It's not an easy time for gigantic Wall Street banks. Not easy, I tell you! In the challenging post-recession business environment, thousands of Wall Street layoffs have not been enough to keep profits high. Where's all the money going?

The Fourth of July turned from fun to tragedy in Custer, South Dakota when a man participating in a hot dog eating contest choked to death. Walter Eagle Tail, age 47, lost consciousness during the competition and could not be revived when he was taken to the hospital.

Last year, a California sheriff's deputy shot 13-year-old Andy Lopez seven times, killing him, because he believed the pellet gun in the boy's hands was an assault rifle. Yesterday, the Sonoma County district attorney ruled the killer would face no charges.

Do dogs wear shades? A dog, Gawker's award-winning dog columnist, addresses the important question of dog fashion in today's column: "Sorry Tony—dogs don't wear shades."

Justin Bieber may be an international menace and a racist piece of shit, but he's working on redeeming himself. This video of Tom Hanks (in a yarmulke!) grooving to Montell Jordan's classic party jam "This Is How We Do It" is his first experiment with contributing something useful and/or interesting to society. It went okay!

If there's anything Alice Cooper loves, it's eyeliner. A close second for the 66-year-old musician are burgers that are about half the size of regular burgers, the kind that many call "sliders." So it was an honor for Cooper when he was inducted into White Castle's Craver Hall of Fame on Monday.

In the midst of her book tour, Hillary Clinton finally commented on her defense of an accused child rapist in 1975. The case, handled when Clinton was 27 years old, became an issue again last month when the conservative Washington Free Beacon released a tape of her bragging about her successful defense during a never-published interview with Esquire in the 1980s.

That's me to you.

Bajillion-selling author J.K. Rowling has been hard at work in her Harry Potter universe this year, scripting the upcoming Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but her best-known characters have remained on the shelf since the series concluded. Until last night, that is, when Rowling returned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, now in their 30s, in a new story on her Pottermore website.

Back in 2012, the Daily Caller whipped up a scandal around Democratic New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez, who, the conservative blog alleged, liked his prostitutes Dominican and underaged. That story turned out to be fake, and now, it seems like forces even more nefarious than Tucker Carlson were behind it.

There was a time—after Sex and the City glorified Magnolia Bakery, and before carbs were universally considered poison—when cupcakes were gold. Today, as a cupcake chain closes its doors, we must ask: Is the golden age of cupcakes over?

Jimmy Fallon trotted out his old Neil Young impression on the Tonight Show last night, doing Iggy Azalea's "Fancy" as the reedy-voiced legend. This time, however, he was joined by some famous friends.

Kim Jong-un limped his way on stage at his grandfather's memorial ceremony today. It's not clear what his injury is — maybe he's just being dramatic — but it's surprising that state TV captured his apparent weakness.

Afghanistan's election drama got worse this week when the preliminary results of last month's presidential runoff were released to show contender Abdullah Abdullah losing by a wide margin. His camp responded by calling the election a "coup" against the people's votes.

Germany's Marcel Kittel crosses the finish in London, England, winning the third stage of the 2014 Tour de France. Cyclists raced Monday in the rain for 96 miles from Cambridge to the stage's finish past Big Ben in Westminster. Image by Peter Dejong via AP.

Twenty-five people were trapped 20 feet above the ground and at a "precarious" angle on a roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain Monday. Park officials say that the coaster car on the "Ninja" ride became stuck after a tree branch fell on the track. According to KTLA, four people sustained minor injuries.

Christine Saunders, 45, was arrested by police in Dekalb County, Ala. after she drunkenly stole a horse and rode it to a nearby store to steal merchandise. Police found the horse tied up outside with three cans of Keystone Light inside a plastic Walmart bag tied to its saddle horn.

British Home Secretary Theresa May announced Monday a massive investigation into decades of sexual abuse allegations brought against government officials and how those allegations were handled (or weren't). The investigation, May said, will extend to health providers, religious groups, and the BBC.

Police arrested a man at the Detroit Metro Airport after TSA agents found a knife hidden in the lining of his shoe. The TSA heralded this man's ability to hide a weapon in his shoe, saying it was "artfully concealed."

Taylor Swift's essay for the Wall Street Journal's 125th anniversary issue has just gone up online, and never has the haunting chorus of Swift's runaway 2009 hit "You Belong With Me"—