Obama will make your weed legal because he models himself after FDR, a presumably stoned Esquire writer asserts.

Paddles down, people. The Scarlett Johansson Snotty Charity Kleenex Auction is over, with the winning bidder wanting no media attention for their offer of $5,300 in exchange for the aloe-enriched celebrity nasal smear.

[Two divers at an aquarium in Seoul wish you a Merry Christmas. So do I! (and, you know, Joyous Channukah and whatnot); image via Getty]

All early indications that From Paris With Love might finally exposes John Travolta's other side to a long-suspecting public were dashed today, when an international trailer revealed just another shitty cop-with-a-bazooka movie.

Yaay! It's time for Barack Obama's report on the internal investigation into the Blago mess!

Last night, NBC aired the epic, two-hour second installment of Momma's Boys.

Bernie Madoff's $50 billion Ponzi scheme is growing fatally baroque. A French banker was found dead, in a grotesque office tableau, after losing $1.4 billion in the scheme.

The people responsible in part for the encroachment of Oscar Hell on an otherwise lovely holiday season are scrutinized this week in the Washington Post. The lesson: You can put lipstick on a pig!

If you thought Google's "dogfood" holiday gift was chintzy, check out what Yahoo employees got: $50. To donate to charity. Some others, though, are stuffing their stockings with a $10 million legal settlement.

• Whitney Port explains why she named her new clothing line "Whitney Eve" (it's complicated), and explains why it is that the world really needs another celebrity clothing line. [Nylon]
• The year's best and worst windows, fashion PR stunts, pop-up shops and more. [Racked]
• More on the messy meltdown at Kira Plastinina. [Shophound]
• The recession may be putting a damper on plastic surgery, but injectables like Botox remain as popular as ever. [WSJ]
• It's well worth braving the cold weather and crowds: Panicked retailers "are practically giving the goods away with last-minute sales in a desperate bid to save the so-far-disastrous season from catastrophe." [NYP]

· Tina Fey was named AP's Entertainer of the Year, which comes with the prize that she be referred to as "Entertainer of the Year Tina Fey" in every AP mention in 2009. [Variety]

[Singer Amy Winehouse on holiday in Saint Lucia; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Greg Gutfeld, Fox News's Red Eye host and self-declared enemy of Gawker commenters, has finally found a friend: coworker Steve Doocy of Fox and Friends. Roll the clip!

A dead man and 18 others currently not in prison received coveted pardons from President Bush today, as he continues to just fuck with us on his way out of office.

Edgar Bronfman Jr. has had a lousy few years—would you want to be running a music company these days?—but at least he can rest easier knowing that ex-Simon & Schuster CEO Dick Snyder won't be a thorn in his side any longer. A court today dismissed Snyder's $100 million lawsuit against Bronfman for helping to "conceive" of the plan to buy Warner for $2.6 billion in 2003. [Reuters]

It's December 23rd. Do you know where your presents are? If you have not made your obligatory trips to the Grove or its fraternal Armenian twin The Americana at Brand, we'll save you some time.

Here's an interesting idea courtesy of author Michael Gross: If you're doing a little year-end cleaning around the house and you have a few pairs of shoes you were planning to give to charity or toss in the trash, why not wrap up a single shoe in a pretty package with a bow and send it to the President Bush? The only thing better than seeing George Bush duck a flying shoe would be the sight of 50,000 of them piled up on the White House lawn. [MGross.com]

New Williamsburg It girl, the Nylon-'working' 19-year-old Brit tabloid smash (and washed-up rockstar daughter!) that is Peaches Geldof, has so pulled the second-oldest trick in the book:

Later this afternoon, Barack Obama's office will release its report on his staff's contacts with disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Then they will all skip town.

Cheech Marin spoke with The A.V. Club. about his eclectic career, along the way recalling friend Peter Sellers's potent Heathrow welcome gifts, and explaining why Body of Lies was too white for its own good.