Anthony Jake Murray, 27/M/midair, waited for five days in the cold last May to show off his freakish running, jumping, and climbing skills on the American Ninja Warrior obstacle course, only to have his dream denied.

On Sunday, the artist Ryder Ripps spent the night at the Ace Hotel in midtown Manhattan. The hotel offered him a free room and $50 stipend to make some art—a deal he's since called exploitative—so he hired two "sensual masseuses" from Craigslist to make it for him, dubbing the project ART WHORE. Condemnation from the art world was swift.

The unmarried teen who goes by Alex From Target (née Alex Lee) spent some time with pen-hating New York Times columnist Nick Bilton in the teen Twitter sensation's hometown of Frisco, Texas last week, resulting in Bilton's penning a 1500-word story on exactly what Alex From Target is and has always been: a cute teen, cool as a cuke.

Ex-First Look editor Matt Taibbi has landed a new feature-writing gig at Grantland. Taibbi has also returned to writing for Rolling Stone.

George Orwell's dead ears must be ringing because banning words is so hot rn! So says TIME magazine, which once named you (you!) the Person of the Year. Today, TIME posted a "reader poll" asking which internet neologisms and tired portmanteaux should retire and move to Naples at year's end.

The pilot who survived last month's Virgin SpaceShipTwo crash has told investigators that his parachute deployed automatically, which is probably a great help when you find yourself going 600 miles an hour 50,000 feet up with no plane.

Tonight, Al Roker will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for longest weather report. This brings to mind a number of questions. For instance, why is this a recognized world record? Also, will Al Roker shit his pants?

A new Man Trend has sent the thinkpiece index soaring: Lumbersexuality. But what does this mean...to you? If you're ready, allow me to explain what it means to be Lumbersexual.

If anyone could save a Lifetime movie about Grumpy Cat—who is not a character with a personality, just a normal cat whose charm can be experienced in full through a still JPG—it would be delightful permanent eyeroll Aubrey Plaza, right? Aubrey Plaza definitely thinks so, not sarcastically.

We periodically run letters from inmates on death row. Today we bring you a letter from convicted Texas murderer Robert Charles Ladd, whose final appeal was recently rejected by the U.S. Supreme Court, and who will soon receive an execution date.

The Atlantic wonders why millennials aren't saving money. The answer, as it turns out, is pretty simple. Millennials are extremely mistrustful of banks, don't know shit about investing, and are just really fucking bad at saving money. Like, really, really bad. Oh, right, and student loan debt. Welcome to adulthood!

Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg, who sells your private information for profit, was recently asked about his sartorial philosophy during a Facebook town hall—more specifically, why does the precocious genius behind the foremost destination for social networking choose to wear such simple, humble threads every day when he could be blinged out in bespoke sharkskin suits and a diamond necklace that reads "IKNOWEVERYTHINGBOUTUBITCH"?

Get a load of this idiot.

Bryan Cranston summons up everything he's learned playing both a genial dad and a meth-cooking, family-destroying megalomaniac for his latest challenging performance: Narrating the audiobook of You Have to Fucking Eat.

Bill de Blasio, a large and unpunctual man, bumbled through a fog both literal and figurative on his way to a scheduled appearance this morning, to which he was 20 minutes late.

At least two window washers are trapped outside of the 68th floor of 1 World Trade Center. Rescue workers are working to free the trapped workers, who were reportedly on their way to the top of the building when of their scaffold's motors or cables broke just before 1 p.m.

It's completely understandable if you're not ready to trust another shocking twerk-gone-wrong video after the way Jimmy Kimmel treated you, but if you can find it in your heart to watch this one until the end, it'll be worth your while. Sure, this could be fake, but it's probably too gross for TV.

Last year, all-American employer Walmart started its "Black Friday" sales in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner, which was a real treat for Walmart employees. This year, hell, why not just make it whole week? Of hell?

Kim Kardashian's Paper cover, centered on her bare, oiled-up ass, threatened to break the internet. Well, Chelsea Handler's butt can make threats, too. It's on Instagram right now, threatening to be seen by you.

A spacecraft landed on the surface of a comet for the first time ever today, the European Space Agency confirms. The 220-pound Philae lander successfully made its way to the surface of 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, as part of the agency's 10 years in the making Rosetta mission.