Republican Party Thanks Failed Candidates for a Job Miserably Done

After years of railing against “everyone-gets-a-trophy culture,” Republicans were finally ready to hand out a few ribbons on Wednesday, congratulating the thousand or so candidates who managed to lose the Party of Lincoln to the Diaper Fire of Trump.

“Thank you to the entire Republican field for a hard fought race,” wrote the GOP’s official Twitter account, referring to the primary contest that had adults running for president trading barbs about pants-wetting, penis size and whose dad killed JFK. “The Party is better for your efforts.”

Thank you to the entire Republican field for a hard fought race. The Party is better for your efforts.

— GOP (@GOP) May 4, 2016

Because, of course, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you played the game (shamelessly and in vain).