Last week, creationist minister Ken Ham responded to a NASA astronomer's estimate that "in the next 20 years we will find out we are not alone in the universe" by declaring the search for extraterrestrials "pointless" because they're all going to hell anyway. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, astronomical badass, went on Real Time With Bill Maher Friday to offer a well-reasoned counterpoint.

This is America, and when America launches a war to make not-America more like America, by God, America does it right. Which is why we can now declare unconditional victory in Afghanistan: victory for the American bedrock value of flooding a country with legal guns that end up in illegal hands.

"THIS JUGGALO JUST TWERKED ON A DUDE'S GUT!" TMZ announced Friday, headlining a video of a woman in a tight top performing a lap dance on one extremely large lap. But how did this unholy union of ass and belly come to be?

On Friday, Indiana's Vanderburgh County Jail welcomed Terrence J. Lewis, a 32-year-old man who was wanted for attempted murder. Things quickly turned butt-farty.

I met Roger Blondell around 2 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon in early July. A tall chubby black man, Blondell was dressed in worn-in jeans and a shirt that looked like he'd had it on for a few days. Still, he didn't seem quite homeless. We were standing on the corner of 24th Street, at 7th Avenue, across from Whole Foods. "Can you spare some change?" he asked.

Michele Bachmann—former presidential candidate, soon-to-be-ex-congresswoman, corn-dog enthusiast—wants to make sure you know what's at stake in the gay-rights debate: tyranny, deviancy, and most of all, lots of child rape.

A new study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology finds that adjunct professors in U.S. colleges are at unique risk of "depression, anxiety, and stress" due to their jobs. Why might that be?

America is over. Where can an immigrant get a fair shake from a welcoming government? Germany.

Although George R.R. Martin was all over Comic-Con this year, not everyone involved in Game of Thrones was so hungry for the San Diego spotlight. Maisie Williams, the hilarious young actress who plays Arya Stark, preferred to roam the convention floor in relative anonymity.

Buried in a New York Times piece about Rand Paul's efforts to woo black voters is the story of the most Mitt Romney thing Mitt Romney has ever done: confuse two famous black women in media. According to Donna Brazile, Romney called her "Gwen" during the 2012 campaign.

New details obtained by ABC News make clear that nationally renowned law blogger and Florida State University professor Dan Markel was marked for murder at his Tallahassee home, but they deepen the mystery of who committed the crime and why.

Hey teens and adults without a dealer, are you looking for a way to get a extra shot of mojo, just a little boost to make you feel like you can do anything? Why not try the choking game, which has been providing a shot of euphoria through cutting off the brain's oxygen supply to...let's call them curious parties for decades. This weekend, Lifetime investigated this phenomenon in a fictional piece of camp propaganda that was aptly titled The Choking Game.

The New York Times editorial board has finally endorsed legalizing marijuana. This is widely viewed as a landmark moment in mainstream drug policy thought leadership. It should be viewed also as a testament to the ossified uselessness of mainstream thought leaders.

An Australian teen has died after falling from the balcony of a New Zealand ski resort Thursday and sustaining serious head injuries. It's a sobering situation that 9 News chose to memorialize with a photo of the deceased and his friends throwing up "the shocker."

When you find yourself atop a high dive this summer, racing toward the edge and staring into the lukewarm, chlorinated water below, remember: now is not the time for second-guessing.

The mother of the 15-year-old New Hampshire girl who went missing for nine months says that despite the rumors, her daughter was not pregnant during her disappearance. Zenya Hernandez told The Today Show that her daughter Abby didn't run away, either:

A Russian satellite full of "sexually active space geckos" lost contact with ground control last week, and Russian space agency Roscosmos feared its mission would be jeopardized, leaving the little lizards to mate in low-earth orbit until they ran out of food. Well, John Oliver is not having it.

The video above shows Brooklyn police arresting Jahmil-El Cuffee in Bed Stuy last week, after Cuffee allegedly rolled a joint in public. At about 1:40, with Cuffee held down on the ground by several cops, officer Joel Edouard delivers what looks an awful lot like a swift boot to the side of his head.

Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, known to us as Pussy Riot, have been delightfully awarded the Hannah Arendt Prize for Political Thought. The award is given to "people who in their thought and deeds courageously accept the challenge of public intervention." Philosophy, 2014!