The Oscars producers—that would be the dynamic Dreamgirls duo of producer Laurence Mark and director Bill Condon—opted not to go with our suggestions of Mickey Rooney or Korean singing sensation Dong as emcee.

Caroline Kennedy is not qualified to be a Senator, because she is a lady Kennedy. Well, that's the subtext of the new argument against her.

If you're looking for a gift for your (fitness-obsessed) boyfriend or girlfriend, you can sign up a top-ranked marathoner from Kenya for a jogging lesson in Central Park. And he'll come back to your place for lunch afterwards, too! [NYT]

The national mood demands businessmen in handcuffs. And here's one already: Federal agents have arrested Bernie Madoff, the 70-year-old founder of a Wall Street brokerage, accusing him of bilking $50 billion from investors.

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or Keanu-rrific at the movies. This week: Earth is doomed, Clint is done, and Che is looooonnng.

Not a fan of Jon Stewart or Ellen DeGeneres hosting the Oscars? Well, here's something completely different for you then: Hugh Jackman as a no-jokes-making Academy Awards emcee. Possibly with singing and/or dancing!

Oh no, the Obamas are inspiring class warfare in DC! Elite private school attendees are mocking other elite private school attendees, and it's all because of little Malia and Sasha!

• Andrew Saffir's Cinema Society hosted a screening of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at the Tribeca Grand last night. Attendees at the Pamella Roland and Svedka-sponsored screening and after-party at the Soho Grand included Kanye West, Spike Jonze, Olivia Palermo, Richard Meier, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Lauren Bush and David Lauren, Moby, Amy Sacco, Sandy Brant and Ingrid Sischy, Stefano Tonchi, Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo, Bettina Zilkha, Charlotte Ronson, Cynthia Rowley and Bill Powers, Chace Crawford, Debbie Harry, Heather Matarazzo and Caroline Murphy, Judith Light, Kelly Bensimon, Karen Duffy, Liya Kebede, Rachel Roy, Liam McMullan, Ciara, and Danny Masterson. [PMc, Wireimage, The Daily]

Running enthusiasts are weird, especially those training-for-the-marathon types. Even weirder: what one well-off SoHo man received as a birthday gift: As the NYT tells us: a Kenyan runner.

• Ben Silverman and NBC have come to terms on a new contract. [B&C]
• Jeff Bewkes is taking over as Time Warner's chairman. [Bloomberg]
• As expected, Newsweek is trimming both staff and circulation. [WSJ]
• Do his 8 Golden Globe nods mean Harvey Weinstein is on the rebound? [THR]
• CBS Interactive is restructuring and making major cuts. [PaidContent]
• Hugh Jackman will be hosting the Oscars next February. [THR]

[That's Mary-Kate Olsen, star of the critically beloved "Winning London" (I'm a critic, right?), at a movie screening in New York last night; image via WENN]

The "rich people pretending to be poor" trend continues in a NYT report on ashrams. Remember how Marie Antoinette went without new dresses because of France's massive war debt? This is sort of like that.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH might've gotten something "tangible" from associates of Jesse Jackson, Jr! The scandal is in its baroque period now, with the fun transcripts picked through, leaving only complicated questions of political propriety.

More developments in the strange death of actor Mark Ruffalo's brother Scott. Supposedly police aren't buying the whole "Russian Roulette" story given to them by the "Saudi princess," Shaha Mishaal Adham. Can't trust foreigners!

Given the lengths to which prominent New Yorkers go to control their public profiles, you'd think they would have purchased their domain names by now. It's a $4 investment, which we're pretty sure billionaires like Jonathan Tisch, Steve Feinberg or Edgar Bronfman Jr. can afford, even if this is the greatest depression ever. After all, four bucks doesn't even buy you a glass of wine at a Jeffrey Chodorow restaurant or Noah Tepperberg-owned club. Or a square inch of real estate controlled by Jerry Speyer. Or a square inch of canvas at one of Larry Gagosian's galleries. As you may have read, we've been collecting names over the past few months. It's a bonus for you: Now you just need to go, say, annehearst.com or charlesgwathmey.com or davidremnick.com to get directly to their profiles—no pesky searching involved! We've accumulated more than 100 names so far. If you're interested, you can peruse an incomplete list after the jump.

Today we have a relapsing star using college kids for drugs, three gay dudes (two secretly!), and a politician about to take his whole family down with him. (Hint: it's not Blago!)

The endless complaints, rumors, and lawsuits involving Robert De Niro's Ago may finally be coming to an end: Jean-Georges Vongerichten has confirmed that he's close to inking a deal to take over the space inside the Greenwich Hotel and open something new. No word on what the new project will be just yet, although it couldn't possibly be any worse than what's there now. [Eater]

• It's not all bad news for the Plaza. An unidentified buyer just closed on a three-bedroom apartment in the building for $5.01 million. Originally listed at $6 million in April, the apartment was reduced by $500,000 in July. The buyer is listed in property records as Perla Properties LLC. [Cityfile, previously]
• Claudia Blum, the Colombian ambassador to the United Nations, and her husband Francisco Barberi have paid $3.35 million for a third-floor apartment at 936 Fifth Avenue. [Cityfile]
• Bill Royall, president of the college recruiting firm Royall & Co., paid $5.5 million for a duplex penthouse at 4 Sutton Place. [Cityfile]

Has marriage to a vertically-challenged head of state robbed France's First Lady of her sense of humor? Carla Bruni Sarkozy—whose party trick used to be making her boobs dance individually—is now suing a French clothing chain for slapping her famous nude photo on their seasonal shopping bags. It could be worse: A few weeks ago Sarkozy tried (and failed) to ban the sale of a voodoo doll in his image, which has since turned into a big seller in Paris this holiday season. [Telegraph]

Citigroup has had a rough time recently. But the bank wouldn't want all the grim news to discourage the bright-eyed college students who signed on to join Citi's investment banking analyst class this May, would it? Of course not! Above you'll find the warm, fuzzy e-card the bank sent to its new recruits this week, which was accompanied by animated snowflakes. One thing it didn't come with, unfortunately: a guarantee that Citigroup will still exist by the time graduation rolls around.