After making headlines this week by reviving decades-old Clinton scandals, ultimate ‘90s kid Donald Trump hearkened back to a more recent golden era on Wednesday: Earlier this year, when more than a dozen lifelong Republicans got dunked on by a stupid orange clown.

It’s the right’s turn to top in the flip-fucking session that is the struggle for LGBT rights in the United States. The New York Times reports that officials in 11 states—Maine, Arizona, Texas, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah, West Virginia, and Wisconsin—have sued the federal government over guidance issued by President Obama to allow transgender students to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, regardless of what’s printed on their birth certificates.

At 3:28 p.m. today, in the year of our Lord 2016, Bernie Sanders retweeted a song called “Superdelegate” by a one Mr. Lukas Autry Nelson. After several listens, I can say with total confidence that the song is very, very bad. Demonstrably bad. Why-is-blood-streaming-from-my-ears bad. Senator Sanders, no man who makes this sort of judgment call should ever have his finger on the trigger. I’m sorry, but it’s time to step down.

It is with a heavy heart that we bring you this tail of woe: most New Yorkers are giving wack names to their dogs.

Here’s something they don’t tell you in journalism school: The best way to get a story tip is also the easiest—someone accidentally emails you something that was meant for someone else.

According to New York magazine, Donald Trump, in preparation for the general election, is giving campaign chairman Paul Manafort and campaign manager Corey Lewandowski plenty of room to avoid each other: These two spoiled brats will each get their own office space on different floors of Trump Tower.

It may look as if Donald Trump’s renegade presidential campaign is run primarily by inexperienced loose cannons who could at any moment help torpedo the candidate’s chances at securing the most unlikely election victory in modern American history, and a new report this afternoon from The Politico seems to confirm that.

The only business edge that Walmart has left over Amazon: food stamp spending. (Much of it from Walmart employees!)

Teens of New York were miffed af this morning when they found that their sicky gnar gnar school skip day at the beach was to be more of a ride to bummer city in the back of an NYPD van.

The hedge fund industry is in the midst of a slow-motion disaster, as its biggest investors come to the realization that the fees hedge funds charge make most of them a scam. One hedge fund guy is embodying the industry’s clueless resistance to change, in hilarious fashion!

Late-night CNN viewers were treated to a brief moment of Cinemax-style steaminess during a segment that aired at about 1:30 a.m. Eastern time today. While on-air personalities were discussing protests at a Donald Trump rally in New Mexico last night, the screen behind them displayed a tweet from the Donald about the event. “Does your cock match your skin color?” read the first reply, which was also displayed. “Like, is it orange?”

Chris Kyle, the deadliest sniper in American military history, whose bestselling memoir American Sniper was adapted into a Hollywood blockbuster of the same name, claimed to have been awarded two Silver Stars and five Bronze Stars for valor during his time as a Navy SEAL. This claim, it turns out, was a false one.

Do you enjoy the exquisite thrill of the hunt? Do you crave the visceral experience of—using nothing more than your wits and a weapon—stalking the most dangerous game of all: cow?

Mary Lou Bruner believes that Noah kept baby dinosaurs on his ark, that President Obama is a former drug-addled gay prostitute, and that the New World Order is secretly working to reduce the world’s population by roughly two-thirds. Mary Lou Bruner also believes that she would make a great representative on the Texas State Board of Education. Somehow, Texas disagreed, and last night, Mary Lou Bruner lost.

On Monday, the New York Times reported that Gawker Media CEO Nick Denton had come to believe that a wealthy individual has been funding a steady stream of lawsuits, including three different ones filed by Hulk Hogan alone, against his company. Two journalists at Forbes magazine, Ryan Mac and Matt Drange, are lending credence to Denton’s theory. On Tuesday evening, the pair revealed that the powerful Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel has been secretly underwriting Hulk Hogan’s litigation against Gawker:

Those yellow clothing-collection bins behind your local gas station or convenience store aren’t actually particularly charitable, according to a Reveal investigation. Not only will your donations likely not be helping hungry kids in Africa, they may be directly supporting a Danish international fugitive named Mogens Amdi Petersen.

My name is Barry and I’m here to say / Hold free elections / Let people be gay.

A low point of the American experiment.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump each won primaries in Washington state on Tuesday. Trump won 27 Republican delegates, with 17 still to be allocated, the Associated Press reports. Clinton won no delegates, because Washington Democrats already awarded them based on party caucuses in March.