Bear Stearns analyst Bob Peck laid waste to stock portfolios everywhere on Tuesday with ComScore metrics that said Google users clicked on only as many paid links in January 2008 as they clicked on in January 2007. On the news, Google's share price dropped 8 percent. ComScore's Magid Abraham and James Lamberti are sorry. To say so, they wrote a 1,152-word post. Here's a Friday-friendly version:

Blogoscoped's Phillip Lessen found a month of spare time — or however long it took to pull together 1,940 words — and wrote a post to explain "Why Google buys companies." If you're building anything that has a shot at getting scooped up by Google, you won't have time to read it. So here's a version for you:

Little-read blogger Bernard Lunn writes 978 words exploring the ramifications of Etsy, a website which sells handmade goods and recently raised $27 million. It's a deep, dense piece, contemplating Etsy as part of a "much broader economic shift" that heralds "the rise of mass customization." But it doesn't answer the question posed in the headline: Is Etsy the next eBay? Let us explore this lofty concept:

Here are VC blogger and self-described "professional board member" Fred Wilson's "Thoughts On Choosing Board Members." But take his advice with a shaker of Morton's, founders. VC-selected board members will put you on the street.

"Free!", the upcoming book from Chris Anderson, explores the exciting new business concept of freebies. Okay, Wired's editor-in-chief isn't pretending he discovered loss leaders, ad-subsidized media and such; he's just the first to sell a book about it (coming this summer, though of course there will be a Free! version). For Anderson, the book means a Free! feature article in Wired, released today. It's 4,703 words! Here's the 100-word version, in Anderson's own (edited) words.

Microsoft exec Kevin Johnson wrote an email to his team today and later put a copy online. At 1,800 words, you'll never get through it in what's left of Friday. Here's the 100-word version:

Mojo Supreme President Ashkan Karbasfrooshan took pity on the rest of us yesterday and explained "Why Most VC-Backed, Ad-Supported Companies Are Doomed to Fail." "Because they are not Ashkan," is the 5-word version, but here's another 100, if you want more glorious detail. (Note to readers: Most startups fail because most startups fail. Nine out of ten VC-backed companies end ingloriously, industry lore has it; Sand Hill Road makes its money on the big hits.)

A MarketWatch reporter pens a faux-advice letter from sailing-obsessed takeover king Larry Ellison to Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. It's far too long to read the whole thing, so I'll do the work for you. Here's the 100-word version:

James Fallows's epic 4,221-word article on the Great Firewall of China in The Atlantic breaks with geek convention. When writing about China's technological efforts to block undesirable Web content, we're supposed to conclude that censorship is damage, and the Internet will route around it. (Wired did so last October.) Fallows instead concludes that all the Chinese authorities have to do is make finding unlawful content on the Internet slightly annoying. The masses of people with more interesting things to do than configure proxy servers will comply. But what we really like is how The Atlantic pitched this story to us: Fallows's work isn't a provocative thinkpiece on the nature of censorship in the age of the Internet, it's service journalism! Who cares about the Chinese people — you just want to know if the Internet will work when you travel to Beijing for the Olympics. Forthwith, the PR person's suggested questions, and answers extracted from Fallows piece:

Stanford law prof Larry Lessig announced two things yesterday in a 10-minute video that ran about 9-1/2 minutes too long. One is that he'll decide whether or not to run for Congress by March 1. The other is a plan called Change Congress. It comes down to three bullet points.

TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington takes 711 words to explain why there's no better place than Silicon Valley to work yourself to death on a startup. Here's a readable version of his manifesto:

Apple CEO Steve Jobs fathered a daughter, Lisa Brennan-Jobs, who has grown up into the very image of her famous father. Biographies of Jobs have recounted how he initially refused to acknowledge her, but later invited her to live with him as a teenager. In a first-person article in February's Vogue, Brennan-Jobs addresses her personal history — as far as we know, for the first time. Here's the 100-word version:

Former Yahoo VP Bradley Horowitz left the company for Google Tuesday. Yesterday, he posted a 1,200-word explanation. Here's the readable version.

Kinky but reliable io9 editor Annalee Newitz, in her latest column for the communists at the San Francisco Bay Guardian, confesses her contempt for Facebook. Our dark media overlords at Gawker force us to use Zuckerberg's creation to stay in touch, so I feel her pain. I whacked Annalee's 723-word fumefest down to the naughty bits.

SF Weekly writer Mary Spicuzza attempted to track down Griot, a Wikipedia editor with a record of baiting other users into getting banned. She chronicled her meandering, unsuccessful saga in 4,275 paralyzing words. Snipping out a lot of needless narrative and ruminations about anonymity and accountability online, we arrive at an elegant 100-word account of the hunt for a Wikipedia user.

Jerry Yang, normally a shy type, has suffered a bout of logorrhea, spewing forth "confidential" memos which are promptly leaked filed with the SEC. Those who work at Yahoo are surely too busy saving the company to read ALL the boss's excess verbiage. For those busy souls, here are the highlights of Yang's oeuvre, with a special bonus — capitalization.

What is online video worth in the age of YouTube? $1,200, according to the Writers' Guild of America. That's the amount the group of television and movie writers agreed to accept for work streamed over the Internet. An odd amount, and like all fixed pay for the hit-and-miss, easily measured world of the Web, almost always the wrong one. Also easily measured: The relentless slide of television audiences. Here are the key dozen words from the Guild's 643-word letter to members:

Wired is 15 years old. Fimoculous blogger Rex Sorgatz celebrated the milestone with a retrospective look at the magazine's first issue. He calls it a summary, but who ever heard of a 1,600-word summary? Too long. Here's the 100-word version of Wired 1.1.

It's puzzling why big companies like Microsoft hire expensive investment bankers to advise them on deals, when clever journalists like BusinessWeek's Arik Hesseldahl are willing to tell them what to do — for free! Of course, Hesseldahl takes three pages to get to the point on what Microsoft should do with Yahoo. Why do bankers get paid so much? Because they don't waste a busy CEO's time. Here's a readable version of Hesseldahl's memo.

Google has posted — on Super Bowl Sunday, no less — its "only statement for the time being" regarding Microsoft's bid for Yahoo. At 291 words, it's far too long to read as you prepare to watch my UNDEFEATED NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS crush Sam Gustin's New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII. Here's the 100-word version.