New Year's Eve is so deadly, just walking can kill you. [NYT]

When making beverage selections for the remaining holiday parties, actual holidays, and the oncoming New Year's Eve benders, one should employ discretion, lest you end up with a terrible hangover and a sauce gut. Not afraid to be servicey:

Straight from last night's local news outta Chattanooga, Tennessee: an inebriated little boy steals Christmas from all of his neighbors! Scrooge-in-the-making or future alcoholic? You decide.

Watch this anteater drink wine straight from the cup.

Follow these instructions to get the most bang for your buck the next time you're at the bar.

Meet the "Prestwich Crew," touted on YouTube as "Record-breaking Cockail Geniuses". Tricks featured here: the "Six-setting Throw" and the old "Seven-flaming-Saumbuccas-in-8-seconds" trick. Are we to believe this staff has nothing better to do with their time?

File Under: Ideas Bad for Humanity. An industrious writer embarked on a mission to recreate the now-banned Hipster Holy Water known as Sparks. Reactions? "God, that's so fucking gross," and "This is the best day of my life." Success! [SFWeekly]

Today in brilliant ideas—a guy gets drunk and tries to tightrope across a swingset. He falls off, that's a given. What happens after he eats it may surprise you.

Charlene Lugar, the wife of staid Indiana Sen. Dick Lugar, was charged with DWI in McLean, Va., last night after driving into a parked car. Now we know who does all the partying (or vodka-in-the-coffee-thermos drinking) in the Lugar family.

Scientists must be huge drunks and very healthy, since every other week they produce a study that shows alcohol is an all-curing wonder drink. Here is another one, conducted by Spanish researchers in between taking swigs from their wine flasks.

Bad enough the lady is drinking and driving with only one hand because she's holding a (hallucinated?) dragon in the other hand. Also, her eyes are closed. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

Everybody loves a good party trick. At a bash with brews but no opener? Impress every girl in the room by saving the day with this clever "how-to."

Are you both spendthrift and resourceful? Here's how to turn that bottle of Dubra in your freezer into something drinkable.

"Drunkest Guy Ever Goes for More Beer." Assuming this is real, was he doing Pilates down there, at some point? Impressive.

Sorry, drunks: WHO has launched an all out, no holds barred war on alcohol.

Whoa: The British Medical Association is urging a complete ban on alcohol advertising and sponsorships in England, home to many drunks. But the media needs that money! Who's more disingenuous here—ad agencies, media companies, or doctors? It's close!

All Westport resident Michael Rodrigues wanted to do was buy tax-free liquor in New Hampshire, as countless thousands do every day. But just because he's a Massachusetts state legislator who approved a tax hike on booze, he's in trouble!

How many of you are "binge drinkers," meaning you had five drinks in a night once last month? (All you drunks raise your hands). Now, how many of you drove after getting wasted? (Pause). Liars! Science knows.

Are you a sad football-watching drunk who wants nothing more than to guzzle cheap American beer and pass out in front of the flickering televised sporting contest, momentarily forgetting your copious problems? No, you're the future of beer marketing!

Yes, everyone drinks more in a recession, but they drink the cheapest, vilest swill they can find. The New York Times reports while wine sales are up, the industry is hurting because high-end wines are in a tailspin.