Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart welcomed his old pal Bill O'Reilly as guest, ostensibly to discuss Bill O's new book Killing Patton. From the outset, however, Stewart admits that he didn't even read the thing, and starts grilling O'Reilly about his stance on white privilege.

A Baltimore teacher was placed on administrative leave and a 17-year-old student was charged with assault after the two brawled in the hallway of Carter Vocational Technical School last Friday. WBAL published a cell phone video of the fight, in which you can hear the teacher threaten to kill the student.

Continuing its fun new trend, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has plunged more than 100 points already this morning. Fear is back! Heyyyy, buddy!

Ron Morais, of Fredericton, New Brunswick, doesn't like to waste a drop of his coffee. "I always take the lid off to get my last sip," he told the CBC. But he says that on a visit to McDonald's Monday, he found something in his cup that ruined his appetite for last bit of coffee there: A dead mouse.

"Hot celesbians are everywhere you look," the New York Post reports today. Look at the ladies in those pictures—they're more than friends. They do it. Photographs of various lesbian couples available now—only in the New York Post. [Pic via]

A white quad-copter drone saddled with a camera buzzed above us at Brooklyn's Floyd Bennett Field while a uniformed soldier warbled her way through the national anthem, discordant but in harmony just the same. As she finished, the microphone was passed to Sergeant Major Mike Lillie of the United States Marine Corps.

Hong Kong's Beijing-approved chief executive, Leung Chun-ying, has agreed to new talks with the student protesters occupying major thoroughfares of the city on the heels of a viral video of plainclothes police officers beating handcuffed activist Ken Tsang. "As long as students or other sectors in Hong Kong are prepared to focus on this issue, yes we are ready, we are prepared to start the dialogue," Leung told reporters.

An Australian man rather understandably says his trip to Bali was "ruined" when he had a horrifying run-in with a disturbingly determined spider.

Bestselling author and real life attorney John Grisham recently told an interviewer that the law really needs to start distinguishing between real pedophiles and sixty-year-old white men who get drunk and download child porn, or whatever.

A terrible teenager was arrested this week in Indiana after he decided to give a waitress the world's most disgusting tip.

Amber Vinson, the second Dallas nurse to be diagnosed with Ebola, reportedly had permission from the Centers for Disease Control to fly on a commercial flight from Cleveland to Dallas—even though she reported having a fever.

An almost two-year-old rant detailing one woman's failed attempt to procure Winter Candy Apple and Iced Ginger Bread candles from Bath & Bodyworks by YouTuber Az4Angela recently went viral (here's a Tumblr devoted to it). I understand that description is not exactly sexy but Az4Angela's whipping of herself into a tizzy for nearly 12 minutes over these candles simply must be seen to be believed.

Where's your beach?

Stocks PLUNGED today before RALLYING into merely SEMI-AWFUL losing territory at the close. This sort of market noise serves little purpose except to stress out Wall Street traders, which is what makes it worth laughing about.

A camel that bit, kicked, and smothered an American to death at a wildlife park in Mexico was reportedly upset that it hadn't yet received its daily Coca-Cola.

Taylor Swift, Mistress of the Hunt, Defender of Maidens, Soother, Light-Bringer, Diana Venatrix in Keds by Taylor Swift for Keds Collection, stars in a new advertisement for cola pop marching onto TVs this Friday. For now, you can watch it above, if you are of age. It is too dark for children.

Some people think New York is a terrible city. Others do not. To each his or her own, but the debate ends today: Erykah Badu recently went busking in Manhattan and basically nobody recognized her. Everybody, please boo New York.

Seventy-year-old painter David Huggins was first abducted by aliens when he was eight, he says in the documentary trailer below. He's met many more beings in the years since then, but one stands out: Crescent, the extraterrestrial woman who took his virginity.

The people have spoken, and, damn, they sound terrible.

As America's incarceration rate slowly declines, more and more prisons stand empty. Yesterday, we asked: what should we do with all these empty prisons? You came up with some good ideas, you people out there.