The sweaty armpit of talk radio now fancies himself to be a "seduction" expert. On his show today, Rush Limbaugh decried Ohio State's new policy instructing students to get explicit, verbal consent before having sex, because "no means yes if you know how to spot it."

For some reason, Steve Harvey is considered a relationship expert, even though his research involves only his own experience and that of his parents, and his ethos is based on gender stereotypes. He frequently backs his claims with, "We're men!" and leaves it at that. He offers common sense (of a certain discipline) for the senseless (and the insecure).

What in the "Dear Mr. Jesus"/"Christmas Shoes" hell is this tripe? I can hear Joan Rivers going, "Ugh!" over and over in her grave in response to this treacly tribute from Kristin Chenoweth on today's episode of The View. Chenoweth sings her own "Borrowed Angels" ("They can't stay forever / 'Cause they're heaven sent / And sometimes heaven needs them back again") to rhapsodize a woman who made being a devil her life's work. At least Howard Stern's "dry pussy " bit was tonally consistent with Rivers' output, if not plausible. Does anyone really think that heaven needed back Joan Rivers?

Rich: I thought we were going to use the actual spa and I wondered what it would be like to be topless around you, Caity. Would it change things? Would it bring us closer or push us away from each other? I guess we'll have to figure that out on another day, when we go to water slides.

Another week, another ultimately meaningless free speech controversy on an American college campus. Should Ayaan Hirsi Ali be allowed to speak at Yale? If only there were some simple way of settling these nonstop arguments.

In response to hedge fund Starboard Value's scathing 300-page slideshow about everything from the size of the carb kingdom's asparagus to the lack of salted water for their pasta, Olive Garden released a relatively concise report of their own. In 24 pages, the restaurant basically says, "Hey, man, we're in the business of providing Italian generosity, capisce? You pickin' up what we're puttin' down?"

On Saturday, the eighth-ranked LSU Tigers beat the Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks 31-0 in a drama-free home game. Far more exciting than that shutout was the frat-boy showdown that one attendee documented outside.

Want to hate Robin Thicke even more than you already do? OK, here you go: The Hollywood Reporter got its hands on transcripts of his and Pharrell Williams from their preemptive lawsuit against Marvin Gaye's children, who threatened to sue over the sonic similarities between Thicke and Williams "Blurred Lines" and Gaye's "Got To Give It Up." In his testimony, Thicke admits that he was "high on Vicodin and alcohol" during the creation of the song, and that he received undue credit (he's listed ahead of Williams as a songwriter).

A four-year-old girl in Norway reportedly sleepwalked more than three miles Sunday night after dreaming her house was on fire. The girl, who was being watched by her aunt while her mother was on vacation, wasn't discovered until 6:30 Monday morning, wearing only her underwear and a pair of boots.

According to a report from the International Organization for Migration, 500 migrant workers are feared dead after their boat was rammed and sank off the Malta coast last week. The workers were Syrian, Palestinian, and Egyptian nationals "seeking a better life in Europe."

When Rene Lima-Marin was 20 years old, he committed two gunpoint robberies that got him sentenced to 98 years in prison. In 2008, he was released on parole because of a clerical mistake, and for the next six years, he lived as a free man with his wife and children. Now, he's being sent back to jail.

Clemente, a gravedigger in Guardamar del Segura, was making room in a grave for the body of woman to buried alongside her husband, when he apparently agreed—at the behest of the woman's niece—to pose for a photo with the 23-year-old corpse and his alleged nephew by marriage. Haha?

Julian Assange is the founder of Wikileaks. A wanted man, he recently began his third year living in the Ecuadorean Embassy in London. He joins us now to answer your questions about his new book, When Google Met Wikileaks.

Michael Powell, a longtime New York Times columnist, usually writes fine, if inoffensive, copy. However, in his recent move to the Sports desk, it appears he's reaching—very badly—for metaphors. Check out this appalling, tone-deaf lede to his most recent column on Ray Rice's domestic abuse scandal:

I arrived at the 9/11 Cultural Festival last Thursday thanks to a confusing mixture of repulsion and attraction I felt upon viewing a flier for it online.

On Saturday, serial party-crasher Bill Murray attended the South Carolina birthday party of one Marvin Larry Reynolds. Murray, for all his innumerable charms, is still just a goofy old white guy, so fittingly, he danced poorly to "Turn Down for What" and "867-5309/Jenny."

With the Scottish independence vote just days away, John Oliver walked us through the thousands-year-long marriage between Scotland and England on this week's Last Week Tonight. It hasn't been great!

On last night's Miss America Pageant (and its preceding Countdown show), we were treated to ventriloquism, rhythmless red-cup percussion, a slew of factoids about the contestants as they did performed their talents ("Slapped a shark as a kid," "Attacked by a Cheetah in Zambia"), an embarrassing song by Miss Tennessee's parents from the audience, a Toddlers & Tiaras-inspired Pixy Stix binge, and Game of Thrones fandom. I've never seen a wackier mainstream U.S. pageant, nor a better one and no one fell or fucked up an interview question or anything. A great job all around.

We are two short years away from the 2016 presidential election, and potential Republican candidates are already taking every opportunity to prove how much they detest the poor.

Two British tourists who met while traveling in Thailand were found nearly naked and beaten to death on a beach on the island of Koh Tao in the Gulf of Thailand, police say.