According to Texas health officials, over 80 people have had direct or indirect contact with Thomas Duncan, the Texas patient recently diagnosed with Ebola, since he arrived in the United States on September 20.

Tallahassee police have placed officer Terry Mahan on paid administrative leave after video of him tasering unarmed 61-year-old Viola Young raised "enough concerns," Tallahassee Police Chief Michael DeLeo announced late Wednesday night. "They just tased a lady for nothing," the man heard in the video says. "They wonder why they're hated."

Two Louisiana high school teachers are in jail after the 16-year-old student they allegedly had a threesome with bragged about the encounter at school, local police say.

St. Louis prosecutors are investigating a possible leak after someone claiming to know about the Michael Brown grand jury proceedings posted information about the case on Twitter.

Tourism in Thailand is down, presumably because of a summer of political unrest and two brutally murdered tourists, so officials are floating new ways to keep its drunkest foreign visitors safe.

The Texas Ebola patient was released from the hospital two days before he was ultimately placed in isolation—despite the fact that he told his nurse he had been traveling in Liberia, officials said Wednesday.

An unidentified suspect broke into a poultry plant near Fresno, Calif. on Sept. 19 and allegedly bashed nearly 1,000 chickens to death with a golf club, according to police.

SNL alums Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader and Maya Rudolph, along with Game of Thrones star Peter Dinklage, will lead the voice cast of Angry Birds, an animated tie-in movie based on a mobile phone game people liked in 2012. By the time the film comes out in 2016, they'll be the only ones still playing Angry Birds. (And some of them are playing green pigs instead.)

Secret Service Director Julia Pierson offered her resignation today "in light of recent and accumulating reports about the agency," according to White House spokesman Josh Earnest. That is, those times the Secret Service let a guy with a knife get into the White House and a guy with a gun ride an elevator with Obama.

Politico Magazine, a glossy version of Politico, seeks to deliver “really big takes on big subjects holding leaders in Washington and beyond accountable.” Their latest really big take: President Obama’s assassination might be the only way to reform the incompetent U.S. Secret Service.

Jurors in Jacksonville, Florida found Michael Dunn guilty of first degree murder Wednesday afternoon for the shooting death of 17-year-old Jordan Davis. In November 2012, Dunn opened fire at an SUV Davis and three other unarmed teenagers were sitting in after becoming enraged at the loud "thug music" coming from the vehicle.

Law & Order: SVU has never been shy about "ripping" its stories from "the headlines." But an upcoming episode of the long-running cop theatrical is treating headlines like a hoarder does garbage.

The four rail lines that make up the Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority (MARTA) meet at Five Points Station. The station, which was opened in 1979 and later added North-South lines in 1981, is located in the middle of downtown and serves as a transportation hub for the metro area’s five million residents. Ascending from the below-ground platforms, the plaza opens onto Alabama Street SW and Marietta Street NW. From Five Points you can get just about anywhere in Atlanta.

Fashionable style robots Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have been escorting their painfully precious baby North West around Paris for Fashion Week and with every photo that emerges, North's grimace deepens. Is it pain over the constant photographers' flashes? Is it the dismal reality that the life of a human is finite? Or is it those leather leggings that are chafing her diapered bum?

Yesterday, Tracy Morgan made one of his first public statements since a Walmart truck hit his limo bus in June, leaving him with serious physical and neurological injuries. "I'm fighting hard every day to get back," he said. But after that hopeful sentiment, Morgan's lawyer has jumped in to make sure we don't set our expectations too high.

Voting is tricky—how are you supposed to know who to vote for? The College Republican National Committee is tapping into this anxiety with an insulting new "parody" campaign ad that imagines the different candidates as dresses (?) for women to wear.

A 25-year-old wine specialist died Monday after she was overcome by fumes from a fermentation tank, causing her to lose her balance and fall into the vat.

It's that time again: voting in round one of America's Ugliest Accent Tournament is about to begin. We can now give you the results of our prior days' matchups, which may serve to inform where your loyalties lie in today's rounds of voting. Nevertheless, please remember that city pride is important when it comes to nominating the ugliest garbage-sounding mealymouth in America. Stay true to your school.

Today, the Boston Herald newspaper published a cartoon that depicts a man showering in Barack Obama's bathroom. It's a commentary about the Secret Service's recent history of putting Barack Obama and his family in harm's way. It also contains a completely unnecessary and racist joke about watermelons.

Ben Affleck's is a decent dick, from what I could tell.