Hooray for Judith Miller! After years in the wilderness, she's finally come home. The former star New York Times national security correspondent is heading to Fox News as an on-air analyst and general sad embarrassment. Miller became famous when she went to jail in a grandstanding stunt because she refused to admit that her secret source was Scooter Libby even though Libby had signed a waiver authorizing her to testify about their conversations and then there was some poetry exchanged and eventually she quit the Times in disgrace and they wrote a caged Editors Note about how she lied, incessantly, in the run-up to the war in Iraq, which was sold to Americans using bullshit planted in her articles by people from the office of the Vice President and then cited by Vice President Cheney. In other words, no one likes her. So now she's going to be on Fox in their new glorious Democrats-are-in-charge-again rebirth as the loyal opposition to the terrorists who will run the country in 2009. They are sooo lucky to have her! Since she left the Times she's been with the Manhattan Institute, a conservative think thank, because she's given up entirely on getting anyone to like her or take her seriously anymore. Also she endorsed Barack Obama because why not? She probably believes in abortion and socialism and progressive taxation just as much as she believed that Iraq was a dangerous threat based on the most specious and misleading of evidence. For a while all the "serious" media liberals had to acknowledge that Bush was more "serious" about National Security than those peacenik hippie Nation-reading commies, remember? No, no one remembers, or cares, whatever. Miller is of course either delusional or just doesn't give a shit:

Though the sight of Princess Leia in a gold bikini could make any gay geek question his sexuality, being married to Carrie Fisher apparently had the opposite effect on CAA superagent Bryan Lourd. The two were together for three years (he fathered Fisher's daughter Billie in 1992) before Lourd famously left Fisher for another man. Now, in her new memoir Wishful Drinking, Fisher claims that Lourd blamed her and her pill-popping ways for making him gay. Page Six has the excerpt:

Is Yahoo cutting 3,000 jobs? 3,500 jobs? 1,500 jobs? Fifteen percent of its operating budgets? We're going with "none of the above." What Yahoo management is really tackling are Yahoo's out-of-control salaries and titles. Yahoo, an insider tells us, has relatively narrow pay bands for specific job titles. That means the best way to keep someone getting wooed by Google or a startup is to promote them. During the Microsoft takeover battle, Yahoo liberally tossed around raises to keep people, a source who tried to recruit people away from yahoo tells us. Add to that Yahoo's epic turnover, which has led to many battlefield promotions. The result: Yahoo has VPs who ought to be directors, directors who ought to be managers, and managers who shouldn't be, period. So what's the answer? A "hard reset," our source tells us — a massive bloodletting that will purge Yahoo of the overpaid and overtitled.

['Gossip Girl' actress Blake Lively outside the show's Queens production studio this morning; image via Splash]

Heart congrats to Henry Kravis: The billionaire financier unveiled a new website for his private equity giant today. The site is still missing glossy headshots of Kravis himself (and, sadly, he has not yet followed Carl Icahn's lead and started a blog), although the site does now sport slick Chinese and Japanese versions, a useful reminder of just who's keeping the American economy afloat these days. [Dealbook]

In an appearance Saturday on NPR's Weekend Edition, Terrence Howard interrupted his discussion of his new album with a Zen meditation on his recent departure from the Iron Man franchise. And if it seemed unusual last week that Howard might bow out of the blockbuster's sequel, leaving his role as Tony Stark confidante Jim Rhodes (and his own heroic alter-ego War Machine) to the capable, cheaper hands of Don Cheadle, the scenario didn't get any clearer as the actor wavered between the high road and calling Marvel Studios a scandalous gang of thieves and pimps:

BitTorrent founder Bram Cohen has Asperger's syndrome, a sort of autism lite thought to be common among geeks, BusinessWeek tells us again and again and again. But does he, really? Midway through the article, the writer admits that this fact was too good to check: "Cohen never sought a formal diagnosis." True, Cohen is obnoxious. His coworkers at the file-sharing startup have learned to put up with behavior he attributes to Asperger's — aimless, unchecked nattering and an utter lack of tact. But did anyone stop to ask if he was simply clueless and rude — or, quite possibly, given the violent ravings he once published on the Web, mentally ill? (Hey, Cohen is the one who started tossing around unproved diagnoses.) That's not the only question about Cohen the article left unanswered.We would have asked what, precisely, Cohen does at the company, and why its investors still allow him to visit the office and waste employees' time. If the answer is that they feel sorry for a guy who claims to have a mental condition, but has never even tried to have it diagnosed, then you'll have a sense for their abilities to perform due diligence. BitTorrent recently went through a round of layoffs. Its attempt to sell movies online has failed; its attempt to use file-sharing technologies to serve as a content-distribution network, which speeds up downloads for paying customers, is likewise faltering, as BitTorrent find itself overmatched by much larger, more professional competitors like Akamai Technologies. Cohen may well have Asperger's. He created an interesting technology in BitTorrent. But neither fact entitles him to keep drawing a paycheck from the company he founded.

♦ Adam Platt reviews Apiary and Delicatessen in this week's issue of New York. While the former earns a star, Delicatessen is ravaged for, among other things, "a Reuben sandwich that looks like it's been issued directly from the kitchens of Continental Airlines." [NYM]
♦ Gray's Papaya's "recession special" just got a little less special: Two franks and a drink will now cost you $4.45. [NYT]
♦ The best street food in NYC? Calexico took home top honors at the annual Vendy Awards. [Eater]

Patrick Pichette had an easy time of things in his new job as Google's CFO with his first quarterly earnings announcement last week. Part of the surprise Google delivered for investors was an unusually tight grip on expenses. Googlers, now the fun really starts. In an interview with Canadian Business, Pichette hinted at what was to come. His first soundbite was forgiving: "Everybody is going to expect the occasional 'oops' at Google, because we’re fast prototyping, we’re always changing." Then he got real:One of his priorities, Pichette said, "is pushing to make sure all the resources are used efficiently, that you feed the winners, starve the losers." In the land of free food, some projects are going to go hungry. Hey there, Google Knol: It looks like you could stand to have a good meal.

Bedimpled Survivor emcee Jeff Probst is the creator of his own reality show concept, one which he pledges will take its subjects "on the last adventure of their life." The crucial word there is "last," as Live Like You’re Dying hinges on the stultifying premise that a different, terminally ill individual will have their wildest dreams enacted weekly, to the delight of millions of weepy Americans everywhere. In that sense, it could just as easily be called Survivor: Forget About It—anything, really, besides Live Like You're Dying, a title in which the word "like" seems entirely out of place. (Face It, You're Dying?) An enthused Probst explained the pitch further to EW.com:

Neel Kashkari is the intense young man tapped by the Treasury Department to lead our nation's financial bailout. The national media could paint only the most basic picture of him: a high-achieving Republican ski bum who rose quickly from Wharton to Goldman Sachs to, today, a position of national import. But guess what, friends: we have obtained Neel's 1991 senior high school yearbook page. Yes, the same page that a former teacher at Neel's school told us truly reveals his egocentric, douchebag nature. And it is epic. Rush quotes! Bush quotes! And the infamous Ferrari! Luxuriate in the awesomeness of our savior:

Just like some straight boys like a tomboy and others like a girly girl, some gay guys prefer their men femme and others like 'em butch. Openly-gay Italian TV host Alfonso Signorini likes them real butch. Dictator butch, in fact! When asked in an interview to name the sexiest man in Italy, Signorini was a bit stumped. But he did know who the sexiest man in the world is: Russian president-for-life Vladimir Putin! Signorini fell for Putin when he saw shirtless photos of the thuggish martial-arts aficionado taken during a Siberian fishing trip:

How big was Saturday Night Live's Sarah Palin cameo? This big: the show scored a 10.7 rating and 24 share, its highest rating in fourteen years. THR's crack ratings expert James Hibberd was quick with the overnights, and in no time, his blog was swarmed by hundreds of gleeful conservatives. "Tina Fey looked liked a drug addict hag next to the natural beauty and class of Sarah Palin!!!" exhorted "zig." Other commenters noted that Fey was probably 50% Egyptian and wants to turn the White House into a pyramid. [THR]

Conference roll call: Today the SanFran MusicTech Summit brings tech geeks, musicians, entrepreneurs, legal counsel, and the kitchen sink to the Hotel Kabuki for a one-day conference on the music landscape online. The Plug and Play Acceleration Trackhosts a two-day seminar on international cooperation and innovation. The expo hall will feature international startups and a global gauntlet of extreme pitching. Ajax World navigates the Web 2.0 waters with a three-day rich-Internet-technology love fest at the Fairmont in San Jose. Tuesday: Health 2.0 turns an eye on user-generated healthcare, search, the future of online medicine at the San Francisco Marriott. Feeling noncommittal? Celebrate the hate in your love/hate relationship with Facebook instead. The Global Facebook Flashmob will be at Justin Herman Plaza bringing annoying Facebookism to life from 6:15-6:20 p.m.(Photo by www.richardpeters.co.uk)

Click to viewBoomp3.com A coy Jennifer Aniston quickly denied the claim that she had babies on the brain while waiting for a friend in a back alley. Aniston chuckled as she discovered the accidental thought bubble above her, saying, “Maybe I should stand underneath a sign that says 'Oscar winner,' or 'cheeseburger.'” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Among a group of tech executives and venture capitalists, 9 out of 10 respondents to a survey commissioned by law firm DLA Piper say they do not expect the tech-IPO market to return until the end of 2009. [DLA Piper]

In the latest issue of Men's Vogue, Hud Morgan recounts a recent visit to Richie Akiva and Scott Sartiano's club 1OAK, where he finds that despite the meltdown, everyone's still having lots of fun.

Steve Barnes (pictured), the restaurant critic for the Albany Times-Union, was coming out of a restaurant with a friend last Friday night when, with no warning, two young men walked up nonchalantly and beat them up. "They said nothing, just punched us both repeatedly in the face." Barnes doesn't think he was targeted because he was gay, and he doesn't think he was targeted by the restaurant he just left—but he does think he was targeted:

Neel Kashkari, the 35-year-old former Goldman banker tapped to lead the $700 billion bailout? His 1991 yearbook features quotes from AC/DC and Rush as well as a giant picture of a Ferrari. [Gawker]

Now that you're done with that failed marriage, find some celestial guidance from our weekly horoscopes. If today - October 20 - is your birthday: While celebrating tonight, you will be horrified to discover that not only have your parents hidden a sibling from you your entire life, but she's also the one who keeps stealing those "fat best friend" parts from you. Libra (September 24 - October 23): An inviting side street will illuminate a path out of your mental gridlock, but it'll only take you up to the brain's equivalent of Melrose and the traffic isn't moving much faster there. More star signs after the jump!Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): Minding your manners and being polite doesn't seem to be impressing the higher ups at your agency. Start an intra-office newsletter that makes fun of Jews and breast-cancer-cure researchers. You'll definitely get noticed now. Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21): Set aside a few seats to your "Industry V.I.P.s." LAX Mariott meet n' greet. As a result of this courtesy, you will find yourself with a regular paycheck in two weeks, though not in any of the industries you intended. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20): Like all Capricorns, you pride yourself on practicality and reason, which makes your decision to convert your studio to "green production" all the more disconcerting. Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): Even though you sometimes feel bad for making your assistant run incredibly annoying personal errands — Wait, no you don't. Never mind. Dick. Pisces (February 20 - March 20): Try something new this week: Send out the dramatic, brooding B&W headshot for the Upbeat Teacher part in the kindergarten comedy and the fun-loving, sitting on a playground, full color photo for the part of Pillager #8 in the Ivan the Terrible miniseries. Aries (March 21-April 20): The career of singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman, a fellow Aries, will show you the ideal lifepath today. You will have a feeling that you belong and that you could be someone, be someone, be someone. Taurus (April 21 - May 21): Be nice when the homeless guy outside The Ivy hands you his Brothers & Sisters spec. At least he signed the release form. Gemini (May 22 - June 21): It's never too early for New Year's resolutions, so stop telling the American Girl Cafe staff about the time George Clooney asked you for directions. Cancer (June 22 - July 23): If it's just going to get on your nerves when no one eats your tofu casserole, then don't keep sneaking it onto the catering table. There's nothing worse than a pissy craft services guy. Leo (July 24 - August 23): Regardless of the veracity of the statement, you probably shouldn't tell your friends that Maureen McCormick's tell-all could just as easily be about you. Virgo (August 24 - September 23): Don't fret over your increasingly strained relations with your parents. Though their emotional support may wane, their financial support will always allow you to make as many bad lesbian-interest short films as you want.