A cross-country flight isn't always pleasant, what with delays, turbulence, and seat-kicking to contend with. But the trip is, at the very least, shorter than 19 hours.

After banning children from First Class cabins last year, Malaysia Airlines has now banned humans under the age of 12 from its upstairs Economy class cabins, as well.

Here's a video of two penguins — Pete and Penny — chilling in first class on a flight from Atlanta to New York, where they were guests at the premiere of Discovery Channel's documentary Frozen Planet. I'm thinking there are two joke possibilities here: something about "flightless birds" and something about how of course penguins would be in first class; they're always wearing tuxedos. Mostly, though, I think all planes should have penguins. [via Yahoo]

A flight in Texas was sent back to the gate about an hour ago after a flight attendant snapped and started "ranting over the PA system about the plane crashing," according to the Dallas Observer. The plane is still scheduled to take off. Didn't anyone see Final Destination?

In an effort to answer the question, "what could possibly make the act of traveling by plane worse without violating the Geneva Conventions," KLM is rolling out a new feature next year that will allow you to choose your seatmate. Through Facebook!

Paying for a first class ticket earns you a lot of privileges that you won't get in coach. Free booze! Comfortable seats! Plenty of room! But there are still some rules that apply in both sections. Like, for example, the prohibition on checking out child porn on your laptop.

As a patriotic American, I understand that it's necessary for our safety to frisk any and all brown people who attempt to travel on airplanes. Even so, I think we can probably assume that it was unnecessary to frisk the former President of India. Twice.

With the new series Pan Am on TV, everyone is thinking about what air travel was like back when it was sophisticated. You know, the good old days when people dressed up to travel and airports were wonderful monuments of design. There are even pictures of this lost era!

In China, becoming a flight attendant is serious business. The positions are considered prestigious and thousands compete for coveted spots despite poor treatment, low pay, and grueling conditions, according to the Global Times.

It's a TSA metal detector party, and your ugly footwear will soon be invited. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano tells Politico's Mike Allen that air travelers will soon be permitted to keep their shoes on during security checks:

Gérard Depardieu was on an airplane with 100 other people and had to pee, but the flight attendant said he couldn't go until after takeoff. So the legendary French actor took matters into his own hands: He whipped out his dick and peed in the aisle. No, seriously:

Last week was a rough one for United Airlines, between its Ground Zero ad controversy and an accidental reinstating of the 9/11 flight numbers. So the last thing it really needed was a sticky P.R. nightmare involving a passenger taking the old slogan "come fly the friendly skies" to disgustingly literal extremes.

Can people stop freaking out on airplanes? Yet another passenger tried to open the cabin door mid-flight on Tuesday night, the fourth weird plane incident this week. (Fifth, if you count the Australian plane that got hit by lightning.)

Memphis Imams Masudur Rahman and Mohamed Zaghloul had boarded a flight Friday morning when they were told the pilot wouldn't fly with them aboard. They were going to Charlotte—to attend a conference intended to "address prejudice against Muslims."

Hank Krakowski, the FAA's top air traffic control official, resigned today after a fifth air traffic controller was caught sleeping on the job in just the past four months.

A United Airlines pilot's coffee accident forced the emergency landing of a Boeing 777 when communications and navigation systems malfunctioned. Luckily all 241 passengers were fine, though it took them an extra day to get to Europe.

On tonight's Late Show, Brian Williams stopped by to chat with David Letterman about his holiday vacation. What did we learn? Williams' junk was felt up—multiple times!—by the TSA. Also: Williams never ceases to be hilarious. Watch inside.

Passengers at Moscow's Sheremetyevo Airport have been stranded for days thanks to an ice storm. So they did what any reasonable person trapped in an airport for days would do: They "attacked several employees." [RIA Novosti]

Leonardo DiCaprio was one of 193 drunken, terrified passengers stuck circling JFK after a Moscow-bound flight blew an engine during takeoff. He signed autographs after the emergency landing. Luckily for him, the passengers weren't all Titanic fans.

More Americans think 9/11 was an inside job than oppose naked X-ray screenings at airports. But the ones who oppose the X-rays happen to have access to your televisions and computers, so America is freaking out about the TSA.