Philip Kaplan's FuckedCompany, the site that chronicled Silicon Valley's downfall at the turn of the millennium, is mercifully back in spirit as FuckedGoogle. But Saul Hansell doesn't think the site will find material during the latest economic downturn. In a Bits blog post discussing the prospects of a contraction in the advertising market, he writes: "I'm going to say something that makes me cringe: it really is different this time." Below, the post is cut down from Hansell's 650 words, so you can get back to selling ads all the faster.

Wired spent 13 columns of fine print detailing the birth of Amazon Web Services, Jeff Bezos's scheme to rent out his online store's Web infrastructure to startups. The magazine stayed carefully on message; if you attended Bezos's talk at last Saturday's Startup School, you'll find the story extremely familiar. "You don't generate your own electricity," Bezos asks, rhetorically. "Why generate your own computing?" This is the same line Bezos has been peddling for years. Aside from the rehashed quotes, Wired did squeeze a few numbers out of a reluctant Bezos. The facts about Amazon Web Services, stripped of the hype, amount to roughly 100 words:

Blogger Louis Gray spends another 1,185 words on the subject, but the headline says it all — and describes him, too. [Louisgray.com]

Crack videoblogger Robert Scoble heads to Mahalo to interview bulldog entrepreneur and blog blowhard Jason Calacanis. Scoble rolls 24 interminable minutes of virtual tape as Calacanis talks about the math of buying monitors and comfy chairs and how the backend of Mahalo works. Forget that. We trimmed the video down to the most important bits: bulldogs and Glengarry Glen Ross-inspired steak knives.

Microsoft is asking News Corp. to help it buy Yahoo. Yahoo wants AOL and Google to help it remain independent. Meanwhile, writes VC blogger Fred Wilson, websites and services acquired by these companies like Flickr, AIM, Del.icio.us, Yahoo Groups, and FeedBurner continue to languish. Which is why Wilson thinks venture capitalists need a new path to liquidity besides flipping startups to a big company (too easy) and going public (too hard). He'd like to see a private-equity marketplace, where entrepreneurs can cash out without selling out. His 1,104-word argument cut down to size, below:

Jon Friedman's media columns for MarketWatch rarely leave me short on words. But the worst thing I can say about his latest one, which hails Valleywag as a new media creation which he says has surpassed its New York "cousin" Gawker, is that it goes on far too long. 726 words of logorrhea on a gossip rag? Even on a slow news day, that's too much to bother reading. Forthwith, a 100-word version of "How Valleywag trumps Gawker — and enlivens Silicon Valley":

As easy on editors as mindless lists are in print, they're even better online. Time.com has perfected the art with its "first annual blog index," cashing in the magazine's tastemaking reputation on a crassly effective pageview-generating effort. We're mostly jealous we didn't do it first. Fark.com's Drew Curtis sums it up: "That's the point — pick shit people don't agree with, generate controversy, SPREAD THE FUCKING THING OVER 50 PAGES WITH NO INDEX, profit." We suspect if Fark actually showed up on the list — nah, Curtis would still tell 'em they were hosers. Here, we'll make it easy for both you and Drew. Rather than clicking "next" two dozen times on Time's page, just read our one-page version below. That seems easier.

Are we in a bubble? Far too late to be asking that question, says Chris Nolan, a former Valley newspaper gossip who now runs a startup, Spot-On. She weighs in on the current market crisis and its effects on the tech business. Her thesis: New regulations will on investment banks will bring an end to the tech-stock bubbles on which Valley VCs have feasted. (I asked if this meant she was back in the tech-gossip game; Nolan's column served as one of this website's inspirations. "I'm writing about business and politics," she demurred.) Nolan compares sketchy mortgages approved by banks to the wafer-thin startups taken public by stockbrokers a decade ago. A brief version of her 887-word argument, followed by my take on where Nolan goes wrong:

Gizmodo's gearheads got their grabby hands on hot new WiMax-ready gadgets at this week's supersized Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association trade convention in Vegas. WiMax is a sort of turbo Wi-Fi that promises cable modem speeds through thin air. But what will Nokia's N810 connect to? Washington Post financial reporter Yuki Noguchi observed a big black hole on the stage at which the WiMax Singularity had been expected to appear today. It was like Steve Jobs walking on stage at Macworld, reaching into his pocket, and not pulling out an iPhone. I've 100-worded her report.

Jordan Golson, Valleywag's resident hypercapitalist, is distressed that he's not going to learn the terms of his pageview-based bonus — which, mind you, he'll likely earn on top of his $2,500-a-month base pay — until three days into the second quarter. The ginger whinger made me proud with a headline so sensational that it offended even my boss. But he disappointed me by wasting readers' time, taking a self-indulgent 542 words to get his point across. After the jump, a readable version of Golson's overwrought, underreported screed:

In "Zen and the Delicate Art of Video on Search Pages," Bits blogger Saul Hansell breaks down the differences between how Google and Yahoo are putting video ads on their pages. But doesn't Hansell know we'd all reach enlightenement faster if his post were 600 words shorter? Sit tight, 学生, and we'll show you the way.

In what amounts to a public job application to Motorola CEO Greg Brown, Numair Faraz, former assistant to Razr creator Geoffrey Frost, slams the company and former CEO Ed Zander for astounding ineptitude. Catch the full story over at Gizmodo or see our 100-word version below.

The April issue of Wired has a lengthy piece on gadget blogs. Most of the focus is on Gizmodo (disclosure: Valleywag is owned by Gawker Media, parent company to Gizmodo) and the rise of the gadget blogs in influence and reach. It's worth a read, but if you're too busy frantically reloading Engadget and Gizmodo to read the whole thing, we've tagged the high points below.

Yesterday, ESPN kicked third-party ad networks off its site. Good move, writes Mahalo CEO and Weblogs Inc. founder Jason Calacanis on his blog in 430 words. Here's a version for your ad sales guy to read after lunch while waiting for Salesforce.com pages to load.

Vacations are for Middle America. But for some reason, VC blogger Fred Wilson's family still expects him to take them away from time to time. Here's how he copes, in a version you can read while packing your suitcase.

Michael Arrington spends 1,517 words talking about blogs taking venture funding and his grand scheme to form a big, A-List blog network to take on CNET. Most of you are too busy raising money for your blogs to read all that. Here's our 100-word version — and a suggested name for the blog network he wants to launch.

"You're pretending that there's one standard, but since nobody has a way to test against the standard, it's not a real standard." — Software pundit Joel Spolsky on the impossibility of conforming to Web standards. If you're a Web developer, Spolsky's 4,738-word treatise, with illustrations, is worth reading on your employer's time.

Mallory Simon works for "the most trusted name in news." But she's working hard to make CNN also the most trusted name in news feeds. Simon gives CNN.com readers every detail of when and how Eliot Spitzer's call girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupré, changed her MySpace and Facebook profiles last week. But at 1,000-plus words, Simon overstays her welcome. Instead of paying writers by the word, why don't we pay them to leave? The 100-word version, below.

Jason Calacanis started a company, Weblogs Inc., and sold it to AOL for $25 million. And he has some ideas on how to build a successful startup. But Mark Cuban started a company, Broadcast.com, and sold it to Yahoo for $5.7 billion. So you'd probably rather read Cuban's "Rules for Startups" post — though not all 707 words of it. Here's a version you have time for:

Who's going to read 476 words about Meghan Asha, Michael Arrington's ex? Screw that. Here's my six-word version of the interminable email: "Arrington ... is such an unattractive offering."