranch dressing would cost him a quarter. Not his first, nor his second, but his third. Naturally, he lost it.

Max Rivlin-Nadler · 10/05/13 10:18AM

After 42 years in solitary confinement for a crime he was found guilty of based on "sparse evidence," Herman Wallace died a free man yesterday, just three days after he was released from prison. He had lived most of his life in a room the size of a parking space. He was 71.

Tom Scocca · 09/19/13 01:03PM

Here, from the Energy and Commerce Committee of the United States House of Representatives, is a roundup of generic reaction gifs presented for the sake of convincing you and your fellow citizens that the proposed Keystone XL oil pipeline is sound public policy.

Labor Day Is a Scam To Keep You Poor and Miserable Forever

Ken Layne · 08/30/13 02:09PM

Labor Day is a complete rip-off. Labor isn't celebrated at all—instead, a single day's break from labor is celebrated. You might think this is a stupid thing to care about, because Labor Day is really just about getting drunk in your yard, again. But that's actually evidence of this very successful con job pulled on you, the American worker (or unemployed person, or discouraged worker, or "grad student"). You probably don't even believe in Labor Day.

Gabrielle Bluestone · 07/06/13 11:00AM

MURRICA! An escaped convicted rapist thought he could just sidle into an Ohio convenience store and order an iced tea, but he didn't count on American flag t-shirt guy recognizing him and TAKING HIM DOWN, all caught on video.

Max Rivlin-Nadler · 07/04/13 10:11AM

The Statue of Liberty has reopened to the public for the first time since Superstorm Sandy. It had only been open for a few days last October after a year of renovations when Liberty Island was pummeled by the storm, leading to another shutdown of the statue.

Have We Peaked? Introducing The Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe

Max Rivlin-Nadler · 06/09/13 01:45PM

Take a long, deep breath and look out on the bountiful expanse, for we are at the top of this roller-coaster ride we call America. Our apex comes in the form of the Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe, and though our swift decline will accompany a deep rumble in our bowels, we should have no regrets. This is what we were always meant for.