Well, there it is. Prince William's crotchal region. While he's in mid-pee. NSFW, obviously. [GayDailyHot] Update: The site's down, but we got a screen grab. It's blurry, but there's... something there. After the jump.

Or a serial-killing Jackie Rogers Junior? To be honest, we have no idea what he was doing. But it was pretty awful—and in that sense, fit right in with this terrible CBS crime show we had no idea existed! Still, we're happy to see Ray Romano working. Or Joe Mantegna? We're so confused. Video after the jump. (Thanks to Lisanti Quarterly for the tip!)Click to view
[Criminal Minds]

The Dow Jones Industrial Average hit a five-year low today, closing down nearly 450 points. And the New York Times Co. had an even worse day. The company's stock dove almost 10%, lower than it's been in decades. And just after the close of the markets came the payoff: the company is cutting its dividend to six cents per share, down from 23 cents last quarter. How bad is it? Very bad. How long can the company last before calling bankruptcy if things keep going like this? We're putting the question to you. In one sense, it's wise for the company to cut the dividend, because it needs to conserve all the cash it can get. But it's pretty apocalyptic for its stock, because it just makes it that much more unattractive to investors. The company also released its October revenues just minutes ago. How are those? Horrible! Total revenues are down 9.4% from last year, and ad revenues are down more than 16%.

With Heroes currently undergoing a ratings tailspin that even a concentrating, constipated-faced Milo Ventimiglia can do nothing about, one would think that creator Tim Kring would be trying to hold onto whatever fans he had left. Not so much! The Washington Post reports that at a recent Creative Screenwriting panel (where Kring attended solo sans two of the promised guests: Heroes executive producers that NBC recently fired), Kring complained that the Heroes downturn was less his fault and more the fault of people who actually sit down in front of the television on Mondays at 9pm (8pm central):

This year's edition of People magazine's hugely popular "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Hugh Jackman takes top honors) will feature... um... scratch 'n sniff photos of famous dudes, like Gossip Girl actress Chace Crawford, TV show kryptonite Taye Diggs, Law & Order: SVU brute Chris Meloni, and young god swain of the oceans Michael Phelps. Each of the guys chose a scent that makes them feel sexiest, from fresh cut grass (Mr. Crawford) to L’Homme YSL parfum for Mr. Phelps. We'll take a look at each fellow's preferred odor and analyze what it's supposed to say about them and what it really says, after the jump.

Canadian British Lord and newspaper magnate and stupid criminal Conrad Black is currently serving 78 months in federal prison for mail fraud and obstruction of justice. Black was an old friend of William F. Buckley and Henry Kissinger (before they stabbed him in his wrongfully convicted back) so obviously he's in with the right crowd. This is why he seems to think he's going to get a pardon! And he'd like his old newspaper company to maybe pay for it.

During the presidential campaign, John McCain kept getting in trouble with various musicians for stealing their godless liberal music and using it to promote his candidacy. Heart, Bon Jovi, John Mellencamp, Boston, Van Halen and the Foo Fighters all got pissed at him at various points. But only Jackson Browne sued the Arizona Senator. McCain used "Running on Empty" in a campaign ad, and Browne, whose new album features a song about hanging out in Castro's Cuba, was not happy. Now, McCain has countersued Browne, because why not. According to McCain's two motions, Browne infringed on McCain's right to free speech. McCain also says "that rather than damage the song's commercial potential, his use 'will likely increase the popularity of this thirty year-old song,'" which makes plenty of sense to us. John McCain probably has all his Flickr photos licensed under Creative Commons too, right? [THR]

The bad news: Random House has frozen its pensions for current employees and eliminated pensions for new employees. The good news: Nobody else has pensions either! [NYT]

Make It A Bayou Beast And A Larry Tate. Well, one thing East Coast Angeleno transplants have long been able to bitch about—where can you get a decent slice of pizza drunk at 3 a.m. in this joint?!—is finally being resolved, at least for Eastsiders. Pizza places have been popping up like mushrooms, including this storefront for NYC's cornmeal-crusted mainstay Two Boots in Echo Park. Eater says it's opening mid-December. Fuck yeah. [Eater]

Teen power child/sybarite Peaches Geldof's last essay for downtown fashion magazine Nylon, where she "works," was so mocked on both continents that she [or more likely, wiser Nylon editors] has scaled down her second screed. It's a listicle about things she likes, which is way less controversial than a highschool essay about why she hearts NYC, which gathered the most insane commenters on the Internet. But this effort:

The recently released poster for the Jonas Brothers' upcoming concert movie — otherwise referred to as Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — has been the subject of intense scrutiny and debate today around Defamer HQ. On one hand, its undercurrents of everything from purity-ringed privilege to downmarket Beatlemania convey just the kind of "phenomenon" vibe Disney intends. On the other, you've got three kids dressed like bums with expensive luggage crowding into a puddle-jumper. For now, anyway, critical mass wins out; here's a case to be made for the latter.1. Find Joe Jonas a comb. Easily the best-looking of the three, Joe is nevertheless pinned at the top of the steps, 15 yards from the camera with his hair blowing in his face. If Kevin called "front" on the basis of seniority, fine, but at least mix in some Photoshop and give us the cute one, too. 2. Commission a live-performance shot. We know these guys don't play live that often, have few fans and are underphotographed in general, but Disney should consider promoting their concert film with an actual image of the boys performing. Think U2 Rattle and Hum or Eddie Murphy Raw. ESPECIALLY Eddie Murphy Raw. 3. Get a real plane. Just because the Jonas Brothers are tiny little things who travel without groupies doesn't mean they have to squeeze into their little brother's discarded toy Gulfstream. Take Led Zeppelin for example — remember the Starship, on which they traveled during their 1973 and 1975 tours? That was a rock n' roll plane.

It's the grand irony of Wi-Fi, a remarkably useful way of connecting to the Internet which has nevertheless proved to be a tough business to make money in. Aruba Networks, a maker of Wi-Fi equipment, is rumored to have twice spurned Cisco's advances. Its shareholders will likely regret that; the company, which went public last year, has seen its shares plummet more than 90 percent from their peak. And it is now laying off 10 percent of its staff, we hear cutting costs by 10 percent, including some layoffs. Aruba's equipment was designed to withstand war-zone explosions — but not market implosions. Update: The company has reported earnings and confirmed costs cuts of 10 percent, though not all of that will come through the elimination of jobs.

In Japan, CEOs take shame seriously. They're expected to work late, dedicate their entire lives to the good of a company, and try to ensure that they don't work their employees to the point of suicide. And when Japanese CEOs make mistakes, they're expected to make a big show of tearily flogging themselves in public (figuratively). But here in America? CEOs get to screw up as bad as they want and walk away with millions, with nary a tear nor a nice tip to the bellhop on the way out the door. Stan O'Neal! Bob Nardelli! Dennis Kozlowski! CEOS in the USA need to STFU and get way better at public humiliation. They problem is that in this country, CEOs are only too happy to trade the scorn of the public for a pile of money. Most Americans would do the same! (Unless the revolution comes, in which case it's up against the wall with all of you). So you can bitch all you want about golden parachutes that can top $100 million for executives who didn't do shit except lose shareholder money the entire time they were employed, but that CEO will chuckle to himself, have his flack issue a statement, and then go enjoy his millions and millions of free dollars on a private island somewhere, full of untold numbers of prostitutes. So America has worked out its own ways to humiliate these CEOs without their consent. The media trumpets their salaries all over the place, hollering louder about them the worse their company does. Their kids are shunned and forced to go to special, expensive schools. Actually, nobody sympathizes with CEOs except for other CEOs, and politicians. Now, however, every company is doing poorly. So our system for determining what executives to focus our class rage upon is broken. The American public is spread too thin. That's why we need to import some sort of Japanese-style public shaming ceremony here. CEOs can apologize for their sins and wallow in misery, we can all enjoy the schadenfreude, and then we can all focus our allotment of hatred where it belongs: on Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson. And the CEOs will join us. America is unity!

JPMorgan says it's planning to lay off 10 percent of its investment banking staff, or about 3,000 people. The bank also plans to freeze salaries next year for employees who earn more than $60,000 to $70,000. [Bloomberg]

♦ Julia Restoin Roitfeld might call herself a designer, but apparently the fat fees from modeling are hard to resist: She's been cast in the new Mango campaign along with celebuspawn Dakota Johnson Griffith. [WWD]
♦ PR maven Kelly Cutrone may play a hard-nosed bitch on The Hills, but in real life she's all heart: After reading about Marie Conde, who fought with three muggers who snatched her purse, Cutrone collected gifts for the 26-year-old nurse's aide, including Longchamp purses, jewelry, and dinner at the SoHo Grand. [NYP]
♦ During an interview conducted, of course, lying down in a hotel room at Claridge's in London, Diane von Furstenberg is expansive on matters personal (such as her first and only female lover), her "naughtiness" during the seventies, and her political opinions: Barack Obama is "so intelligent and very detached... It gives him perspective." [Telegraph]

Everyone's feeling cash-poor, and when we say "everyone," we mean everyone. There are the basic, no-duh ways to save money, like downgrading your Netflix and changing your New York Times subscription from every day to weekend-only. But you should also be taking advantage of the thin silver lining to the recession: anyone who sells you anything is just as spooked as you, which means you are a fool for paying full price. Shameless ways to save abound, after the jump.

Now that our fierce election year is over, Americans can turn their attention to more pressing matters like what is the goddamned status of the Arrested Development movie. In that spirit, then, we offer you the brand-new Arrested Development Film Tracker™, which will bring you up-to-the minute cast confirmations, disavowals, and cagey statements of, "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it." Today, we have a brand-new development straight from the mouth from one of Arrested's key players. To the banana stand!Inaugurating the AD Film Tracker is Ron Howard, who said this during his junket duties for Frost/Nixon:

♦ Frank Bruni delivered a crushing review of the new East Village restaurant Kurve yesterday. Today, the owner of the Karim Rashid-designed spot, Andy Yang, is doing damage control: What Bruni calls "unremarkable," Yang says, is actually "purposefully simple." [GS]
♦ Celsius, the pop-up restaurant in Bryant Park, is now open. [Eater]
♦ Michael Dorf's City Winery isn't opening on schedule and the space is still raw, but he hosted a musical preview last night anyway. [GS, Eater]
♦ The space that formerly occupied by Seymour Burton is coming back to life as a surf-and-turf spot called Butcher Bay. [Feedbag]
♦ A preview of At Vermilion, the Midtown offshoot of Rohini Dey's Indian-Latin Chicago restaurant, Vermilion. [GS]
♦ A group of deliverymen protested outside Jonathan Morr's Republic yesterday with "No Justice, No Noodles" signs. [NYP]

For most of the rich, the object of charity is to make one's name known. Alberto Vilar, a founder of a once-high-flying tech-stocks fund who stiffed New York's Metropolitan Opera on a $25 million pledge, has succeeded all too well. But his name is in court documents rather than the opera halls and college buildings he had hoped for. A jury found Vilar and his partner, Gary Tanaka, guilty of stealing $20 million from customers of Amerindo Investment Advisors, in a series of frauds dating back to the dotcom bust. He could face 20 years in prison.Vilar, among other things, was charged with $5 million from heiress Lily Cates, the mother of actress Phoebe Cates, and using some of the proceeds to make a donation to Vilar's alma maters. That was one of the few contributions he actually carried out; he had promised some $200 million to nonprofits over the years, including the Met's $25 million. As he failed to come up with the money, his nameplates came down from the institutions he'd promised to sponsor. Plácido Domingo is among the artists he left shortchanged. (A performing-arts center in the ski-resort town of Beaver Creek, Colo., still carries Vilar's name, though.) What brought Vilar down ultimately, was the dotcom bust. He rode big bets on Amazon.com, eBay, and Yahoo in the '90s to make billions of dollars, and his net worth peaked at $950 million. After the Nasdaq crashed in 2000, though, investors say Vilar promised to put their money in safe interest-bearing accounts — and instead, kept investing it in hopeless tech stocks. All the while, he kept giving away money to charities that he didn't have. Which makes me wonder: Who is the Alberto Vilar of today, and how long will it take to uncover his misdeeds? The quest may be fruitless, if only because there are too many to count, let alone prosecute. The craze for mortgage-backed securities has made Vilars of almost every fund manager out there. A promise of safety which turned out to be false; that is the theme of the meltdown that has touched every market on the planet. The main difference: Vilar was clever enough, the jury that convicted him must have believed, to know he was fooling his clients. His successors were merely fooling themselves.

· ABC Family has picked its cast for 10 Things I Hate About You, with Gregory Peck's grandson Ethan Peck chosen for the role created by Heath Ledger. Those are some massive shoes you're filling there, young man. Big, big shoes. No pressure. But just know that with this part comes the dreams and tears of millions of Ledger fans worldwide. But no pressure. But, like, it does, so just keep remembering that. [THR] · The story of Missouri journalist Linda Trest who blew the cover of “Sergeant Bill,” the meth-lab-busting con man who terrorized a community is soon to become a major motion picture from Paramount. We think it's a drama but it could work just as well as a comedy. [THR] · "Spotted: John Malkovich at Pinkberry, being so touched by the plight of migrant children who cross illegally into the United States that he said he plans to make a documentary about it!!!" [Variety] After the jump: Come with us on a shit-blowing-up journey of a lifetime.· Discovery Channel has greenlit blowing-shit-up-umentaryThe Detonators. Said the producer, "There's a lot more to it than just blowing things up; there's a surgical precision." Wow! They're going to blow up some guy's triple-bypass! [THR] · Henry Waxman—Friend to Hollywood, Friend to Spaceship Earth™—has won the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Congrats, Henry! [Variety]