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First, before you get your panties/manties in a bunch, this rant is not about Kenneth Cole the human being, or even Kenneth Cole the businessman. It's about Kenneth Cole the copywriter. Because Cole is THE worst advertising copywriter in the history of the world, hands and feet down.

Cole not only writes his own ads, he signs them to let us know what an idiotic punster he is. I'm trying to imagine the conference room (probably lined with perfectly hung, black-framed Cole ads) where Cole's foot soldiers gather around the word-cobbler and his latest mock-up, pumping their heads vigorously in yes-man agreement.

"GOD DRESS AMERICA."

That was the line on a billboard Cole placed soon after 9/11/01. His rep responded to criticism in Adweek by saying Cole felt it was time for "humor."

Ow. Kenny. My. Sides.

A second post-9/11 print ad read:

"On Sept. 12th, families returned to the dining room table.
TODAY IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL."

The visual was a hot women dressed in a hot little Cole dress laying on her dining room table eating strawberries.

Post Katrina, Cole unveiled this gem of a billboard:

"Hurricanes aren't ending. And bird flu is now coming.
BUT WEAR?"

One more billboard: "The ports are secure. But there are other things DUBAI."

There are scores more, just as bad. It's like he's a space alien experimenting with its new, shaky interpretation of Earth English. I really can't think of another reason that would explain why he continually writes such malarkey.

Kenny, I wrote you one to go with today's Congressional elections:

"Exercise your right and left to vote."
 It's yours for 10 grand.

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Cole loses yet another battle in the War on Words. The torturous use of language is evocative of Abu Ghraib.

94 years ago, liar H.K. McCann launched his NYC ad agency with the slogan "Truth Well Told." That was a Big Fat Lie. Advertising copywriter copyranter brings you instances of Ad Lies and the Lying Liars who sell them.