A toddler strapped into its stroller rolled off the platform and onto the subway tracks at the Archer Avenue station in Jamaica, Queens this morning.

J.J. Abrams saves the best news about things that won't suck in Star Wars Episode VII for his charity videos. The first time he put out the word about the UNICEF-benefitting Force for Change, he showed us a creature built with practical effects. Now, breathe another sigh of relief as you get look at this X-Wing.

If Ron Paul never runs for president again, he can always get an anchor gig on RT. The patriotic American's latest "Texas Straight Talk" column is a Putin paean to all the ways in which the downing of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 was America's fault.

Conan O'Brien, Dave Franco, and their prowler van full of duct tape joined Tinder last week. It was a success for at least one of them, and slightly uncomfortable for everyone involved—including the audience. And we hadn't even seen the weirdest parts.

After a TV report alleging that a Chinese food supplier used meat that had fallen onto the factory floor and mixed expired goods in with the new stuff, McDonald's and fast-food conglomerate Yum Brands have vowed to cease ties with the company. Now, they promise, all the steaming trash they serve you will be totally fresh.

The ex-wife of the Florida cop fired for his alleged KKK ties said neither she nor her ex-husband really belonged to the Klan. According to her, the couple joined as part of an undercover operation in 2008 to out another cop in the KKK. The police chief at the time flatly denies this.

A new study says that producing beef causes far more environmental pollution and uses much more water and land than producing other kinds of meat. Damn! Better eat that chicken! Or better yet, a motherfucking eggplant!

Earth broke another all-time heat record again. "We are living in the steroid era of the climate system," one researcher says. Together, there's nothing we can't do! Except for reversing global warming.

After selfies at funerals and selfies with homeless people, it seemed like the potential for teens taking horrible self-shot photos had finally bottomed out. But that was before someone took a smiling selfie at Auschwitz Concentration Camp, a site where one million Jews (at a conservative estimate) were experimented on and executed, and then punctuated it with a cheerful emoji, because 2014.

Twenty-year-old Azamat Tazhayakov, a college friend of the Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, was found guilty today of covering up evidence in the wake of the attack. Three more friends of Tsarnaev have yet to be tried on similar charges.

"This is happening outside my office right now on 30th and 3rd," a tipster tells us. "Just when you think you have seen it all."

It would be difficult to come with a more on-the-nose metaphor for New York City's income inequality problem than the new high-rise apartment building coming to 40 Riverside Boulevard, which will feature separate doors for regular, wealthy humans and whatever you call the scum that rents affordable housing.

Israel's "Iron Dome" anti-rocket system is one of the most reliable defense tools on earth. It stops almost every deadly missile tossed its way. It is a miracle of modern civilization. These are claims repeated by reputable Western news sources. But what if they're bogus?

The man was perhaps in his early twenties, laboring with yellow-vested relief workers in the rubble of Shujaiyeh to cart out survivors on gurneys and find his family and friends. He was shot, and he fell. The shots kept coming. In a conflict marked by horrific images, this may be the worst yet.

When discussing a tragedy involving massive loss of human life, it's natural to wonder when it becomes OK to make humor—say, some horrible, on-the-nose wordplay—part of the healing process. Some popular answers include "never" and "definitely not while you're still reporting from the scene of the disaster."

Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian will attempt to Take the Hamptons in the latest reality-show spinoff from the Kardashian® brand/family, but the Hamptons refuse to surrender without a fight.

Weird Al Yankovic's #8Days8Videos project wraps up this morning with "Mission Statement," a parody of Crosby, Stills & Nash's "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" that finds Al "applying his proven methodology" to the subject of obnoxious business jargon. He gave the exclusive to The Wall Street Journal, which didn't seem to mind the irony.

The most popular argument against high taxes on the rich by localities is that these rich people will simply flee for other, lower-tax locations. According to a new study here in NYC, this is false.

Governor Rick Perry, who is toying with the (very bad) idea of running for president again, plans to send 1,000 Texas National Guardsmen to secure the border. According to The Monitor, which obtained an internal memo detailing the plan, this will cost about $12 million a month.

Kanye West—deity, designer, rapper, producer, Chicagoan, husband, father, cousin, child, genius™, egotist, prophet, kilt fan, mean-mugger, and anti-college education advocate—was interviewed by GQ staff writer Zach Baron for a recently-released cover story in the magazine where collectors of quarters through U.S. history can trade old-timey currency. Also tits.