They say that you become a real New Yorker on the day that you tell this Buzzfeed listicle to go fuck itself.

Officials block parts of the scene of a knife attack on a subway platform in Taipei, Taiwan, on Wednesday after a drunken university student wielding a knife attacked riders, killing three people and injuring nearly two dozen others. Image via AP.

Did you know that using solitary confinement in juvenile incarceration facilities is a terrible idea because it can cause permanent psychological damage? Even if not, good news: today, Ohio and the federal Department of Justice agreed that the state would no longer put kids "in seclusion," as the euphemism goes.

Meanwhile, as everybody continues to piss and moan over the free-speech rights of overpaid commencement speakers, Republican lawmakers in one state are trying to pass a law that would jail anyone who discusses the industrial chemicals used in fracking.

A THC-based "syzurp" is reportedly now for sale in California. In other words, if you're keeping score: One real recreational drug, legalized for sale as a medical product, is now being used to make a fake bootleg version of a different medical drug that's widely used for recreational purposes.

Every cliché about Canada came to pass Monday when a northern Ontario man rescued a newborn moose calf, still damp and unsteady on its legs, and took it directly to a Tim Hortons.

Now that the nation's attention is finally focused on the Department of Veterans Affairs' most recent struggles with administrative corruption and incompetence, a worker with inside knowledge of some of the VA's problems has reached out to Gawker.

America's Charles and Camilla, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, are expected to marry this Saturday in Florence, Italy where, two years ago, their daughter North was conceived as they performed unspeakable acts upon each other in the shadow of van der Weyden's "Lamentation of Christ." A spokesperson for the mayor's office told the Associated Press the couple paid $410,000 to rent out a 16th century fortification called the Forte di Belvedere. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, an insider revealed to Us Weekly that the wedding will be "like a princess fairytale day."

Right this minute, McDonald's workers and their supporters are getting arrested outside of McDonald's annual shareholder meeting. McDonald's has "cleared and closed its corporate headquarters" for the day in response to protests. Today is a great day to try a new restaurant, America.

In a letter to Congress, President Obama announced today that the U.S. has deployed 80 soldiers to Chad to help search for the missing missing Nigerian schoolgirls.

We know you don't blaze up. But you've got this friend who does, and he seriously wonders whether that endangers his chances to code and hack for the top federal law enforcement bureau. You know what? Tell your friend the boss cop says it's cool.

Clayton Lockett's botched execution in April may have left a sour aftertaste about the increasingly shady business of executing criminals in America, but it's not clear that it has changed any part of the process. Today, in the case of Russell Bucklew, the Supreme Court is taking another look at the messy circumstances of capital punishment.

An Egyptian man holds his daughter on Tuesday as they celebrate Moulid outside the Sayyeda Zeinab shrine, in Cairo, Egypt. Every year, Egyptians celebrate Moulid, the birthday of the Prophet Mohammed's granddaughter, Zeinab. Image via Khalil Hamra/AP.

There is perhaps no greater testament to the perseverance and determination of the human spirit than the high school talent show, especially one held in a gymnasium.

Pharrell is an incredible and legendary producer and songwriter who leans on one tic frequently, as this mix from the blog Discopop makes clear. Presenting the "Pharrell Williams Guide to Repetitive Song Intros."

A week after a 17-year-old girl made international news with her account of being kicked out of her homeschool prom because some dads at the event thought her outfit could arouse "impure thoughts," a chaperone for the dance has come forward to claim there's more to the story.

In an "opinion" column mostly devoid of opinions, Maureen Dowd seems to express some wistful hope for a future internet that forgets and buries all references to our past mistakes and transgressions. That's Maureen Dowd, admitted plagiarist.

According to police, two Brooklyn elementary school students, ages 9 and 12, were charged with reckless endangerment and assault after being accused of putting rat poison in their teacher's water bottle.

Filming on Star Wars Episode VII started in Abu Dhabi just five days ago, and director J.J. Abrams has already posted footage from the desert set. Abrams is notorious for going to great lengths to shut down leaks—he literally built a wall to prevent spying on the Star Trek 2 set—but he'll make an exception for charity.

Geez, learn to throw a baseball like a real Murkan, amirite?