Texas Finally Did Something Good

Mary Lou Bruner believes that Noah kept baby dinosaurs on his ark, that President Obama is a former drug-addled gay prostitute, and that the New World Order is secretly working to reduce the world’s population by roughly two-thirds. Mary Lou Bruner also believes that she would make a great representative on the Texas State Board of Education. Somehow, Texas disagreed, and last night, Mary Lou Bruner lost.

Mary Lou Bruner’s once bright campaign might very well have succeeded, were it not for her need to post rambling diatribes on Facebook about how Ahmed “clock boy” Mohammed was a false flag and how school shootings are a product of the Bible being taken out of the classroom. But once people got wind of Mary Lou’s beliefs, her unorthodox views overshadowed her more reasonable platforms, like her call to label the Boy Scouts of Americas as “a homosexual organization,” for instance.

Mary Lou’s opponent, chiropractor and Lufkin school board president Kevin M. Ellis, beat her by “a wide margin,” according to The New York Times, which is perhaps the first encouraging bit of news to come out of the Texas public education system in years.

Since gaining national attention, Mary Lou Bruner has apparently decided to make her Facebook private. We can’t imagine why.