An easy way to be a better person:

The Pittsburgh-area Vale Wood Farms got a special delivery just in time for Steelers Sunday this weekend: A brand new baby calf...with a "7" marked on its face! Farm owner Carissa Itle-Westrick named the lucky calf after Pittsburgh's other famous "7"—accused rapist Ben Roethlisberger.

We've all been there: You're trying to have a romantic time with that special someone of yours, but something isn't right. The phone keeps ringing, or it takes too long to find a condom, or you're having sex on top of dead bodies and it's like, hey, I'm no prude but this is a little weird, right?

Based upon beer and liquor company advertising, you might imagine that the US booze industry primarily sells its products to suave, attractive 20-somethings on the beach. In fact, it primarily sells its products to alcoholics.

Over the weekend, we learned that a Daily Show-staged showdown between Native American activists and supporters of the Washington Redskins name left at least one of the Redskins fans feeling "in danger" and "defamed." Last night, that segment aired.

Hours after apologizing to Michael Brown's family, Ferguson, Mo., police chief Thomas Jackson attempted to join a group of demonstrators who were actively calling for his resignation, NBC reports. It's hard to believe, but it didn't go over well.

FBI Director James B. Comey has announced that American intelligence agencies have identified the masked ISIS militant responsible for beheading journalists James Foley and Steven Sotloff. The killer, who speaks fluent, British-accented English has been nicknamed "Jihadi John," but the FBI is opting against releasing his name or nationality while agents are on the hunt for him.

The social media manager in charge of @USATodayCollege, from USA Today's college vertical, appears to have gotten his or her wires crossed with their personal account. A tipster pointed out to us that the account's most recent fav is a tweet by self-proclaimed "Big ass British MILF & adult web model" Daniella English Ass, in which she is sucking some guy's dick. The graphic tweet below.

Canadian Kai Xu was caught at the Detroit border crossing with 51 live turtles taped to his legs and his groin. His smuggling attempt was botched by both his bulging sweatpants and an extensive surveillance operation by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agents, according to The Guardian:

Professional weenie Shia LaBeouf ran 144 laps around the Stedelijk Museum in Amsterdam today as part of a performance art piece.

Devout Christians looking to spread the word of God sometimes need to get creative about where they're preaching—after all, anywhere could be the right place to convert an unbeliever. So why not discuss Bible verses with the guy you've invited over to fuck your wife?

Gwyneth Paltrow loves the Jewish high holidays, and she's starting her 5775 with some new underwear...and a subliminal message.

A day after a lead suspect was arrested, Charlottesville, Va. police told reporters at a press conference today that they are no closer to finding missing University of Virginia student Hannah Graham. "We still have no idea whatsoever where she is, despite our best efforts," Charlottesville Police Chief Timothy Longo said. "We have an obligation to bring her home, one way or the other. That's what we promised to do."

Imagine "Last of the Mohicans" mixed with "Silicon Valley" mixed with the male ideal of beauty mixed with some deleted James Bond scenes, and it might look like this: the trailer for Michael Mann's latest thriller.

Questions regarding who, if anyone, is culpable in the death of Tucker Hipps—the Sigma Phi Epsilon pledge at Clemson who was found dead in a lake near campus Monday after going on an early morning run with fellow pledges and frat brothers—remain, but a newly released 911 call indicates that his frat's explanation was set from the beginning.

In this video, a pack of children have an argument about weather, and eventually come to blows.

It's rare to find a job that offers a pension nowadays. And those that already had entire careers that promised them pensions—well, your outlook is almost as bad as someone with no pension at all.

Child of god Aubrey Graham got some new tattoos yesterday from Dr. Woo at Shamrock Social Club in Hollywood. One of them was of the praying hands emoji, which some people wrongly believe depicts a "high five." But what does Drake believe?

Big Data: The phrase conjures up images of nerdy techno-alchemists finessing valuable information about the universe with complicated and expensive computers. It is that, yes—but it's also a necessary progression in technological evolution, a term for any complex analysis of large databases that would have been impossible using older technology. The potential benefits of its use are enormous, and the uses vary widely as the information collected about us grows exponentially and the ability to process it grows in tandem.

"Suddenly I stopped producing breast milk, so now I collect breast milk from my friends," explained Apple Melecia on last night's TLC special Extreme Cheapskates: Guide To Love. Extreme Cheapskates is a show about people who do all manner of insane and/or disgusting things for the sake of saving some coins and delighting in others' disgust. For the cameras, Apple also proudly made her own baby wipes with a roll of paper towels and dish detergent (that she would reuse), shopped for lingerie in a thrift store, and asked a beautician to put used extensions on her head since they were just going to be thrown out anyway.