The waves of Malibu apparently weren't too kind to hunky actor Matthew McConaughey over the weekend. The Fool's Gold star seemed rather honest about his lackluster surfing performance in the famed Pacific Ocean. McConaughey said, "I could say that I wasn't feeling the vibes because I wasn't feeling the ocean breeze bouncing off my pectorals, or I could say that I saw a dolphin and I got a bit scared that it was going to go after my driving paw. That wasn't it though. I was just no good out there. That, and there were too many people." McConaughey seemed frustrated by the amount of people hogging all the of the waves and wished that the politicians would fix the global warming problem soon. McConaughey added, "It should be cold in September. Or, at least chilly, you know?"

The automatic doors of LAX refused to open for comedic actor Will Ferrell on Friday morning. The doors were making a stand against Ferrell's recent string of feature films. The intercom voice said, "The automatic doors are for people who don't make the same movie over and over again." Ferrell attempted to go through, but the doors would not budge. Ferrell cited the film Stranger Than Fiction as a stretch of his acting diversity. The intercom voice chimed back, "We tried to record that on the DVR, but there was a recording error." Ferrell asked the doors what they wanted him to do. The intercom voice told it would be in Ferrell's best interest if he takes a summer or two off and let the American public learn to love him again. Ferrell agreed to the deal and quickly made his way through the door.

Bucking the latest Hollywood fad, hunky indie film star Mark Ruffalo carried his own luggage after he landed in Toronto. The Brothers Bloom star is in town for the annual film festival and felt that carrying his own luggage was the normal thing to do. Ruffalo said, "It's my stuff. It's my wife's stuff. So, why make some driver carry it? It wasn't his decision to pack fourteen different outfits. It was my stylist's decision. Actually, come to think of it, she should be the one carrying all this stuff."

At the premiere of The Women, all of the men in attendance were lured away from their dates by the sweet siren song of Cloris Leachman. Leachman, who's slated to compete in the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars, swept stars like Warren Beatty and Will Smith off their feet with her erotic tales of old Hollywood. Smith said, "Cloris has to be the ultimate cougar. If I wasn't with Jada, I'd make a serious play at her. Although, Warren might give me a run for my money." When asked about her newfound status as the ultimate cougar, Leachman said, "I would say that I still got it, but the fact of the matter is that I never lost it."

A mysterious man wearing a gray blazer offered 90210 star Shannen Doherty a friendly shove outside of the Ed Sullivan theater on Thursday night. This caused Doherty to experience a temporary flashback to her childhood, when her shyness prevented her from adequately conversing with her father's golf buddies. After hiding behind the gray blazered chap for a couple of minutes, the mystery man encouraged Shannen to talk to the people gathered outside instead of bolting directly to her Town Car. "Come on and smile for the nice people," he said. "You're kind of back. Let's not screw it up, okay? And show the nice people that nice dance you learned, too."

As shooting on 30 Rock dragged into the wee hours of the morning, popular actress Jennifer Aniston offered free neck rubs and body massages to day players and crew members to boost morale. Aniston said, "I finally got a chance to put those six months at massage school to good use. It's just so nice to give back." Aniston's makeshift massage tent generated a huge line, despiteher strict anti-happy ending policy. Aniston added, "That's kind of gross. Maybe if the individual was my lover, but a lighting guy, not so much. Love what they do, but not that much."

The 'stache-tastic Robert Downey Jr — along with Japan's very own Iron Man, Hal —went off on a few barrels before the premiere of Iron Man. According to Downey Jr, the barrels were asking for it and got what they deserved. Downey said, "Those barrels were mouthing off. Saying some nasty things about my performance in The Shaggy Dog and now they're going to pay." After having such a blast demolishing the barrels, Downey and Hal agreed to team up on a live action version of Donkey Kong, possibly to be helmed by Wong Kar-Wai.

Never one to look dowdy or frumpy, Armageddon star Liv Tyler went down to the corner market last night to pick up some milk for her cereal. While checking out at the market, the girl behind the register asked if Tyler was going to the nearby high school's homecoming dance or a movie premiere or if she was going to meet Prince Charming. Tyler said, "Nope. Just picking up some milk. Also, Prince Charming doesn't exist. Just Prince Good Enough."

Everybody's' favorite Brenda 2.0, AKA Shenae Grimes, remained all smiles while filming on the set of the hit CW series yesterday. When asked about why she appears to be so happy, Grimes replied, "The show is a hit! I get to work with Gangy! I'm up for the role of Bristol Palin in a Lifetime movie! Why not smile? Everything is coming up Shenae these days!"

A group of photographers broke up tween superstar Miley Cyrus and Dancing With The Stars contestant Cody Linley's night at the drive in movies on Tuesday. Apparently, the windows of Linley's automobile were getting too foggy preventing the capture of special or magic moment between the Hannah Montana stars. Another photographer asked if he could hop into the back seat of the car because he really wanted to watch Disaster Movie. The twosome shrugged their shoulders and allowed the man to join them in back under one condition: he gets the deluxe nachos combo and a large cherry Icee with two red vines to act as straws.

While the Labor Day holiday traditionally spells the end of summertime, Christina Ricci believes otherwise. Ricci, along with her Speed Racer co-star/boyfriend Kick Gurry, took full advantage of the empty beaches of Malibu on Tuesday afternoon. In between tanning sessions and delightful romps through the surf, Ricci said, "It's the perfect time for a beach trip. No kids. No teens. No tourists. I'd be so depressed if I had to spend my day trapped in an office with weather like this. It's amazing!."

Despite crafting an elaborate plan involving a system of rope lines, helicopters and intensive flash photography, Suri Cruise was unable to make a clean getaway from parent Katie Holmes in New York on Tuesday night. Suri admitted that she failed to account for one thing: her mother's sunglasses. Cruise said, "I always forget about her sunglasses. I thought maybe for once she would be a normal person and not wear them since you know, it's night. Nope, mommy wanted to pretend she was a rock star yet again." Cruise place a share of the blame on the actors she hired for the failed attempt on Tuesday night. Cruise added, "You get what you pay for when you use Craigslist. I was paying in pizza rolls and I got a bunch of dudes from New Jersey." Cruise still remains optimistic and plans on making another getaway in the near future, perhaps during a snowstorm.

Katherine Heigl's alleged heart of steel began to soften up after playing with a pit bull puppy on Tuesday night. After playing with the dog for a few moments, Heigl felt that she might not be able to handle all the cuteness. Heigl said, "He's just sooooo cute," before descending into five minutes of pure gibberish and baby talk. After ten minutes of playtime, the puppy's owner was anxious to get back home, but Heigl showed no signs of letting go.

Entourage star Jeremy Piven bucked the established order of the fashion world by sporting a pair of white pants after Labor Day in New York City on Tuesday. When asked why he dared to commit a fashion crime this heinous, Piven claimed that his pants weren't white, they were actually vanilla. Piven said, "They're vanilla bean colored — that's what my glam squad told me. Check the catalog."

Popular actress Lindsay Lohan managed to talk her constant companion, Samantha Ronson, out of an ice cream truck related existential crisis on Labor Day. Ronson bemoaned the fact that the Ice Cream Man did not have a photo of her favorite treat, a Bomb Pop, on his van. Lohan told Ronson to just ask the guy if he has any bomb pops. Ronson replied back, "If there isn't a sticker, then he doesn't have it. That's the code of the Ice Cream Man. A simple — but honest — code." Lohan thought that was the dumbest thing she had ever heard and walked over to the Ice Cream Man while Sam sulked, kicking the concrete below her Chuck Taylors.

A medical professional must have been on hand at the Chateau Marmont to keep popular silver screen star Kirsten Dunst from busting a gut. The Spider Man star was laughing uncontrollably at the antics of Mac pitchman and ex-flame of Drew Barrymore, Justin Long. Dunst was thoroughly impressed by Long's comedic culinary consumption antics, even going as far as to say that Long is way funnier than "that Charlie Chaplin dude." Long reveled in the attention, even going as far as to moonwalk a piece of chicken into his mouth.

Righteous Kill star Al Pacino spent a majority of his Labor Day weekend camping out to be the first line for the annual Malibu chili cook off. Attending the cook off has become an essential part of Pacino's transition from the summer to the fall. Pacino said, "I spend all day basking in the cool breeze off the Pacific Ocean while enjoying some of the finest chili Malibu has to offer. Did you know that James Brolin makes a terrific chili? He does. Talk about your 'hooo-aaaah' moments. Must be the cumin."

Production began last night on a pilot that a group of plucky producers hope will become the next big reality craze, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars. Combining elements from Bravo's Top Chef and Dancing With The Stars, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars is about discovering the celebrity with the greatest California Roll rolling ability. So far, the producers have only convinced two people to join the cast — veteran reality stalwarts Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry. When asked about his involvement with the pilot, Knight said, "Well, we saw a camera setting up down the street from our house and we were like, "We haven't been on TV in weeks and these lavalier mics are just collecting dust. Turns out the producers were looking for some top notch talent and kaboom! We're creating some TV magic. After this, we'll definitely be able to get a table at Nobu."

Nobody rocks an afterparty like dependable character actor Sam Rockwell rocks an afterparty. Along with his Choke director Clark Gregg, the Galaxy Quest star didn't even wait for the club's DJ to arrive before getting the post-screening dance party started. In between showing off some hot dance moves, Rockwell said, "People don't dance enough these days. It's fun. Oh no, the DJ in my head is just laying down the phattest beats right now." Gregg chimed in with a chant of "Rock Lobster!" as the two sauntered onto an empty dance floor. After a few moments and a few more classic jams from Rockwell's mental DJ, the dance floor remained empty. Rockwell said, "Nobody likes to show up to a party on time. Come back in ten minutes or so and it'll be packed."

Swashbuckling super star Orlando Bloom boldly announced to New York City that he's the proud owner of a motorcycle on Thursday afternoon. Bloom spent over five minutes reviving up the motor's engine while waiting for girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, to come downstairs. Once the Victoria's Secret model finally arrived, Bloom helped his sweetie put on her helmet. Kerr asked Bloom about his brand new chopper, but she was quickly corrected. Bloom said, "It's not a chopper, baby. It's an urban motorcycle. Hey, do I look like a tough guy yet?" Kerr shook her head "No" and added that he should incorporate more leather and denim into his outfit.