New York's arrest-free search policies are well known. Less well known is the Florida city that's used quotas to stop and frisk 11-year-old boys and centenarian retirees—56,922 people in all, half the population. A new investigation finds how deep Miami Gardens' excesses really go.

On Thursday, Page Six published a tour de force Domesday book of outrageous Kimye wedding minutiae that, while not exactly in keeping with the party line regarding Kardashian-West nuptial coverage, makes up for it by being a black diamond custom-cut marble trove of previously unreported fantastical details. From its tragic revelation of the fate of an army of broken, headless nude statues, to its breezy dismissal of a pitifully dehydrated Andrea Bocelli, it reads like fan fiction written in tears at the Versace mansion while mainlining liquid gold.

H. Jon Benjamin, who you may know as Sterling Archer, Bob from Bob's Burgers, or the owner of a van, isn't exactly famous in the voice acting world for his steely, emotionless intonation. And that's what's so good about this scene from Kubrick's 2001, dubbed over with Benjamin as HAL.

Transgender actress and activist Laverne Cox, who was notoriously left off this year's Time 100 list, is featured on the cover of the June 9 issue. "This is for my trans siblings out there," she said, "and for anyone who has ever been told that who you know yourself to be at your core is not legitimate."

Lena Dunham, the Brooklyn-based film director and television star, posted this picture to her Instagram last night. It apparently shows a bleeding wound on her rear end, caused by a bite from her dog, Lamby. Dunham seems to believe this is cute ("#therewillbeblood" she hashtagged it).

This is Latabe the Elephant, who the other day accidentally took what must be history's first ever elephant selfie. What a world.

"Liberia is doomed" due to poor economic policy, said Liberia's finance minister this week. Uh... thanks for your service, but we've decided to go in a different direction with the "Finance Minister" position.

In a discussion with Tony Perkins, president of the hate group Family Research Council, FRC senior fellow (aka well-paid intern?) Ken Blackwell blamed gays and the acceptance of them for Elliot Rodger's mass shooting. Hey, why not?

Pharrell is America's darling, but even as his ageless face melts our hearts there is still the pesky problem of "Blurred Lines," the controversial mega-smash he co-wrote with Robin Thicke that has been called, in a word, "rapey." Yesterday he was asked about the song's lyrics on the UK's Channel 4 News, and his defense wasn't exactly convincing.

CrossFit®, the name-brand fitness craze that you shouldn't participate in for several reasons, is still growing in popularity, with more WODs killed every day. And while CrossFit will get you in shape (if it doesn't give you a crippling case of rhabdomyolysis), it might not make you look like the badass you've always wanted to be. Case in point: These people.

Collin Dewberry and Kelly Williams were picking up the check after eating at Big Earl's Restaurant in Pittsburg, Texas when their waitress told them: "We don't serve fags here." She went on to clarify: "Here at Big Earl's we like for men to act like men and for ladies to act like ladies, so we want you to never return." Turns out that's the restaurant's official bigoted policy.

Supporters of Afghan presidential candidate Abdullah Abdullah cheer during a campaign rally in Jaghuri district in Ghazni province, Afghanistan, on Thursday. The second round of the presidential election will take place on June 14. Image via Massoud Hossaini/AP.

On Thursday, Peter and Chin Rodger, the parents of University of California, Santa Barbara gunman Elliot Rodger, released their first statement since Friday's shooting, describing the situation as "hell on earth."

Singer/songwriter/lamb herder/wearer of the dress above Mariah Carey reportedly caused chaos earlier this week when she showed up four hours late to the taping of Tuesday's World Music Awards in Monaco. At least, that's according to the UK's Mirror:

Today, The Atlantic identifies the most intriguing new food trend of 2014: "miracle fruit," the magic little berry that makes sour things taste sweet. How come nobody's mentioned this before?

Paul Weyrich tried to found the political religious right in the '70s around porn, school prayer, the ERA, and abortion. "I was trying to get these people interested in those issues and I utterly failed," he said. Then he found something that worked: Fighting for racial segregation.

In the wake of an exuberant Today appearance, Kate Gosselin plus eight Gosselins are careening back to television next month, for a two-hour TLC special that answers the question: what would Game of Thrones look like if you preserved the exhausting parade of complex, acrimonious power struggles, but made two-thirds of the participants 10-year-olds? Also, what if it were set against the backdrop of the scenic Keystone state?

A masked man with a sword messed with the wrong 89-year-old shopkeeper when he tried to rob a Washington state convenience store Sunday morning.

Molly Schuyler, from Bellevue, Neb., is 5-foot-7 and weighs 135 pounds. This week, she ate two 72-ounce steak dinners in fewer than 15 minutes at the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, Texas. She enjoys eating.

Like something straight from every acrophobic's nightmare, one of the glass enclosures off the 103rd floor of the Willis (nee Sears) Tower in Chicago shattered yesterday while a family was standing on it.