• Ashley Dupre might be leaving the beaches of New Jersey for the beaches of California to star in a new reality show. Just what the show will consist of isn't clear (or what network is going to pick it up), but there's a possibility it could be a dating show a la Tila Tequila. [E!]

For the first time in our country's history, the epicenter of America's commemorative period of fireworks and independence appears to have shifted to Miami. There, we've learned, the intercoital clusterfuck of Madonna, Alex Rodriguez, Lenny Kravitz and Guy Ritchie has reached its nadir with a Rodriguez divorce now officially on the way — freeing the Yankees slugger to (allegedly) pursue whatever pop paramour his heart desires. Except Madonna and Ritchie are still in matrimonial business — literally — and apparently will be for a while.

Alex Rodriguez's beleaguered wife Cynthia is quickly on her way to becoming the Yankee star's ex-wife: She filed for divorce in Miami this morning. (The divorce docs are here.) Cynthia's trip to the courthouse caps off a busy weekend for the former couple. Cynthia returned from Paris (where she was staying with Lenny Kravitz!) and got down to business, hiring a team of high-priced divorce attorneys; for her part, Madonna issued a statement denying that she and Alex Rodriguez have ever been romantically involved and said she has no plans to divorce her own husband, Guy Ritchie. Madonna's denial came after the news had surfaced over the weekend that the pop star had inducted the Dominican-born star into the cult of Kabbalah, which immediately escalated into a series of bizarre reports: Madonna supposedly used Kabbalah to brainwash A-Rod into believing they're soulmates, and A-Rod's former trainer said that the slugger only listens to Madonna's music while he drives and goes "into a trance" if her videos come on at the gym.

· Corey Haim spent an entire segment of The Two Coreys surfing the Defamer comment section and walked away emotionally damaged. But darker days are looming ahead.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to the Chosen Twins! No wait, it was just another false alarm.
· McLovin and some starlets, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes some little McLovins in a baby carriage! But wait, watch out for that lightning storm!
· Madonna's frosty marriage to Guy Ritchie came thisclose to breaking down this week when reports surfaced that she's been fielding grounders from New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. And Lenny Kravitz has something to do with it.
· Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. But don't fret! There's a Friends movie on the way (maybe).
· We wished the happiest of happy birthdays to Lindsay Lohan and Tom Cruise.
· We busted out our long lost graphing calculator and got all scientific on your asses by examining the comedic rise and fall of Mike Myers.
· Nude Nicole Kidman vs. the fully clothed Katie Holmes proved to be an uneven fight.
· Fanboys from sea to shining sea creamed their collective jeans when Megan Fox dumped Brian Austin Green. Brett Ratner called dibs and already has some erotic literature ready for their first date.
· Denise Richards carefully explained to her 13-year-old nephew exactly what a threesome is.
· At long last, anal lubricant got the recognition it so justly deserves.

If you've looked at the Internet at all this past week, you've probably gleaned that there's something going on with Madonna, Guy Ritchie, A-Rod and, most recently, Lenny Kravitz. A lot has happened in a very short time and, quite possibly, many of you haven't been able to keep up. But don't feel ashamed, that's what we're here for! Just read our handy dandy guide to the action after the jump and you'll have plenty to talk about at your 4th of July BBQ.

Kirsten Dunst and a friend walking through the Village after having lunch at Sant Ambroeus ... Alex Rodriguez getting in an SUV outside his Trump Park Avenue building ... Taylor Momsen and Penn Badgley taking a break from filming Gossip Girl ... Kelly Ripa leaving the gym, coffee cup in hand ... Jay-Z arriving at a dinner party in London ... A very pregnant Minnie Driver taking her dog for a walk in LA ... Rocco Ritchie, son of Madonna and Guy, wearing a Yankees jersey.

• This story is getting messier by the minute: It seems Alex Rodriguez's wife Cynthia has been in Paris where she's been hooking up with Lenny Kravitz while her husband may or may not be involved with Madonna. The only one not getting any, it seems, is Guy Ritchie. [NYP]

Supposedly, the Yankee player's wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, is in Paris with Lenny Kravitz right now. Fun fact? Kravitz and rumored A-Rod lover Madonna used to hook up, as well. Another fun fact? Kravitz has been practicing celibacy for the last three years. Confused by all these facts? Check out our handy chart.

• Reps for Madonna and Alex Rodriguez claim the two are "just friends." They just happen to be the kind of friends who have secret rendezvouses at their apartments until midnight. The day after having a baby. [NYP]

The Post is calling foul on Madonna's denials of a relationship with Alex Rodriguez. They say A-Rod paid a visit to Madge's Central Park West apartment the night after his wife gave birth in April, but maybe he was just going to study some Torah. Turns out the Yankee has been visiting Kabbalah centers in Florida, and may be interested in learning more about Madonna's shekinah. The Post notes that Madonna has "trained" with a lot of athletes, including Jose Canseco and Dennis Rodman. We'd also point out that Dominican Rodriguez fits in a lot more with the physical trends of Madge's dating past than pasty Guy Ritchie does. Madonna's spokeswoman assures us, "There are no plans for Madonna and Guy to divorce." Of course not. [Post]

We can't wait for tomorrow's New York Post, so here's the tabloid treatment of Madonna's possible affair with baseball player Alex Rodriguez. Photoshop by Jim Cooke (left) and Steven Dressler (below). The headline's from Deadspin's A.J. Daulerio, unless he stole it from someone else. Here are some other suggestions from Daily Intel and Best Week Ever. Can you trump them? Try-in the comments.

Having put the Obamas on one of last month's covers in despair at the absence of celebrity gossip, Us Weekly finally has a genuine celebrity scoop. In a new issue on newsstands tomorrow, the magazine reports that New York Yankee baseball player Alex Rodriguez has been making late-night visits to Madonna's apartment on Central Park West. (OK! has much the same basic story but highlights the two supposed lovers' gym trysts.) The singer, 49, is said to have consulted a lawyer about divorce from her husband of seven years, film director Guy Ritchie; Alex Rodriguez, known to sports fans as A-Rod, would have been eight years old when Madonna released her first hit, Lucky Star.

• Is Madonna have a secret romance with Alex Rodriguez? The two have been spending late nights together at her apartment and they've been spotted working out together, too. Rodriguez's wife Cynthia can't be pleased by any of this. [Us]

Third baseman for the Bronx Bombers and the recipient of the biggest contract in sports history, A-Rod is alternately loved and hated by Yankees fans.

Nice work, Daily News! A lesser paper would have gone with something like "staff issues."

The New York Sun's Lenore Skenazy brings her a-game (sorry) to the Alex Rodriguez "busty blonde" story today, making the shocking observation that:

Just two days after his teammate Cory Lidle's plane hit a Manhattan high-rise, New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez had a plane scare of his own when his Gulfstream Jet overshot the runway, and TMZ has the video of the clearly shaken Rodriguez. No one was hurt, however, as A-Rod can't hit anything in October.