This is currently the lead post on the official Fox News Twitter page. Hackers are cool again.

Last night, VH1 finally aired the Charm School reunion show where Sharon Osbourne and contestant Megan Hauserman got into a fight so epic, it sent Hauserman to the hospital (and to the LAPD).

RadarOnline.com was bought by National Enquirer publisher AMI in October, and Enquirer editor David Perel was put in charge of it. And thanks to Jett Travolta's death, the site is now a great gossip reputation-launderer.

Made-of-wood First Lady Laura Bush has finally sold her memoirs! Scribner bought them for an undisclosed sum—probably close to $10 million. What will we see in this thrilling volume of history in action?

Katie Holmes is infusing many, many dollars into the New York economy. We're sure of that. But just how much, exactly? Is she saving New York? If the low current estimates are right, no.

Kurt Andersen, who invented "snark" in 1986, is now "microblogging" at Twitter, the official web service of imagined pithiness.

• Scribner won the non-race to publish Laura Bush's memoir. [AP]
• The Times is now selling ads on the front page of the paper. [NYT]
• Movie ticket sales totaled $9.6 bil. in 2008, down 1 percent from '07. [NYT]
• Is HuffPo worth $200 million? Not so much, says Simon Dumenco. [AdAge]
• Publishing companies are cutting perks, in case you haven't heard. [NYT]
• Howard Kurtz profiles Liz Claman, who left CNBC for Fox. [WaPo]
• Michael Phelps will now be pitching Mazdas in China. [Bloomberg]
• Marley & Me was No. 1 at the box office for a second week. [THR]

With the book publishing industry cutting back, it's good to know that they can still step up and produce a quality American Gladiator tell-all memoir about man boobs and severe steroid-induced ball shrinkage:

Sad former president George H. W. Bush wishes his smart son, Jeb, had maybe been the second president Bush, but it's too late now.

The voicemail message at Diane Sawyer's ABC News office.

"You are being lied to about pirates," a HuffPo headline declares. They... they didn't talk like Charles Laughton? (Or Keith Richards?) No, he is talking about those nutty Somali pirates!

If you just look at how thin he is, you'd know it. But now Steve Jobs himself has admitted that his declining health is keeping him from taking the Macworld stage tomorrow.

This is why access is overrated. CNBC believed Apple's official pronouncements on the health of Steve Jobs, the computer company's CEO. Gizmodo relied on gossiping insiders. Who do you reckon was right?

Idiot manchild Jay Mariotti, who quit a highly paid job as a Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist in order to find work at one of these "web sites" he's heard so much about, has a job!

Today we have a cheeky politician, a sandwich-tossing diva, a fake-gay fourway, and the transvestite kisser.

Feeling a little stressed out today? You're not alone! It turns out that January 5th is the most stressful day of the year, at least according to researchers who blame the angst on a combination of post-vacation blues, cold weather, economic worry, and having to endure a long first day back in the office with really, really irritating co-workers. These "experts" recommend releasing the anger with a "short sustained burst of shouting," but if you're looking for a more office-appropriate stress reliever, focus on the bright side and take heart in the fact you haven't gotten dumped yet. Attorneys say they're expecting to see a sharp increase in divorces this week due to the "double whammy of Christmas and the credit crunch."

The forever-scorned actress, always crying because of horrible men, doesn't like them that much anyway. "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog," she says.

You might imagine that yesterday's famous author/today's out-of-work wine critic Jay McInerney would attempt, just for the sake of decency, to play down his healthy self-regard when talking about his career, but, oh, you'd be so wrong. In an interview with Britain's Telegraph, Jay envisages the "headlines" when he dies, describes his reaction re-reading Bright Lights, Big City—"I thought, 'Wow, that's pretty damn good'"—and compares himself to Ernest Hemingway, Norman Mailer, and Henry James. Hey, we're sure if Gossip Girl had been around in James' day, he would have put aside writing masterpieces in favor of a bit part. [Telegraph]

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, in Israel playing at being an international statesman when he can't even get the 7 train to run on weekends, heard a rocket and hid in a basement.

Good morning sunshine! It's January, which means the horrible media advertising apocalypse has now begun. But not to worry, media lovers; it's only affecting every famous book, magazine, and newspaper publisher: