An infant was saved from potentially life-threatening injury when a supernaturally alert airport security guard made an incredible last-second dive to save him from a nasty fall.
One week ago, Shemane Nugent was arrested at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport after TSA agents found a .38-caliber handgun in her carry-on bag. Her lawyer justified his client's lapsed judgment as an “honest mistake” to the Dallas Morning News, explaining that the 51-year-old, who has a concealed-carry license, woke up early for her flight and “completely forgot or never knew the weapon was in her bag.” The firearm was loaded.
On Monday, a man traveling from southern China to Beijing with his pet hamburger was stopped by airport security because, whoops, his hamburger was actually a live turtle that he was praying everyone would mistake for a hamburger.
Two women in Miami face zero charges after transporting two fetuses into the U.S. from Cuba in their suitcases on January 30th. So I guess it's a cool new thing to do?
The security camera video of Kentucky Senator Rand Paul's encounter with Nashville airport TSA agents is here, complete with wacky libertarian captions, so now you can make your own determination about how full of shit he was when he told his communications manager he was being detained by the TSA. Our verdict: still totally full of shit.
Kentucky Senator Rand Paul (of the Paul Libertarian Blimp Empire) hates the TSA. It's his "signature issue" — his contentious questioning about the agency's aggressive security policies got him a lot of positive press among internet conservatives and libertarians last year. So must have been really excited, just, positively tumescent when TSA agents asked to pat him down this morning, and he refused. "Just got a call from @senrandpaul. He's currently being detained by TSA in Nashville," his communications director Moira Bagley Tweeted shortly after. The only thing is, though, Rand Paul was never actually "detained" by the TSA.
TSA baggage screeners: not all bad! Sure, it was really creepy when one found Jill Filiopvic's vibrator and left a note saying "get your freak on girl." But wasn't he (or she) just encouraging Filipovic to take care of herself? And listen to this testimonial from rapper Freddie Gibbs, who was cautioned against overindulgence by a baggage screener at the Denver International Airport:
As a patriotic American, I understand that it's necessary for our safety to frisk any and all brown people who attempt to travel on airplanes. Even so, I think we can probably assume that it was unnecessary to frisk the former President of India. Twice.
Playboy Playmate Shanna McLaughlin—also known as "Miss July 2010" and the winner of PlayboyTV's Shoot Out reality show—was arrested at Orlando's airport today after TSA found a loaded .45 Colt revolver in a duffel bag that she intended to bring on airplane.
Taking disabled people's toys, exposing women's breasts, making women remove their prosthetic breasts: seems TSA agents never stop figuring out new ways to be sadistic. Now comes word that some agents made a wheelchair-bound, 95-year-old woman with final-stage leukemia take off her adult diaper for pat-down purposes.
Sitting in an airplane on a tarmac in Detroit, lifelong Brooklynite Robert Sayegh turned to his seatmate and said, "What's taking so fucking long to close the overheard compartments?" Shortly thereafter, the pilot turned the airplane around. Police removed Sayegh from the plane for being "disruptive."
Shortly after the election, incoming House Speaker John Boehner burnished his common-man cred by pledging to fly commercial, instead of using the private military plane afforded him. Nice. But he'll still be able to bypass the TSA's molestation routine.
Silver lining to TSA's new crotch-groping policy: voyeurs have so much to look at! Check out this splashy photo display, showing a latex-gloved TSA agent squatting (on his knees?) with his arm submerged between another man's legs.
What could go wrong with a Pakistani military delegation flying from D.C. to Tampa for a meeting with the U.S. Central Command? How about getting kicked off a flight after being mistaken for terrorists by a scared passenger?
