This is certainly a scary time in America, what with the racist McCain/Palin fans and a liberal response that is still cringing and frightened to offend no matter what crazy shit the Wingers spew. But America has had scary times before—times when racists and rednecks and bullies and other pieces of shit went all out to stop the spread of progress and new ideas and common decency. And we have always stuck it to the man, at least in movies and TV. My opener after the jump.

Opus, Berkeley Breathed's troubled, herring-loving penguin, has managed to eek out an existence since he first hit the strip "Bloom County" in 1980. But now he's gonna die, because Breathed is gonna kill him, and it's all your fault, snarky snarking internet users! Asked why Breathed is ending Opus's self-named strip next week after a five year run, Breathed tells Salon, "We're not a movie. In most aspects, there's no arc to the human story. Only a line heading upward. For nearly everything. In this case, the coarsening of the National Discourse. We aren't returning someday to any sort of golden era of political civility. The line heads heavenward and has been since the Republic started. And with the intersection of two rather dramatic dynamics — the cable and Web technology allowing All Snark All the Time ... and the political realities of No More Free Lunch in America, it will spike in the coming years like Don Draper's sex life, and I hereby pledge that that's the last pop reference I use." But isn't it during dark times that we most need funny satire? Screw you, noob!

Attention friends of Madonna and Guy Ritchie: You are no longer friends with Guy Ritchie. Madge is mustering her forces for what is hopefully going to be an epically nasty divorce. First strategy, gather the troops and hunker down. So the icon is reportedly telling her friends, hangers-on, sycophants, and other assorted slaves to stay the hell away from her soon-be-ex husband. You know, she doesn't want to be discussing how her lawyers may totally savage Ritchie's character in advance of a possible custody battle over their son Rocco just to have it get back to the director and his friends.

Terry Tate, the linebacker-turned-office manager who starred in one of the greatest Superbowl commercials of all time, has returned. In the first installment of his triumphant move from advertising to politics, Tate appears at Palin's infamous interview with Katie Couric to express his mild displeasure with the Alaskan ice queen's infuriating double-talk.

Former Soul Train host Don Cornelius was arrested for domestic violence at his Los Angeles home last night. Cops responding to a radio call for domestic abuse showed up at Cornelius's place on Mulholland Drive and arrested the 72-year-old at the scene. He was taken to an LAPD jail in Van Nuys, booked on felony domestic violence charges, and released on $50,000 bail. The police still aren't saying who he allegedly abused, or how, but he lives with his wife. [NYDN]

Season two of everyone's favorite misogyny-fest, Mad Men, ends next week. But good news! AMC just ordered a third. In the meantime, you can't have a TV drama about a bunch of women-hating he-men without women for them to hate. And what are those women like? Video intern Marian Lorraine has compiled the ladies at their super retro bitchiest. Click through for awesomeness!

Who was the dark mastermind behind last January's Denial of Service attack that shut down Scientology.org for a little while? A teenager, obvs. 18-year-old Dmitriy Guzner, a self-proclaimed member of the 4Chan-related anti-Scientology group Anonymous has been busted by the Feds for his part in the shenanigans. The Verona, NJ, teen has plead guilty and could get slammed with ten years in prison. Ouch. Press release after the jump.

Too few sci-fi nerds are doing their duty and watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Its ratings have stunk this season and if they don't get better it could be canceled. Fortunately, according to this guy, it's still very popular with advertisers, so Fox has just ordered another season. And everyone better start watching it or poor Summer Glau will be out of a job again, just like when the bastards canceled Firefly. As a reminder of how important it is that Glau remain on television, here are a bunch of pics of her being hot.

Joerg Haider, the Austrian extreme rightist who died in a car crash while going twice the speed limit last week, spent the last moments of his life partying at gay hot spot Stadtkraeme, according to the German newspaper Bild. Maybe European Neo-Nazis just like to dance?

Despite their obvious evil, the monkeys have a shadow army, a veritable fifth column of monkey apologist humans secretly working to secure their overthrow of mankind. Some of them even live with the hairy hellions! When the law caught up with California human David Grigorian—who was sharing his Van Nuys home with a marmoset known only as Cheeta—he was ordered to hand the monkey over to Game and Wildlife officials, since he didn't have a permit for the animal. Instead, the monkey sympathizer showed up in court this week with a photo of Cheeta posing with a Mexian newspaper to convince a judge that the vine-climbing menace had fled south of the border. Eventually, Grigorian admitted he and Cheeta were still living in sin and turned in his partner. But it's all too easy to blame the human when a simian gets into mischief. After all, the guy was probably just a patsy.

There's nothing like a truly excellent goodbye letter. One case in point is a rambling missive to the world from former hedge fund manager Andrew Lahde, who closed shop last month after deciding that it was just too risky to keep doing business with banks. Specifically, he calls out the, "low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America."

Want to get knocked up by a blond Frankenstein who thinks everything in life is attributable to genetics? All you have to do is pay off his college debt! This Craigslist user will provide you with his "A+" manseed if you relieve him of his responsibility to pay for the education he's received. Just what is "A+" sperm? It's "Irish/Danish. 6', blond, light green eyes, great complexion, great teeth (never needed braces), very well endowed, can eat anything—and not gain weight, natural abdominal six pack." How like a god! Also? Genetics makes this specimen, "Very much into athletics, music, the arts, business..." Plus: "I believe I have great taste." Click through for a bigger pic. By the way, maybe delete the part about being Irish? The bottle is the curse of you people. [Craigslist]

So, how have our friends at the GOP been behaving themselves this week? Oh, it's not good. First, they tricked Democrats in California into becoming Republicans by telling them they were signing petitions for stiffer punishments for child molesters. Then, in DC, Boston, Seattle, and elsewhere, they sent racially charged death threats to ACORN staffers and vandalized their offices. And how were things in Ohio? Watch the most racist Sarah Palin rally so far caught on tape after the jump.

With money scarce, locals and tourists alike have stopped tossing their spare change and loose dollars to New York City's famed street performers. When every last penny has to be preserved for booze, tranqs, and anti-anxiety drugs, people are simply not splurging on curbside entertainment like they used to. Even that silver statue/robot dude from Times Square and the South Street Seaport is feeling the pinch. The performer, who calls himself Orange Mime, testifies, "The economy has definitely affected my earnings as a street performer. I am a living statue (silver/gold robot guy) and I have noticed a significant loss in recent weeks... I only hope it gets better for December because that is usually my best month."

Layoffs, layoffs, layoffs, layoffs, Elvis impersonator, report of layoffs disappears, layoffs, layoffs, layoffs by blog post, layoffs, layoffs, rumor of layoffs, layoffs, layoffs, PDF layoff. On a brighter note, Valleywag has hired Jason Calacanis, according to ZDNet. How was your week? (Screenshot from Jason Calacanis's Flickr)

· Who will keep Madonna's mustache in her bitter divorce battle with Guy Ritchie? · Not enough break-up drama? Can we interest you in a Grazer split? What about David Duchovny and Tea Leoni? · Why didn't late-night pitbull David Letterman pin down John McCain for trying to grab Barack Obama's ass in this week's debate? · Were you born under a Grazer sign? If so, have we got the horoscope for you! · So which is it: Is Dakota Fanning a "diva from hell" or just extra-dedicated to her tween craft? · How many stars has Ben Lyons fucked anyway? · Who has the better cure for autism: Dr. Denis Leary or cleavage-therapy pioneer Jenny McCarthy? · One way or another, will somebody at NBC please put Tina Fey back on the air already? · Can any memoir ever really justify Marcia Brady's shocking, sudden candor? · Have you mailed your last-ever fan letter to Ringo Starr yet? · Which is the more proper artistic tribute to Angelina Jolie: A milk-spurting mall fountain or photos of hamburger-noshing? · From the C-word to the F-word, can you believe the plunging standards on cable news these days? · Is it Spock or is it Katie Holmes? And how did fighting with William Shatner become J.J. Abrams's life, anyway? · Have you checked out our helpful new TV listings, "Watch Tivo Kill"? Well? What are you waiting for?

Here she is: my final Defamer baby, ready to be consumed by you, Death Star Employees and plebes alike. I took a slightly different approach than you are used to, and I'm loosely referring to this piece as my Love Letter to Hollywood, a city that I have learned to be totally flippin' bananas about while working at this fine blog. Much of my early days at Defamer and all of my most memorable moments took place on this very Walk of Fame and it only seemed right to try and find a way to say thank you to this city and its people for helping me find my way.To throw some more specific holla: Mark Lisanti, your influence on my life is undeniable. I can't thank you enough for the opportunities you've given me and for including me in what has been one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life. Seth - The amount of time we spend together alone is enough to have made you one of my best friends this year. I'll never drink another iceroonie or eat another piece of mee-so KAWD and not think of you, my blue-eyed hilarity machine. If you ever need someone to go on a three-day bender in TJ with, you know who to call. And once again, I'm sorry I texted you the words "Let's get crunk" six times on New Year's Eve. In retrospect, that wasn't cool. Mark Graham, you're the one who gave me breaks I arguably didn't deserve and I can't say thank you enough. Thank you for putting up with my occasional brattitude, thank you for your constantly positive outlook and thank you for agreeing that Gregory and Migle were totally boning on Kid Nation. They were boning. You and me, dude. We called that. Stu, you really spruced this joint up. Your intelligence, wit and kindness will always stick with me. Next time I'm in New York, the brown liquor of your choice is on me. Kyle, it hasn't been long, but it's been long enough for me to know that you and I are gonna be friends for a really long time. Then I'll get famous and ignore you. Look, babe: you get it. All J/Ks aside, you've got my love on lockdown. You'll never have to ask where this Yeezey is. Never. Douglas. Mr. Reinhardt, you're very special to me. I don't know what I did to earn your admiration, but I have few friends in the world who are as quick to throw down for me as you. I'm not even sure if I deserve to have someone be as nice to me as you are, but thank you for everything. You're the kinda kid who's going to set the world on fire, one Boner Party at a time. Alex Goldberg, my NYC counterpart and Tumblr-PIC: You've got that kind of crazy, sexy, cool attitude that I'm all about. Meeting you has been one of my greatest privileges here. I could just drink your soul and then write a blog entry all about it. Jim Kleckner, who took all 4,600 stills that make up this final video, thank you for your inspiration and friendship. To the stars of my videos - The WGA Strikers, the Superheroes, Franco the Pretzel Guy and my generous friends who have tirelessly worked with me: Ed, Alexis, Mel, Kendall, Johnny and Glen from Coffee Bean. Thanks for letting me shove a camera in your face so I could get a paycheck. And report the news. If I could give each and everyone of you a snickerdoodle and a hug, you can bet I would. And finally, to the readers and commenters who've stuck by me: Let's make out. You guys "get it" and "getting it" is just about the sexiest thing anyone can do these days. I'd like to page the view out of each and every one of you. If you want to find me, I'm here. And I miss you already. -Molls To Do: Friday · The Roots and Gym Class Heroes at the Palladium · We The People: Documentary Film Fest at the Echo Park Film Center · Say Hi at the Echo Saturday · Patti Smith at the Orpheum · Fourplay at the Lancaster Performing Arts Center · Sleeping Beauty at Theater West Sunday · Mary J. Blige at the Gibson Amphitheater · Twist and Shout at the Crown City Theater · Jeff Garlin's Combo Platter at UCB

About Time: It was only a matter of time before the week's two big autism stories collided, but let's thank Access Hollywood for hastening things along. Billy Bush caught up with "cleavage and veggies" advocate Jenny McCarthy to get her comments on Denis Leary's assertion that autistic kids are stupid and lazy, and she described a scene that sounded as though it had come straight out of a Sarah Palin rally. "Whoo! First of all, let me tell you, the autism community has received probably 10,000 emails [saying] 'Go kill him!' 'Go yell at him,'" she told Bush. "[But] it’s so hard to even get up enough juice in me or energy in me to even try to fight someone that is obviously stupid." Really? Jenny, consider your guest-blogging privileges at Defamer revoked. [Us]

Layoff, shmayoff –- I was 12 years old when the Loma Prieta quake hit 19 years ago. Sunny afternoon. An average Thursday and no reason to suspect anything was wrong. I had just gotten out of the shower and was about to get dressed when the shaking hit. It was far, far worse than I’d ever felt before. I dove for the doorjamb right about the same time my Dad appeared in another doorway. No time to throw pants on. I had to go commando through the worst quake in Bay Area history.

It's just eleven Sarah Palin-glasses-shopping-days 'til Halloween, and in honor of the spookiest night of the year (besides the ones in which Holly Madison attempted to conceive at the *THUNDER CRASH!!!* Playboy mansion), we thought we'd pull together ten of the greatest Halloween-themed TV specials to haunt and delight our distant youths. We think you'll find that all the essentials are there—your Great Pumpkins, your Roseannes, but sifting through the YouTube stacks, we were reminded of some long-forgotten gems: