Election night might have been a hopeful triumph for most Americans, but it was an evening of screaming and insults for Canadian Sharilyn Johnson, according to the epic rant she just uploaded to Huffington Post. Johnson had to be in the live Daily Show audience on election night, because she's been watching everything Jon Stewart has ever done since 1994, is also super-into Stephen Colbert, has friends on staff, knows line-runners by name, etc. etc. Johnson (on left in photo) lined up a ticket seven months in advance, confirmed and reconfirmed, traveled to New York from Toronto, waited in line and then watched as her world ENDED.

Chin up, unemployed journalists! Though media companies seem to accelerate their layoffs every day — Time Inc. Europe, People and CondeNet were on deck Tuesday — the optimist looks for opportunity in the panicked horror. One might, for example, sell one's soul to the horrid zombie Web corpse of a long-dead print magazine. Or beg, probably in vain, for a job at Starbucks. And if none of that works, you can always write, for free, for PumpsMag.com, an "Exotic Dancing Industry" publication where editors "equate ourselves with Forbes, Esquire, and/or Cosmopolitan magazines in our demographic and content." You know it's a classy gig because it says so right in the ad! Details after the jump.

Current, the bizarre TV channel co-founded by Al Gore, laid off 60 staff last night. Supposedly the hippies in the San Francisco headquarters office are being shoved aside in favor of the bloodsuckers in Los Angeles. But even the survivors better watch their backs, because a company statement makes it sound like they might eventually be replaced by the robots and RSS feeds that fueled Current's awful, awful election-night coverage:

· Yes, that's essentially what happened last night—and if only that were the grossest moment. Enjoy! [Thanks to BestWeekEver.tv for the montage.] · Here's the trailer for Disney's Race to Witch Mountain starring Dwayne Johnson. For contrast, here's the original, before Tia and Tony sold their product placement souls with all that Vegas stuff and MacBook levitations. · Because it's just been that kind of day for Jennifer Aniston to get some festering stuff out into the open, she'd also like the world to know that she bears John Mayer no ill-will whatsoever for his rambling breakup monologue outside a NYC gym. · Mickey Rourke issued an apology over his comment to a paparazzo, "Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Said Rourke, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone. What I should have said is, 'Tell that faggot who wrote all those falsehoods in the paper I'd like to break his misleading legs.' There. That's much better." · Lance Bass is having a hard time getting rid of his giant Beverly Hills home, with a gym large enough for a dozen well-muscled circuit studs to really stretch out their quads and gluts. Knock a couple more inches off it, Lance. You'll unload it eventually.

· Earlimart, Afternoons, Red Cortez, Dazzler at The Echoplex, The Soul of John Black, Katie Costello, Shane Alexander are at The Hotel Café, and Travis play The Troubadour. · TC Boyle performs a reading of his own work—maybe something from his upcoming novel, The Women, perhaps? (Don't worry—it has nothing to do with Meg Ryan.) At the Hammer Museum. · Black Chrome, at the California African American Museum, explores "African-American motorcycle culture's little-known contributions to automotive history—such as the chopper bike."

As we anxiously await lesser Baldwin brother Stephen's self-imposed exile, the McCain-grieving, born again zealot remains on domestic soil, plugging his latest book—an essential addition to the religio-detective canon called The Death and Life of Gabriel Phillips: A Novel—on the Christian bookstore circuit. And who should pop up at a Tennessee signing table but Disney Channel superstar Miley Cyrus, with Underoos-flaunting man-candy Justin Gaston tucked under her arm. Why? Not even a befuddled flack could say:

The successful Cheech and Chong reunion tour has found precisely the messiah you'd expect to bring the pot-culture icons to the wider audience that slipped away from them almost 30 years ago: The Weinstein Company. Harvey and Bob today announced they are clearing space on their cluttered basement shelf for The Cheech and Chong Concert Movie, which the brothers acquired for worldwide theatrical, DVD and TV release in 2009. And the really funny thing? This may turn out to be their most profitable release of the year.And not just because TWC picked it up for roughly $500 and a tank of gas to San Diego, where the film will shoot next March. That won't hurt, but compared to the rest of the Weinstein slate — most notably the high-end gambles Inglourious Basterds [sic] and Nine— the The Cheech and Chong Concert Movie is the only place the Weinsteins make money these days: Cheaply acquired genre-cult junk. And we mean that as a good thing; the comedians' manager told Variety that the tour has "already grossed in eight figures, and a licensing deal has netted roughly $9 per concertgoer" — rock concert numbers, not 70-year-old burnout numbers. Roll that over to the DVD/cable/streaming markets where both the audience that pushed them to equally strong numbers in the '70s and '80s and their stoner kids are watching? Back up the Brinks truck! Who needs Fergie's labia, anyway?

Si Se Puede: If the anti-Prop 8 movement has begun to realize that a Sundance boycott isn't quite in the cards, at least there's one homegrown establishment they can direct their ire towards: the Beverly Blvd. mainstay El Coyote. After word circulated that Marjorie Chrisoffersen, the restaurant's family manager, had donated to the "Yes on 8" cause, the gay community decided to boycott El Coyote's potent mixture of cheap Mexican food and kitsch. A panicked Chrisoffersen has now thrown together a hasty "early lunch" at the restaurant (tomorrow at 11am) to talk to protesters. Better pick up the tab, Marge! [Box Turtle Bulletin via Towleroad]

Think things are bad in the media business? You ain't seen nothin' yet. That's the message Nick Denton, the owner of Gawker Media, an online publisher whose properties include this website, lays out in a new essay now published on his personal blog. (A draft I saw was headlined "Publishers Are Sleeping Their Way to Extinction"; he has now headlined it "A 2009 Internet Media Plan." Denton never was much good at headlines.) Analysts project a single-digit increase in online advertising in 2009; we should be so lucky, according to Denton, who writes that a 30 to 40 percent decline in all advertising spending, online and off, next year — a scenario supported by analyses of economic recessions from Sweden to Indonesia. His conclusion? "Publishers should be planning for the worst, now." Here's what Denton's cost-cutting recommendations could mean for his own company.Get out of categories such as politics to which advertisers are averse. No more election coverage on Gawker! Renegotiate vendor contracts. So much for the bar bill at Joey & Eddie's. Consolidate titles. I will soon be writing Valleywag as a column for Gizmodo or Gawker, whichever will take me. Gabriel Snyder is a lovely young man. As is Jason Chen. I can't decide which one is more handsome and brilliant, really. Offshore more. And I will be writing said column from a newly affordable Iceland. Variable compensation. For less. More value for marketers. With more ads on it.

Since Facebook doesn't quite know how to make money, our commenter of the day, marcsiry, has a better business model:

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: 11/8 — Saw TOM HANKS, TOM FORD, RITA WILSON and unidentified older man eating dinner together at Giorgio Baldi. Seemed like an unlikely friendship. TF looked like his airbrushed self, TH was looking slimmer and Rita was looking good as well. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

John Hodgman, the comedian and author better known for his role as "PC" in Apple ads, pretends to tussle with Brittany Bohnet. Bohnet, who worked for Apple as an on-campus marketing rep and now markets Google Maps, is better known for her appearance in the now-infamous Cyprus video. Note Hodgman's strangely girlish hands, which are barely bigger than Bohnet's. Can you put those facts together and come up with a better caption? The best will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: actionhero11, for "The new free meal program at the Googleplex." (Photo via Brittany Bohnet's Tumblr)

As near as we can tell, Ryan Reynolds is known for these five things, in order: shirtlessness, marrying Scarlett Johansson, that Pizza Place show, the Canadian teen soap Fifteen, and pantslessness (NSFW). Considering that two of those five accomplishments leave Reynolds pretty exposed, we thought that there was little left to discover about his impressive physique — that is, until he sat down with Rachael Ray to talk about the effect his recent marathon run had on his body:

A tipster tells us that Project Playlist, the online-music startup which has just hired former Facebook COO Owen Van Natta and raised $15 million, has hired Mike Sheridan as its CFO. Sheridan served less than a year at Facebook, where he was replaced by Gideon Yu.

Gas is cheap, cats are fighting, and the leaves on the palm trees are maintaining their color. It's fall! WATCH The Real Housewives of Atlanta [10 PM, Bravo] - If Anderson Cooper endorses it, you know it's kosh. Tonight, AC's favorite housewife, NeNe, pushes ahead in her child's paternity case, hoping for a DNA test. DeShawn hosts a BBQ and Sheree and Kim take a boating trip. It wouldn't be a full episode without a lavish party, so Sheree throws a soiree to promote her clothing line.

Behold, your first look at J.J. Abrams's vision of the Enterprise for the upcoming Star Trek—both incredibly familiar, and yet...totally familiar. But that's intentional, says he: "If you're going to do the Enterprise, it better look like the Enterprise, because otherwise, what are you doing?" It certainly hews closer to the original than its bridge does, already derailed by purists as far too Apple Store Genius Bar-y to adequately photon torpedo Klingons. (See how down with the mythology we are?) We get more of a Famima! checkout counter vibe from it, however, which is fine with us. Set a course for Char Siew Pork Steamy Buns! Mmmmm... (Click for full-size view.) [EW]

Redmond's biz-dev gorillas have strong-armed Sun Microsystems into bundling the MSN toolbar as an optional add-on to Sun's Java downloads in the US. What does the Silverlight-powered toolbar have to do with Java? Nothing! That's the genius of it.A dozen years ago, Microsoft broke Sun's run-anywhere Java technology, which was supposed to make operating systems irrelevant for most applications. The Windows version of Java changed one function call, in a way that seemed trivial. It made many apps written for Windows not work on other operating systems. Sun sued, cementing the company's has-been status. Microsoft eventually paid a token settlement for having cock-blocked Java in favor of its own buggy, security-violation-breeding ActiveX technology. I'm sure Bill Gates considers it the best $20 million he ever spent. Where was I? Oh yeah: Sun has been reduced to bundling a non-Java Microsoft toolbar with every Java download, to pick up a few extra bucks. I can only hope the Sun staffers involved are too new to be humiliated.

The list of films that could be nominated for the Academy's seven-year-old Best Animated Feature Oscar was released, and everything else in the category will be overshadowed by the one lock for a nod, Wall-E. The rest will campaign for just 2 other slots. With more animated films produced outside of the Disney system, small triumphs like the Israeli animated documentary Waltz with Bashir may find themselves on the outside looking in when nominations are announced next year. With only a tiny run in American theaters to put itself into consideration, why is the Academy continue to insists on cramming the field into this tiny category?Here's the full list of submissions for 3 nominations: Bolt, Delgo, Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!, Dragon Hunters, Fly Me to the Moon, Igor, Kung Fu Panda, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, $9.99, The Sky Crawlers, Sword of the Stranger, The Tale of Despereaux, Wall-E and Waltz with Bashir.

Despite recent complaints around the Web asking why Paramount hadn't yet issued a one-sheet for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the studio has in fact delivered the poster to theaters. And what an effort it is, with the pores of Brad Pitt's face blown up to nickel-size and every word but the release date printed backwards in tribute to its namesake's reverse chronology. Or maybe the first run was messed up and simply displayed last night at the Bruin just in case a confused security guard didn't recognize the leading man. Or perhaps the whole thing is just deliberate ploy to attract the disaffected, backwards-face-carving youth contingent. Click through for the full-size paparazzi image. [X17 Online]

Chris Alden, CEO of blog-software maker Six Apart, understands his business so well that he posted his own internal memo before any pesky gossip bloggers could extract it from his loquacious employees. He's also sensible enough to admit that there's more to blame for the layoffs than the economy — like the integration of recent acquisitions. He also snuck in a well-disguised hint that the company is cash-flow positive. Well played, Chris! The company is laying off 8 percent of its 200-plus workforce, and shifting more resources into its services business. Cofounder Ben Trott is taking a bigger role running Six Apart's blog-hosting business. Alden and other top managers are taking a 15 percent paycut. The only disappointment: That the company didn't kill off Vox, its interminably boring free personal blogging service.