We can't say we ever found those Mac vs. PC ads particularly amusing, but truly, why make the Mac person such a total annoying dweeb? Apparently everyone else felt the same way, since Radar reports (in an exclusive!) that Mac has quietly canned Justin Long, the skinny hoodie-wearing "hipster" who was supposed to represent the Mac, with the much more endearing John Hodgman repping the PC. Long's rep seemed a bit defensive about the firing:
To push its new author-narrated crime show Murder by the Book, Court TV is installing narrow-band "audiobeam" sound projectors in bookstores that focus whispery monologues at individual customers. " "Hey you, over here. Don't turn around. Can you hear me? Do you ever think about murder, committing the ultimate crime?" intones the voice to you, and you alone, or anyone else who walks into the beam. Just in case you scream "Yes! Oh yes!" and attack your fellow book-browsers with joyful homicidal abandon, nearby posters warn that the "mystery whisperer" (gag) is all part of this innocuous effort at "experiential marketing" (double gag). Supposedly, the devices have been installed in Time Warner Center, so enjoy that on your lunch break for this rainy day. The technology involved comes mainly from military use, so it has no chance of accidentally boiling your brains out or anything.
First, before you get your panties/manties in a bunch, this rant is not about Kenneth Cole the human being, or even Kenneth Cole the businessman. It's about Kenneth Cole the copywriter. Because Cole is THE worst advertising copywriter in the history of the world, hands and feet down.
This LifeStyles condom ad has been around the YouTube block, but it has a particular New York real-estate resonance — once you get past the unfeasibly gigantic apartment, of course. Requires audio to appreciate, but especially free of visual context, it's probably NSFW.
From a marketing sheet for Village Voice gossipist Michael Musto's new book. Nothing but love for the Musto, but "original voice of snark"? Chronology aside, who would even want that title? Reminds us of when Camille Paglia revealed that she invented blogs. And if you're pegging your book push to name-checking Gawker, you may already be in trouble. Ourselves cheerfully excepted of course!
Wow, this guru of internet advertising is pretty impressive, in a 'that Russian character in Everything Is Illuminated'way. A millionaire at 31! Imagine that! He clearly has a lot of wisdom to share. But maybe someone might want to consult with him about his logo design. Guess you don't even have to buy his audiobook to get his "secrets on a silver plate."
Millionaire fag offers advice [via Adrants]
No misguided sociological commentary this week. Just a trilogy of true terror tales from deep inside conference room tombs. Conference rooms filled with the scary stupidity that is advertising.
Fashionista-forward photographer David LaChapelle conceived and executed the commercial above for the UK's Boots druggist chain. Therein, various glamorous (sorry, "glamourous") model types express far too much enthusiasm for Boots's cheap-ass cosmetics while engaging in holiday-related domestic tasks. We could do without the majority of the clip, in favor of more turkey-stuffing and bathtub brussels sprouts.
Monday's NYT Media section brings news of two recent events in the industry: First, David Carr tackles those John Mellencamp "This is our country" car commercials that ran approximately five times for each Tiger pitching error during the World Series. You may have heard about it elsewhere on the Internet, but it's worth reading for Carr's chiding ("you can wave the flag or you can drape one over a coffin. You can't do both.") and his masterful display of what's obviously a deep familiarity with Mellencamp's back catalog. Also, Richard Siklos covers the recent roast of deposed Viacom head Tom Freston, noting the "small clutch of writers who specialize in the genre of media-mogul laughs," of whom Mark Katz, the "reigning king," is cited. Katz was also cited last week by both Radar and B&C, but this story mentions his "[initial reticence] about being interviewed because he does not want to appear to be diminishing the comedic chops of his clients." Guy won't give it up for Jeff Bercovici, but will happily talk to the Times: this is why we still need print media.
Back in early summer, the managing director of Cristal champagne expressed his disdain for his brand's iconic status amongst hip-hop stars. This prompted rapster Jay-Z to boycott Cristal in his lyrics, clubs, and bloodstream. Unfortunately, this left a gaping void in the alcoholic blingosphere, which Jay-Z has attempted to fill in his most recent video — he rejects a bottle of Cristal in favor of Armand de Brignac, a heretofore unheard-of niche brand of luxury champagne. Most news outlets dutifully passed on the press release, noting how Armand de Brignac has been produced for "centuries" and is only now being imported stateside after enjoying success in France. Charming story; too bad it's all bullshit.
In a front-page piece in Sunday's Arts section titled "The Starbucks (cough) Aesthetic",
New York Times writer Susan Dominus swallowed gobs of Frappuccino foam in the process of fellating SBUX to an impressive length and girth of over 2300 words. I'm not here to debate the taste of their government contractor-priced coffee (sucks). But, when the word "aesthetic" (aka "brand" aka "bullshit") is printed about the offerings of a chain of 12,500 cookie-cutter coffee shops without even a cinnamon sprinkle of irony, my off day has become a work day. Who the fuck do they think they're kidding? Oh, that's right. Millions of you lemmings proudly plod around with what CEO Howard Schultz calls the Starbucks "halo." Jesus.
Europeans seem to be cultivating an emerging talent for oddly surreal AIDS awareness campaigns (see the tarantula and scorpion from last year). A new German series runs with the motto of "It's easy to lose your head when you're horny," in the sense of not using prophylactics in the heat of passion. Hence you have a disturbing gallery of headless copulation, complete with video version as well. The only thing that would make this better is a morning-after shot of the couples reattaching their heads and suddenly experiencing all their attendant regrets.
Yep, it's another one of those scared-smokeless anti-tobacco ads, and like most people, we suspect the shocked crowd reactions are all commercial extras. That said, a singing cowboy crooning through his tracheotomy voicebox while making "camp" in a New York street is a nice little tableau. Maybe this is what the Naked Cowboy needs to spice up his act.
The endlessly parodied and nevertheless nifty Sony ad from last year that featured thousands of superballs bouncing down a San Francisco hill gets yet another go-round with the above clip. This bouncefest takes place in London's Portobello Road and is sadly and obviously a mere animation. The twist — it's for the "Sphere" sex toy by luxury eroticist Myla. A ripoff it may be, but the image of a horde of cootchie-balls tumbling blissfully through a public space makes it all worthwhile. Perhaps they'll do a follow-up tribute to the new, more phallic Sony ad.
A Swede by the name of Jonathan Lundqvist returned from Iran last month with a bundle of National Geographics, Economists, and Wallpapers purchased from a newsstand near Tehran University. Though these and other Western mags are permitted, they're heavily censored — moreover, they're manually censored, by government readers who go through each copy and cover forbidden ladyparts with white stickers or black ink. Interestingly, news stories that show women with bare arms, knees, or cleavage generally just get a blocky white sticker, while fashion ads (like Uma Thurman above) get ink jobs that keep the clothes unobscured. Some ink gets more artfully applied than others; Uma almost looks like she's wearing a black top of some kind. After the jump, less fortunate girls just get slapped with chastity-protecting boob blobs. Lundqvist noted that the newsstand stocked several mag issues that were quite old (these photos are from Wallpaper, September 2005); one wonders what the turnaround is on hand-censoring. (The newsstand owner was also shocked that Lundqvist declined to purchase some un-censored fashion mags from "under the counter.")
