If you hear lovers of delicious and nutritious yogurt exclaiming "Ding dong!" this morning, you may follow up by exclaiming "The witch is dead!" The king of inferior Greek yogurt has fallen from his curdled throne.

Halle Berry's french husband Olivier Martinez could face battery charges after knocking an airport employee on his ass yesterday. The TMZ video here shows Halle and her beautiful family trying to make their way out of LAX in peace, before Olivier nails the employee with a baby car seat (presumably belonging to Maceo, Halle and Olivier's son).

The subway conductor allegedly attacked by NYPD officer Mirjan Lolja on a Bronx subway platform says the cop tried to escape by train after throwing her to the ground and choking her. The woman anonymously told the New York Daily News, "I believe the only thing that saved me was the train coming into the station."

Donald Trump's good friend, convicted pervert Jeffrey Epstein is back in the news, but that's not the only creepy sex scandal the fluffy bouffant has peripherally involved himself in—he also fired a woman from his TV show because she didn't want to reach out to Bill Cosby.

"Chill... At least [he] didn't eat the dog."

Perpetually uncool dad Barack Obama was a total buzzkill on his family's Hawaiian vacation this week, forcing his kids to hang out with Eddie Vedder and visit dead people at a cemetery.

A group of passengers traveling from Abu Dhabi to San Francisco said they were trapped inside an airplane more than a day when the airport was shut down by fog this weekend.

Police are trying to find the son of a Manhattan hedge fund manager who allegedly shot his father to death inside a multimillion-dollar Sutton Place apartment Sunday.

On Friday, a police union president sent a blistering email to Pittsburgh's Chief of Police, writing, among other things, "your actions raise serious concerns" and "enough is enough!" The top cop's transgression? Being photographed with a sign reading "I resolve to challenge racism at work" and "#endwhitesilence."

If you've followed the news lately, it can be tough to maintain faith in America's courts, but one judge in Massachusetts is doing his best to renew the public's trust, one fly pair of kicks at a time.

Here is a video of a man challenging a Disney character actor to a push-up contest and losing. Lesson: do not challenge a man whose job it is to portray the strongest man in town to a push-up contest.

A car transporter ship was deliberately grounded off the Isle of Wight on Saturday evening after it began to list, the BBC reports. The Hoegh Osaka had left port in Southampton less than an hour before.

According to the New York Times, at least 6,500 new condominium units are scheduled to hit the Manhattan market below 96th Street in 2015—the most since 2007 and twice as many as last year, which is great news if you can afford a condo.

On Friday, NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton appealed to the "tradition, honor, and decency" of his force, asking them to refrain from using the funeral of murdered officer Wenjian Liu as a venue for protest. On Sunday, thousands of cops rejected that request, turning their backs to Mayor Bill de Blasio as he spoke at the service.

The Daily Mail has interviewed one of the litigants in a Florida lawsuit against the prosecutors of investment banker and convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, who she says provided her to Prince Andrew, Duke of York, as a sex slave. The woman, Virginia Roberts, 30, was underage at the time.

Presumably hoping to capture the Christmas spirit one last time, a tragically un-Santa-like California woman reportedly stripped nude and tried to shimmy down her estranged ex's chimney yesterday, becoming stuck in the process.

Living up to his unofficial reign name, Cool Pope Francis announced 15 new cardinals from all over the world today, including many developing countries like Vietnam, Panama and Cape Verde.

Longtime ESPN anchor Stuart Scott died this morning at the age of 49 after a lengthy battle with cancer, the network reports.

Edward W. Brooke III, a Massachusetts Republican—and, in 1966, the first African-American to be elected to the U.S. Senate by popular vote—died in his home yesterday morning. Brooke is also the only black senator to have ever won re-election. He was 95.

ISIS released the latest in a series of propaganda videos featuring British journalist John Cantlie today, this one shot in Mosul in the style of a news report.